He Wasn’t Always Violent…

I remember as I lay there, only 5 years old and the nurse checked my temperture and I looked up at him and said, “I am being a good girl, aren’t I daddy”???

His look was one I never forgot, even after the brain traumas and the brain bleeds… I remember his expression and I was only 5 and I was covered in bruises from head to toe… see picture…

I wrote that I don’t remember Don getting violent until after the softball to the head that knocked him out and started his journey into Sundowner’s and dementia…

When Freda beat me after the TV interview, as you can see by the above picture, I mentioned Freda had a major issue with her hormones and do I know that for a fact???

Yes, ask Dr. Wolett!!!

Freda was one of those people who had early childhood trauma and she says she was in a auto accident and lost her maxillary teeth, (I was a dental tech, not a snow balls chance that story is accurate, more likely neglect or something else)…

So, I can’t say with 100% accuracy she didn’t have some kind of brain trauma… Have to keep this real… But I can say, hormonal, she was bat shit crazy and every time she got pregnant, someone in that household paid and it usually was me… (but Peggy got slapped once)… sorry I digress…

Shes pregnant in this picture I included… and I am covered in bruises…

To be honest… Freda wasn’t anything like the Clancy woman… Freda knew the difference between right and wrong and she also knew how to manipulate people to get what she wanted, her only problem…

No self awareness or critical thinking, because, she never could see anything other than her own agenda and in the end, that agenda was a nasty end to her life…

Greed and hate and fear drove that scenario and someday, I will get a court order and get my hands on Fredas last checking account… I have the account number… (I sent her money…)

As for Don, when that softball hit his head, it changed him but it didn’t change our environment…

He didn’t stop her abuse, in fact, he let her control the narrative and when we got to big for her to hit and control, she had him do it and by that time… He was spiraling down the rabbit hole of sundowner’s and early dementia… and she knew he had something, she didn’t know what, but she knew when she left him in Mena, she knew…

She controlled the narrative… and she did…

I will never forget the look on Don’s face as I laid there and got my temp taken and I was black and blue and purple from my skull to my feet and his look….

Cowardice… He couldn’t face the reality of what Freda had done, so he didn’t accept it… 3 years before the softball blow to the head, he was showing early dementia…

I was only 5 years old and knew…!!! HOW???

Did you see the piano 5 year old player that is beyond talented, total genius!?

He was asked by the interviewer, “did you learn all this or what?”

The kid replied, “IT’s All In My Head”… It’s just all there and that is me…

Me, with over 20 brain injuries and somehow, I still functioned, had a successful life and made loads of mistakes along that path in life…

But that kid said what I have told doctors for decades….

I Just KNOW!!!

Neurologist can’t explain it, they can’t explain anything I have lived with, because only my behavior, or outward behavior was text book… (and boy did I have loads of fun with no inhibitions, blush, blush.!!)

I can’t explain it either… I just know how to do and if I screw up, I learn it and don’t forget it… (unless it is something I have no interest in)…

These memories of Don are important, because Freda’s narrative wasn’t anything accurate, it was her story and there was no changing it, even if it meant the destruction of her first born and it did cost him his life, my older half brother…

Mental illness is not only pervasive, but with women, it’s on steroids, because of our hormones…

I know I lived it too and I went down that dark path Clancy took, but, again, my brain isn’t like most peoples and I have always known that and why I always felt so alone in the world…

Homer will tell you, the only time I heard from my mother or father, if they wanted something and that was usually picking my brain…

Sad thing is, I hadn’t seen the family since 83 and Homer takes me there in 96 and it just played out in my brain…

It was all so fake… All of them… So very very fake and I really thought at one time I was missing out on something…

Guess not…

Definite a tangent of a write…

I remember…