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Clinical Depression…#30
I was told by the Arkansas VA shrink I had this and I asked what caused it and he couldn’t give me an answer, but he is also the one who stated I didn’t trust anyone… So, yea, I didn’t go back to see him… The link to this is below… The symptoms of depression can…
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The Awakening…#29
Coming out of this darkness that I have walked since the last bleed on the brain at 17 years old in 1971… is like watching a rose open up it’s petals as the flower smiles at the sun… I remember as a child telling my granny that my legs hurt… and her comment, “those are…
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The Corner’s of my Mind….#28
Memory can play tricks on you and I know that all to well, considering my brain trauma started before I was 8 years old… How much trauma, only one person alive can tell you that… Me… When the memory trigger happened November 7, 2017… because a airman murdered 26 innocents on November 5, 2017 in…
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Reconciliation??? #27
Can you reoncile what Trump and christians are doing??? Neither can I, but I grew up in a home with the same kind of stuff going on, violence, rape wasn’t in the picture, but it happened outside the home and violence, yea the violence in our household would make Feddie Cougar look like a saint……
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20+ Concussions not all by me?!#26
I wrote about my injuries in the first dozen or so blogs, but never explained concussions and how I came to have so many when I never played sports…. Bunk beds… Nuclear bones scans … and doctors asking questions that the perpetrator’s refused to answer, until one disclosed in passing conversation what she would do….…
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Did I Walk the Walk?? or Just BS the Hell out of It???#25
Growing up in a home that is based on religion and lack of education and most of all violence… If you are smart, you watch and learn not what to do in life and I took some of those lesson’s learned early on and used them to my advantage… and somehow, I still got in…
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Floated like a Butterfly and Stung like a Bee…#24
Memories are odd creatures, especially when you live with Amnesia and you are talking and all of a sudden… You remember… but is it a new memory???… Time line and age and a picture make me question the memory, but then, amnesia makes me question all my childhood memories… We were playing, in front of…
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Experiment Comes to a Close…#23
Back around the fall of 23, we joined Blue Sky and it was an experiment for me, to see if I could tolerate the shinangans of the internet… Never been a fan and I still am not a fan… When I closed my page down on blue sky, I was impressed with the number of…
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Vulnerability is a Asset…#22
When raising male pups, you always have issues with them after they are neutered… and It can make the pup vulnerable to his litter mates and that happened this morning and I noticed Huey had a issue, and was afraid to be around his siblings… So we scooped up the other 2 pups and let…
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Time Lines become Moving Trains…#21
I can’t begin to say how many times I said, “the train left without me”… when it came to something I was thinking about or something I was doing or something I was writing about… The time line wouldn’t be cohesive and when that train pulled out of the station, leaving me chasing that caboose,…
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Fight or Flight???#20
When I see my eyes looking back at me, in any picture that was taken before I was an adult… I see now what I saw then… WHY??? That is a question that will never get answered and I can speculate, based on Freda’s history and Don’s history… but that’s making excuses for adults hurting…
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Dawn’s Early Light…#19
IF you, like me, went through this much brain trauma and you knew from a young age, something wasn’t right… All of a sudden you hope that the movie, “It’s A Wonderful Life”, or “Scrooge”, anything that would give you answer’s and you hope and you pray and then it dawn’s on you… You been…
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Amnesia walked with me…#18
No one can tell me how many times I had a brain bleed… or how many concussions or If other areas of my brain had been impacted… With tests that were available when I went active duty in 1977… I don’t remember MRI being available and no one did a CT scan of the brain……
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Put the Brakes on the World Spinning…#17
After basic training, which was a whole different experience, especially when you take emergency leave in the middle of it, for no other reason, than someone’s else’s selfishness or the hope that I would wash out… I didn’t… No, after being set back for the leave and missing the class on foreign officers, and yep,…
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18 & Ill Equiped to take on the world…#16
We are now back in America… Japan and Okinawa had a lasting impact on my life… From the age of 14 till I turned 18, we lived in the Far East and I was given the opportunity to go back in 83… By the time we are back in the USA, I had lost most…
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USA Bound and I would Walk in Shadow for 57 years…#15
