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#47… You can’t say or do anything that I haven’t already experienced!!!
Not knowing, after I left home at 18… not aware… but my body was… My body knew it had been raped and my first born came to be… My body knew the gang rape by officer’s at Vance AFB, but my brain didn’t remember… My body knew it had issues, but not one doctor could…
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#46 The Flood outside doesn’t match…
The rain started early and the flooding was quick to follow and the pups have been in and out playing in it… Now when things start to float by, well then I might get concerned… but this isn’t new… It just takes a little time for the excess to drain off and things are back…
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#45 Don’t Eat The Daisies…
Telling my puppies not to eat the daisies is like me telling christians that rape isn’t immaculate… The puppies no more understand, the plant isn’t for them, than christians thinking rape isn’t okay… because they worship a god that say’s, “Mary’s rape was immaculate”… Talk about double talk in so many languages, it makes you…
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Forgiveness is a christian head fake!!#44
I bet you are as tired as I am and we aren’t exactly living mirrored lives… I am fatigued, because, I have never known not being fatigued… Strokes will do that to the body and brain and you learn and adapt, IF you know you had strokes… I didn’t find out for sure till 2019….…
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#43 is Making me ask WHY???
Not talking politics either… The blog is a catartic exercise… Like writing a diary, except, no secrets, except for those things I am not ready to talk about… Homer got one of those memories today while we were out… Sexual assault on Japan by Air Force active duty sgt… who I babysitted for… There are…
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Mental Health or PTSD???#42
Anyone making sense of any of this yet??? I have been back and forth on this… Is it mental health, in other words anything but PTSD or is it PTSD??? Dreaming is something I have always done, even when napping… Even coming out of anesthesia, I will dream… Which let us know, I was a…
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The Pesky Need to See???#41
Friday of last week I had my laser treatment in my right eye and you realize after… When the pain med wears off and the numbing gell no longer works and the dilation is back to normal… How screwed up your vision really was and maybe still is??? The surgeon on Hawaii laser treated the…
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Old Tin Lunch Box… #40
Memories are like a box of chocolates, you never know what will pop into your mind and if you have amnesia like I have lived with since I was 14… Then you’ll get where I am coming from… With brain trauma and memory loss… the oddest thing can trigger a memory and for me… It…
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Levothyroxine and Brain Trauma… #39
https://www.headway.org.uk/about-brain-injury/individuals/effects-of-brain-injury/hormonal-imbalances Science is finally catching up with what I have lived with for at least 69 years… and when I got put on Levothyroxine in 1993, I had no clue I was in for a ride of hell unlike any I had ridden before and guess who got to come along for the ride??? Homer!!!…
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PTSD, will it EVER stop??? #38
Anybody can suffer from PTSD for any reason… It all depends on what our brain allows us to accept and sometimes… Our brain isn’t on the same page as we are and it wants that PTSD, it needs that PTSD!!! Why???… Because you aren’t done with the journey you are on and I am realizing…
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Clouded Len’s… #37
Seeing the world through anything but a clear lens will lead you down paths you may not want to take, because your view of the world is blurry… Back in 19 when I had my cataract surgeries, Homer accidentally shaved off one of his eyebrows… I never noticed!! Why??? Because my view of the world…
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She Stole the Joy… #36
Odd, you can be doing the most mundane things and it hits you and you realize you knew all along and this is going to sound Sleeping Beautyish… but I felt sorry for her… Who??? Mother… Freda… There are a great many of us, who were born self aware and empathic and if you got…
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Are you “Upbeat”??? #35
Neurology has told me and so has the psychologist, I suffer from clinical depression or at least I used to suffer from it… I always asked, why do I have “Clinical Depression”??? They could never answer, until I talked a doctor into doing a contrast brain MRI and there it was… Moderate TBI on the…
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I remember… #34
Relaxing before the day gets to crazy and I have a memory flash before my eyes because of ABC weather girl’s high heels!!! Go figure on memory triggers!!! She’s wearing high heels with thin straps around the ankle and I flashed upon this picture… What you can’t see, because I cropped the pic, I had…
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No memory to remember??? #33
One caveat to my memorie’s, I did things or adapted to things when answers were not forthcoming and one has to do with my mustache… Like I talked about the restless leg issue around 8 years old, there were many things I did, to adapt to my injuries and this, I have no memory, but…
