#92… Love quickly became Hate…

Rape is not only in physical form, it can be psychological also… We have people born into our society of high intelligence and once in a while those smart ones, get damaged and what comes out on the other side is your friendly Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde…

Except mine was in female form…

Even as a toddler, I knew what violence was and I was mystified how someone so little could be the reason of so much rage… But rage she did and violently…

By the time I was walking we, like many who could afford it, had a TV in a big box that sat on the floor… and it was enticing…

As I gathered my strength to get up and walk, not even a year old… I felt that cold glass from that TV and then I felt the sting along my lower back and screamed in pain… Then I heard it…

Rage…

She broke her long handled old fashion hair brush on my backside and in the process, damaged my spinal cord… I wasn’t even a year old and I knew pain and I knew violence and I knew rage…

It is conflicting when you are a child and you are taught to believe in a god and in love and in family… Yet all you receive is violence and verbal abuse and physical abuse and psychological abuse and yea… this is god’s will!!??

Yea an I got a bridge in the Pacific for sale…

I went through that same conflict… I loved my parents and I hated them with everything I am and I will go to my grave, hating them with everything I am!!!

WHY???

I am one of the lucky ones!!! I was born healthy and the only health issues I have ever had…

Because of domestic violence and the injuries I live with today…

My echo is 55… at 72 years old my echo is 55!!!!! All because I lived the fight or flight for 71 years until that court clerk yelled at me and truly, I could give that kid a hug for triggering my last part of my journey out of darkness… I mean for real!!! I could HUG her!!!

You take the gifts that are given and you use them to their fullest or you wasted the gift someone gave you and that court clerk will never know the gift she gave me…

FREEDOM!!!!!

The mental health side of all this… Fighting my way out of darkness and watching the last vesttage of depression leave me and all that is left…

Little old me… and it’s about damn time!!!

Decades of chronic fatigue, decades of chronic brain fog, decades of self doubt and emotional baggage… All because Freda didn’t want anyone to know her secret… Only one problem!!!

EVERYONE KNEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yea, I let a big sigh out on that one…

Accepting… Accepting the fact I live with physical disabilities because of christians will never get me to like, love, or anything else towards any moron that whorships a god that raped a child so it could give birth to a GOD so that god could own us… I mean REALLY????

You can’t fix stupid… Amazon keeps selling out of the kits…

So what’s next…

Court… and as I wait for that date to come and go… I will finish working my way through any emotional baggage that may be left and at this point… Not feeling any… I have no love lost for those that were and are abusive… They are and always will be dead to me… They just don’t know it… yea wink wink!!!

It feels good, every day as I progress and I wake up and what’s on my brain is usually a song or two and nothing to do with my past and you have no idea what it is like to wake up and not have that front and center… It means I am continuing to grow as a person… as Maggi…

Homer is doing much better… Sleep was pivotal to his issues and decades of not getting rest… His body is finally going there at night… Not every night… But you can see, confusion is less and he is more observant than he has been… So I have hope we can stay at this stage of dementia for a very long time…

Puppies are thriving and a joy and lots of laughter, scratches and torn skin… but at 11 months old, they are also learning and growing and they make our home that much brighter…

Have a wonderful day… I have errands to get done as we are at 106 in heat today… So inside for me by 11AM…

I remember…