Talking about rape, always puts me in a bad mood and yesterday was no exception as the social media posts found out… Rape is beyond anything… I was strangled to death at 8, I was beat to death at 13 and again at 14… Yet I would rather have endured more of that…. Than to…
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Biggest Drug Bust and I was instrumental on Okinawa!!!…(lucky I wasn’t hurt)#14
So a few things happen before all the other stuff I wrote about Okinawa… The Hotel living was first… but my involvement with someone in the Army that happen to be involved with the biggest drug bust in military history… Yea, that’s a whole different story… I was dating this guy and he was Army……
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Sexual Assault came into play…#13
Okie dokie, lets get into sexual assault, which is part of that first 18 years of life… and not by any of the guys pictures I showed you… No these sexual assaults were moments of opportunity by people I should have been able to trust… (yea for christians)… My first taste of sexual assault was…
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Okinawa was my proving grounds…#12
John, Dennis, Tom and Wayne… some of the sweetest guys you will ever meet and all of them headed for Vietnam… circa 1971 and they played a part in my story… They move us out of the hotel and into base housing at Naha and our house was perfect location… Hanging with some friends from…
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Naha AFB, A Teen’s Playground…#11
Soldiers and marines, waiting on orders for Vietnam… I prefered Singapore Slings or Whisky Sour’s… That’s me, getting goosed… We stayed in that hotel for a few months and on occasion out of boredom, my sister and I would go out and explore and we came across, “BC street”… and anyone who was ever military…
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Okinawa, Kadena & Naha…#10
Ya know, I gotta give it to Freda, she knew how to buy us off with little gifts… She made that dress and I think while we were in a hotel for 3 months… I remember we celebrated my brother’s birthday, which was in Dec and she made a cake in that hotel room… My…
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What and Where did time go???#9
The cake says it all doesn’t it??? 16th birthday, still have short hair… But how we got moved on base before my birthday and when did we move and how did we move and yea… What happened from the time the stroke hit off base in the rice patty till we moved on base at…
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The Mantra that shaped my Future…#8 edited
Time stood still from that moment on… I didn’t know the day, I didn’t know the year, I didn’t know the season… I walked in shadow…. As the cloud of what had happened faded away… We were living in base housing on Johnson AFB and I had no memory of the move out of the…
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Johnson AFB, Japan when life changed forever….#7
I had long hair when we left the USA… I remember my aunt Aileen perming it and burned it so bad, that short hair cut and “bangs”, which was Freda’s idea, is how I looked before the stroke… The 3 kids in front were local or neighborhood military brats… the girl next to me… Well…
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Mother’s Day came again… 1968…#6
Due to the TBI on my right frontal temporal lobe, I am a typical brain injury patient… I remember the before, which I just wrote about and I remember the during, which I also just talked about… Now do I remember the after??? Many months would pass and I would not be aware of any…
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Mother’s Day, Never was what it seemed…#5
May 1967… Less than 3 months away from giving birth to a child not of my father’s blood… and like any kid on the verge of turning 13 that summer, I was full of piss and lot’s of vineagar… We ended up in Big Springs, Texas some time after Don was recalled from Vietnam… He…
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When Boobs come into Play…#4
Yea, that’s a title that doesn’t quite do the incident at 8 years old justice and nor does it do the memory of my brother justice… He took his own life by refusing cancer treatment… This story and the lies that came with it, cost a life… I wish I could tell you all about…
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Kansas Children’s TV Show… and my beating… (at 5)…#3
It is ironic… Once the memory trigger happened in 2017, recalling these disturbing memories at will is harder than living with the PTSD nightmares…. I can’t tell you what show we appeared on, but I remember Freda taking us to a studio and it was a children’s TV show… I was about 5 and my…
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The Old Fashioned Hairbrush… #2
Ever see one of those old fashioned hair brush’s with a long handle, all fancy with flowers etc and made out of that heavy duty plastic product they used for bracelets and the like??? Around the time I was close to 2 years old, I, like any toddler was learning the walking and trying to…
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What was my 1st clue I was missing memory???…#1 the begining
The answer to that is Freda, mother… she gave me my first clue something wasn’t right in my memory and she proceeded to give me clues from the time the stroke hit in 1968 after we arrived in Japan… Now how did I get to Japan??? It all started when a young airman met a…
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