I am a rebel!!! Are you??? Did you do, just because your parents told you not too??? Did you rebel like a reble???

My morning has been one of interesting reflections and the journey my brain is taking me on now, it’s very unlike anything I have experienced since before I was 14, before the amnesia took what I already knew…

Joy…

I remember we never had much money… Don was a E2 when he and Freda married in 1954… Her pregnant and a child from her first marriage and E2’s, they didn’t bring in much, but he still sent money home to his momma in Bonita… (She didn’t want him to marry, but he was in love and that love would be a world of violence and pain)…

Freda worked at a factory and was making more money than Don, when they got together… She learned at a early age to sew and did industrial sewing… We had a TV when I was a toddler and that was not often you saw that in 1954…

Once the babies started coming, Freda had to quit work and Don would take on 2nd jobs through out his military career, until Mather AFB… His last and final assignment…

Freda made most of our clothes and I never had much… Probably why this write…

I was in my bedroom, looking at my custom closet Homer and I did and realized… Over 70% that was hanging, had never been worn and it hit me…

Why aren’t I wearing the clothes and some have hung there for over 20 years and never been worn, except to try on?!?!

It dawned me as I stood there and started moving clothes around… I was breaking the bond that tied me to my family and how poor we were and how instead of taking advantage of what was available… We looked for ways to compensate for what we thought was lacking….

A few of those items are not every day wear, more for dress up… The rest however are a reminder to myself that I don’t have to be so cautious not only with the clothes but with everything Homer and I built for ourselves these last 3+ decades…

Getting new clothes as a kid was a treat… One that held a dark side…

She would make new clothes for you after a brutal beating… I got several new outfits after the boob incident… Type of clothing and patterns I won’t touch to this day…

You could say her abuse and her buying me with gifts, left a mark on my clothing styles and taste now… Nothing like hers and never will be…

So I am changing up my view on my own clothing I bought for myself and instead of a sweater when the AC makes me cold, it’s a long sleeve shirt, instead of shorts or pants its a skirt or dress…

Instead of looking at my closet as a reminder of what once was, now, it’s an adventure on what I will wear today and see how fast the puppies can destroy it… Just keeping it real…

Have a wonderful day… and those bonds that you think bind you…

Look for that loose thread and give it a pull, you may be surprised what unravels…

I remember…

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