Neurologist I was seeing told me, if you write the book, have a doctor review it… That was 2019 or 20… Didn’t get why then, but now I do…

I went to him purely for answer’s… No medications, no treatment, no diagnosis… I thought I had all those answers and I had questions…

He answered those questions and helped me to understand the injuries I had lived with since I was a year old and Freda gave me a central spinal cord injury… From that point on, it was abuse after abuse and by the time I was 8 years old…

I had compartment syndrome in all my limbs, I had numerous concusions and brain trauma, I had nerve damage, muscle damage and I had spinal cord damage… and by the time the beating at 8 happened, death was the only thing left and it rejected me…

Why the write???…

I saw physical therapist on Hawaii and those kids taught me what I do now that keeps me mobile and out of a wheel chair and they also helped me understand future tests that happened in Washington, the final piece of the puzzle…

I knew I had compartment syndrome in my legs by the surgery done at El Paso VA and they over dosed me on anesthesia and caused a vaso thing to happen and put my still healing brain into a fog… I didn’t go back for another surgery…

But I didn’t know I had it in my arms until we got to Washington and the VA had me tested in Wenatchee and the guy says muscle damage in my right arm and I am like how and here we are… with the memory restored and now I know, Freda and the TV interview beating at 5 years old…

I was wrote up in the Air Force for throwing insturments when I was a dental tech and as I stood there and got yelled at by Dr. Jacobs, I am thinking, what just happened, I couldn’t hold onto those said insturments and my hand jerked and they went flying…

It wasn’t long after that, I pretty much quit wearing makeup… I got tired of stabbing myself in the eye with mascara!!! I don’t wear any to this day…

The signs were there, the professionalism wasn’t and I should have met a medical board according to my records and I don’t even want to think how fucked up that would have been…

It took me, putting it all together and lying to get a MRI of the brain, to prove what I had said since I went active duty…

Anyway… The compartment syndrome symptoms are now impacting daily life and it is getting hard for me to hold on to lots of anything…

I work at the little exercises those kids taught me and do what I need to do and hope, I don’t ever need someone to wipe my, well you know?!…

I remember…

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