Where do I start or begin with this one..?? How do I convey what I am feeling or experiencing…??

Until the memory trigger in 2017… at which time I was 63 years old… I did the people pleaser routine and by the time Homer and I moved to Hawaii, that was dying a rapid death, only because… I was waking up…

Once the trigger happened, it all flooded in on me and I had one major explosion, which Homer and I prefer I never do again…

That’s when I started laying boundaries with everyone… my kids, Homer’s kid, the grandkids, our friends… Yep, the pocketbook was closed and the relationships, were going to take a bit more than lip service… It was going to take commitment… on everyone’s part…

During all that time, family stole from each other… Elder abuse was done in so many ways… It has become an accepted practice… by those who swear a god is real…

I know my siblings probably need that little bit of money Freda left behind… Money I got her… Money she was receiving, because I did the work…

Only problem, they destroyed any empathy I had left…

When Homer’s kid, did what she did… That was the death nail in our relationship and there is no going back… She isn’t mine, nor are her kids… Mental illness runs in the family and it will come back and bite her in the end…

As for me and mine… My oldest pulled a stupid, but did the honorable, so he turned out okay, the next… Well, when you live life and don’t own your choices, you may end up with mental illness… As for the significant others and my grandkids..??

They all know their are boundaries and if you want to play in my world… Respect them…

Took me decades to achieve boundaries in life…

As I was showering last night, no clue why it hit me, but I thought of all the sexual assaults I was put through…

12 years old, 13, 14, 17, 19 which got me a kid… 24 AF(Air Force) officer gang rape… and the last time anyone touched me without permission… 39… a few months before Homer and I married…

Just keep in mind, religion prays away those events… The brain says fuck you and makes you relive them over and over and over and in detail!!!!

So, when my own birth family, beat me to death, strangled me to death, stole from me, cheated me, lied to me, raped my kid!!!

I am supposed to have empathy for their current financial situation????????????

Yea, not happening…

No I am going to continue to let those court papers sit there and if I remember what I read oh so long ago and I am right… Statue of limitations could play out…

The only empathy I have left in me… Lives in my home… Homer and 3 little rat terriers, anything else…

I paid my dues…

I remember..

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