Even a sociopath will have painful thoughts, but do they give into them or are they more like Trump, indifferent, callous and cold???

For my mother, I would say, she was all the above and I really wish I had a crystal ball into her brain, because she was an enigma and she wasted all her talent only to be destroyed by that talent…

When I got the death certificates I was shocked… Freda had been in Hospice care and no one, not one sibling reached out to me, to let me know…

I never changed my phone number from 2009 to 2025 June… 6 months after Freda’s death… I got a new number…

The choice these people made is the choice they will die with and what time they have left on earth, it will fester into a boil of poison to the grave…

That’s how Don and Freda met death…

Every day, I force myself to face the painful thoughts, because if I ignore them… Then I am running away from my answers and not towards them…

Some days those thoughts get very dark and I get a flash of memory that goes with a PTSD nightmare and I say to myself, “wow, how barbaric are the people that call themselves christian”…

I know the thoughts will always be with me, but, they no longer consume me…

I find myself wandering to other subjects other thoughts, finding myself, enjoying and loving my life…

It took decades to get to this point and the death of my mother…

Only one other person is alive that has any knowledge and that person, is a mini me of Freda and they prove it daily with their behavior, as do the others… I no longer mourn for their stupidity, I pity them…

I wish I had the ear of the neuro psychologist I was seeing on the big island… He would enjoy this part of my journey out of amnesia… He told me, “If you write your book, get a doctor to review it”… He knew, I wasn’t stupid and he knew, I was on a journey for the text books… Thus why I blog…

Do you know, I can’t remember what I write??? I can read this blog over and over and it likely won’t stick in my short term, because the memory is in the long term and it’s there for the taking… so, I don’t bother thinking about what I wrote after I am done… It’s more like a diary for when I work on the book… I did buy a 3yr plan this time!!!

Homer is up, the pups have been up since 4 and I got a good sleep, because I am doing what I need to do for my mental health and how I approach the court… Which was requested for a hearing next month…

I won’t know what I will do, until that day, because the mini me’s of Freda… (so much like Trump)…. Probably won’t reach out to me… They live in perpetual fear because of how Freda manipulated them… No critical thinking and no self awareness… If they had those… Freda would have died with $100,000 in the bank…

The day is up, we are hitting the 100’s in heat index, so we get our chores done early so my migraines don’t kick in… Heat is my nemesis…

I remember…

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