Getting to see a neuro psychologist for a couple years was a gift, that I will always appreciate… Not for the mental health part… No I needed answers to questions I had been asking since I was 17… and why I was missing memory and how did I get injured???

Before 2017, before the murder of 26 innocents in Sutherland Springs, Texas… I was haunted by a memory in Big Springs, Texas…

The night I died at 13 years old protecting a baby not of my dad’s blood and I would watch the destruction of my best friend, my older half brother… Our mother was a master of lies, she could run circles around Trump…

Texas haunted me so much, I almost bought a home in El Paso in 2008, I opted for Las Cruces instead, because I had enough issue, just going to the El Paso VA… Texas, not my favorite state…

1967 I would get a 2nd chance at death and to this day, I can’t stand cops or needles… All I know, I was out cold and woke to people working on me… I had a phobia about needles from that point on… I also had a moderate TBI…

When he beat me again at 14 and I had the bleed on the brain it scared him and Freda… They were afraid what would happen… She fast talked her ex out of not pushing for charges against Don, the night I died and the night my big brother took a beating just as bad…

Haunted… Haunted by nightmares and now I wake and think… why am I awake, oh yea, bladder and back to bed I go… no nightmares, no anything…

Can PTSD leave you after 69 years??? I don’t know… I know I don’t spend my day brooding about the past, I don’t find myself thinking of family or anything to do with my birth family… Though…

Last night as I crawled in bed, out of the blue, one of the sexual assaults when I was 18, working as a nanny… Seriously, Epstein victims, just aired out sexual abuse among christians and government employees… Trump is a government employee!!!

There have been so many in my life since I was 12 years old, I lost count and I did everything I could not to focus or think about any of the dozen or so assaults… I want to thrive, not be depressed… It can be a struggle when out of the blue, a memory hits…

But, surprisingly it didn’t haunt my sleep… I just saw the rape again and shrugged my shoulders and said, that was a sign the bastard died and went to sleep… Even if he didn’t, it was good enough for me, because he was dead the minute he touched me as were all the rest… Subhuman are rapist… Vile and barbaric…

Haunted no more, may explain why my shoulder’s are no longer trying to crawl into my ears… all that stress and tension has done what it should do… become a memory that can’t harm me anymore… It’s.. just.. a.. “memory”….

No, now it’s ouch, because I brushed up against something and the old fractures from 5 years old let me know how active the arthritsis is and has been since I was a teen… So I grab tylenol or NSAIDS, and do what I need to do and move on… The pain, it has walked with me since she hurt me when I was a toddler… Pain is my life, it is what it is…

Court is getting closer, oddly, I haven’t bothered with anything, not changing my stance, not letting them buy me with my property… I mean for real, the inheritance doesn’t even match my monthly income… so, it was never about the money, it was about elder abuse and fraud… My birth family are nothing but frauds… Fake christians…

Anyhow… I am finding I can write for longer periods, hold focus and write and that is a huge step since the memory trigger in 2017… It shows me that the chaos I lived with for decades because of the multiple brain traumas… May finally be setteling down… Not even neuro can tell me what to expect next… I don’t meet the norm for text book, thus why the neuro doc told me to have a doctor review my book… If I get that far, but it seems, that may happen as the brain continues it’s journey…

Our of darkness…

I remember…

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