Anyone who has a brain knows, medicine is not black and white… It has a lot of grey and it has a lot of unknowns… Why??? Because science is still learning and unlike religion, it never stops learning…

Not having much to gross about… Like I said, sleep, it’s what I expect, day time thoughts are busy with life and not the past and Homer… well Homer is still breathing, for now… and I know where the shovel is!!!

One thing I asked doctors ever since I was 17 years old… WHY???

Why does this feel like a sprain, when all I did was do this or why does this feel weak, when all I did was this or why does it hurt to swallow or why this or why that and I tell ya… I didn’t stop asking questions from 1971 till last year, and I figured out the last WHY!!!

Amnesia took more than just 14 years of my life, the last blow to my head caused a stroke also and it looks more and more like I had one during SARS on Japan in the 80’s… 3 strokes and no one knew, not even me…

I had clues, don’t get me wrong… But because I was a total tomboy and because I loved anything outdoors, hiking, fishing, camping, biking, running, swimming… I was all in, and that went on till after Homer and I married in 94… So, I never have slowed down, not even as a kid…

So, my little issues, my little weakness’s… didn’t slow me down… Didn’t keep me out of the military and didn’t stop me from having a life…

But they sure complicated it…

When the nerve induction tests were done on my arms, this was the 2nd time and this time it registered muscle damage and the area that is damaged is the area Freda fractured when I was 5 years old over the TV interview… and last year, I put it all together…

Diagnoisis from the pros… Perhperal neuropathy… I really shouldn’t be able to walk… Stenosis in my whole spine, mass adhesions at 19 and blood work that would screw with the best in the state…

All my life, no one could tell me why I had weakness or dizzy or nausea or IBS or a multiude of other issues and it all came back to one thing…

Domestic violence…

Thanks to my mother hurting me before I was 2 years old and then continued the abuse until the last blow by Don at 17… my body was reasonably banged up for never seeing the battle front… (most men would never survive what I survived)… 2 deaths and counting…

So when I am doing stuff and pain hits in this muscle or that, I know… When I grab something and can’t hold onto it, I know… When I am walking and all of a sudden can’t feel my legs, I know… When I am doing fine work and can’t see, I know… When I am eating and can not get the throat to swallow, I know… When I sit on the toilet and my body does a purge, I know…

Domestic violence…

When I saw my new care provider, I told the kid… I don’t need you for anything but meds and blood once a year… I live with old injuries and we left it at that…

Homer will tell you, out of 32 years, seeing me really sick just doesn’t happen… I was born healthy and would have stayed that way, if domestic violence and christians had stayed out of my life, but throw in gang rape by Air Force officers, they did their damage too… Which I am dealing with now… decades later…

Yea, you tell me you are a christian and I won’t be inviting you into my home… You tell me you support anything Trump and you’ll be the wiser to keep your distance… Why, because I don’t have a problem telling any asshole to fuck off, in public or private and quite a few assholes found that out over the years…

I remember…

goofball write, but still a write…

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