Wanna feel sorry for someone, feel sorry for Homer… He has had to listen to me rant for 32 years and at times, his dementia gives him a break from my talking about the past…

Every movement I make, every flex of my mouth, neck, arms, hands, wrists, thighs, legs, knees, ankles and spine… I know… I know who and I know why…

Christians…

The sickest people on this planet are those that believe in magic and they are the ones that hurt the most life they can hurt, and they do it any way they can… History records it, we live it…

I am out of questions about anything to do with the body… It only took from 1971 to now to get all the answers about everything I ever asked any doctor or specialist… It took 55 years for me to come full circle…

Now I bitch about health care, but to be honest… Half the time, someone got it right and those are the memories I am reviewing… The hand full of military and VA doctors and the various military and VA and private dentist I saw… Some got it right… a bunch of them didn’t… so you can understand my hostile nature towards health care in America, it is hit or miss…

It’s the ones that got the stuff right that I heard… It’s the ones that made suggestions for certain things pertaining to my care, that I followed and it was the ones that were honest in their approach, learning with me as we went through tests…

Those are the ones I hear running in the back of my brain competing for my attention, screaming, “I told you so”, type mantra…

It’s because of that hand full of doctor’s and a couple dentist I hired, that made what I live with doable… Not fun, but tolerable…

When the memory trigger happened on Hawaii, within a couple years I asked for Physical Therapy and I used my medicare, so I could go for a couple years… I had a lot to learn…

Not only did they teach me what I needed for the physical issues, but they caught the issue with my TMJ and taught me things to make it tolerable and this was before anyone said the cartilage was gone… So I knew, but had no proof…

Thanks to those kids on Hawaii teaching me what they did and me finally getting to a point in my brain where the chaos is gone, the clouded memories are gone and I can see the forest for the trees… I been doing their routines for a few years now and thanks to this week, I am adding a couple more they taught me, so eating isn’t so miserable…

Facing the fact that my own stubborness and my own messed up mantra of not respecting myself and not doing more for myself… Well, it died the death it should have died decades ago… When the family drama played out this summer… Final nail in that coffin is laid to rest… Along with my own agnst against myself…

I have many old habits to break and many new habits to incorporate so that my remaining time left on earth is a little more pleasant than the past has been…

Nothing can fix my TMJ, unless they come up with a way that doesn’t fail… I learned a long time ago, eat soft diet, never open to wide and always aware I am of it’s ability to lock in place… yea we don’t wanna do that…

The day is up and going, we have plants to move outside and I have work to get done… Letting it all go, that’s the hardest thing to teach myself… the pain never lets me go… but somehow, I will figure out a way to put the past behind me and enjoy what I have…

I remember…

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