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When Rose colored lens go Opaque…#32
Mental health is so important, we as humans ignore it, regularly and we resort to coping mechanisms that are anything but productive or beneficial, but a resource of drugs, alcohol and religion is supposed to make it all better, when reality is a lot easier and less messy than drugs, religion or alcohol, but throw…
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Excuses are like Asshole’s, We all have Them…#31
Thinking about my experiment on Blue Sky and with the blog, and I got a text from one of those people who touched my life, tho we never met… and he wished me happy mother’s day… I accept what the neurologist on Hawaii said about my memory ability, but he was only half right… This…
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Clinical Depression…#30
I was told by the Arkansas VA shrink I had this and I asked what caused it and he couldn’t give me an answer, but he is also the one who stated I didn’t trust anyone… So, yea, I didn’t go back to see him… The link to this is below… The symptoms of depression can…
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The Awakening…#29
Coming out of this darkness that I have walked since the last bleed on the brain at 17 years old in 1971… is like watching a rose open up it’s petals as the flower smiles at the sun… I remember as a child telling my granny that my legs hurt… and her comment, “those are…
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The Corner’s of my Mind….#28
Memory can play tricks on you and I know that all to well, considering my brain trauma started before I was 8 years old… How much trauma, only one person alive can tell you that… Me… When the memory trigger happened November 7, 2017… because a airman murdered 26 innocents on November 5, 2017 in…
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Reconciliation??? #27
Can you reoncile what Trump and christians are doing??? Neither can I, but I grew up in a home with the same kind of stuff going on, violence, rape wasn’t in the picture, but it happened outside the home and violence, yea the violence in our household would make Feddie Cougar look like a saint……
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20+ Concussions not all by me?!#26
I wrote about my injuries in the first dozen or so blogs, but never explained concussions and how I came to have so many when I never played sports…. Bunk beds… Nuclear bones scans … and doctors asking questions that the perpetrator’s refused to answer, until one disclosed in passing conversation what she would do….…
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Did I Walk the Walk?? or Just BS the Hell out of It???#25
Growing up in a home that is based on religion and lack of education and most of all violence… If you are smart, you watch and learn not what to do in life and I took some of those lesson’s learned early on and used them to my advantage… and somehow, I still got in…
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Floated like a Butterfly and Stung like a Bee…#24
Memories are odd creatures, especially when you live with Amnesia and you are talking and all of a sudden… You remember… but is it a new memory???… Time line and age and a picture make me question the memory, but then, amnesia makes me question all my childhood memories… We were playing, in front of…
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Experiment Comes to a Close…#23
Back around the fall of 23, we joined Blue Sky and it was an experiment for me, to see if I could tolerate the shinangans of the internet… Never been a fan and I still am not a fan… When I closed my page down on blue sky, I was impressed with the number of…
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Vulnerability is a Asset…#22
When raising male pups, you always have issues with them after they are neutered… and It can make the pup vulnerable to his litter mates and that happened this morning and I noticed Huey had a issue, and was afraid to be around his siblings… So we scooped up the other 2 pups and let…
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Time Lines become Moving Trains…#21
I can’t begin to say how many times I said, “the train left without me”… when it came to something I was thinking about or something I was doing or something I was writing about… The time line wouldn’t be cohesive and when that train pulled out of the station, leaving me chasing that caboose,…
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Fight or Flight???#20
When I see my eyes looking back at me, in any picture that was taken before I was an adult… I see now what I saw then… WHY??? That is a question that will never get answered and I can speculate, based on Freda’s history and Don’s history… but that’s making excuses for adults hurting…
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Dawn’s Early Light…#19
IF you, like me, went through this much brain trauma and you knew from a young age, something wasn’t right… All of a sudden you hope that the movie, “It’s A Wonderful Life”, or “Scrooge”, anything that would give you answer’s and you hope and you pray and then it dawn’s on you… You been…
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Amnesia walked with me…#18
No one can tell me how many times I had a brain bleed… or how many concussions or If other areas of my brain had been impacted… With tests that were available when I went active duty in 1977… I don’t remember MRI being available and no one did a CT scan of the brain……
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