Good morning world, hope your night was good, ours was rock and roll lightning and thunder with subsequent down pours… Sleep, sleep was elusive, but, I woke up any how…

Empathy, to me, was never a gift, it was more a curse and to learn how to control those urges and to monitor those actions, takes a lot of energy when you want to live your own life too, but other’s, they pull and tug, because, something about you makes them feel secure…

I told Homer, the reason our kids aren’t around… They can’t get away with anything… Not the selfishness, not the snarky, not the blame game, not the “not my fault” game… In fact when the oldest told me something a couple years ago, and I gave a response… Him in his 40’s didn’t like my answer… So I told him….

If you don’t want to know my opinion, don’t tell me, because you don’t have a say on what I say or do… So you can tell, the way I treat my son’s, explains why their father’s are not in our lives…

I don’t matter, unless they feel guilty, to live by my standards… You HAVE TO TREAT WOMEN LIKE WOMEN AND NOT PROPERTY!!!!!!!!

Well, I know of their past relationships and yep, not to my standard of decency… and that Homer can tell you, isn’t that high of a mark, but it has standards…

So I treat our kids, the way they treat us and they don’t like it… We have contact, but I wouldn’t call it anymore than acting like acquaintances… and that’s just the reality of people not facing their choices and expecting us to turn the other cheek… Yea, for them being atheist, that sure sounds churchy….

So, If I feel that way about our children who range in age from 46 to 52… Imagine how I feel and think about my birth family…. Yea, you can put a bunch of emojis here…

My empathy has cost me in the thousands over the decades and after the memory trigger in 2017… Things changed and they changed quickly…

Did I make all the right choices as I have progressed out of darkness??? I think so, my family may not think that, but they are only along for the ride and not the journey…

I can’t take on helping anyone outside my own little world, because my own little world I created by having kids, takes more out of me than I have to give sometimes…

With that being said… I can’t feel guilty when other’s reach out to me with their own personal journey and I have nothing more to offer than support…

Not advice, not monetary, not physical or emotional… Just support from one human to another…

I can offer love till I am blue in the face… I did that for someone on Blue Sky and she rejected the affection, a christian she says she is… those are the kind of people, I try and after a while, you take that love, that caring, that affection and hold it close because rejection is their choice, not yours…

Yea, empathy has cost me greatly over the decades and most of that was monetary… Any love I had for those I helped was never truly returned and I knew…

Religion wasn’t the only manipulator out there… Humans were the master drivers…

I remember…

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