Amnesia has been an experience I wish on no one, except maybe the idol worshippers and Trumps mafia… but lets move on…

Figuring out what happened the last 33 years, before Homer and I even met or got married… and it all goes back to one doctor…

That doctor put me on thyroid medication, that doctor missed Homer’s heart attack in 2002 and that doctor worked the ER and one of our friends died on the table…

I won’t mention the doctor or the town… but lets put it this way…

Our health care is awful and I lived in Italy, Japan, Okinawa… I had health care in those countries back in the 70’s and 80’s… They do better than America ever has…

So lets table the worse health care out there and that would be the Veterans Administration and the United States Military…

When I was a kid, we were always at war… When I went active duty, it was the one time in my life time we were not at war, until Trump came along…

So our military doctors, those who had seen combat, they knew a few things and I got to see some of those guys and to be honest… I wish I had listened to them… and not those I saw after leaving the military and using the health care system at the VA…

But that doesn’t mean all my health care with the VA has been lousy… But 80% has, because of lack of training, knowledge and flexibility in the VA health system because you had congress dictating health care instead of doing their job and veterans have never recovered from the republicans taking so much of our care away…

Why the write…???

I dwell less and less on what I live with now… For decades I screamed, cried, begged, give me some answers and what it took…

The death of my last abuser and the true light put on the rest that continued the abuse up to and after her death…

Freda’s passing was unexpected because no one told me, she was sick and they all had my phone number, so bringing my mind and my heart, being kicked to the curb, to terms with the corruption of such vile creatures as christians, has come full circle…

Every little part of me that would tense with a thought, is now being taught to let the thought go and make the body relax…

That is all the way from the top of my brain, where the headaches remind me of the abuse down to my ankles where she brutally hit them when I was 5…

I am literally teaching my 72 year old body how to live again, but on my terms…

Not bunched up shoulders to my ears, not a tight TMJ and jaw line that will scream in pain after clenching it for just a few seconds…

It never recovered from the last blow to my head at 17… Thus why I asked to see a surgeon, to see if anything can be done or is it all physical therapy and teaching my facial mechanics how to let go of the tension that once was and is habit only now…

Teaching my body to be upright, adjust the injured spine, tilt the pelvis to put my hips in place so that I can walk and feel the muscles in my thighs, instead of compensating and walking like a broken human being…

Teaching my brain at night, not to take anything to bed with me… to leave it all in the living room and embrace the dark and sleep well and I know I do when I wake and the bed isn’t torn apart… It rarely is anymore unless the pain is bad all night…

Teaching my soul of my existence… Everyone had the ability to make a choice and I can go back and see the writing on the wall, when each and every sibling made the choice to follow our parents foot paths…

Their deaths are indicative of the corruption of the heart, body, mind and most of all their souls… My siblings won’t fare any better… Greed is a ugly way to live…

Teaching myslef, every morning I wake is a gift my body is giving me and for me to waste it on anyone but myself is a betrayal to myself…

I passed on the opportunity to be wealthy more than once… The price was too high… I passed on the opportunity to be a part of my birth family…

I was the only one to walk away and live the life they all professed as christians… Only difference…

I lived by our constitution and not some man made gods rules of insanity and nonsense…

I had enough of that junk fighting my way out of this amnesia…

Moral of the story…

I beleived in me and I will continue to do so till my end… Homer is alive, because of that… and he knows that and used to tell his heart doctors I was the one that caught his heart failure…

His first heart doc was from Canada, sweet french canadian… and she asked me how I knew Homer was dying without training…

What I told her, made her look at her own life of living with her boyfriend for years and the relationship not maturing like Homer’s and mine… and she went to find what I had…

My ability has saved more than one life…

Including mine…

I remember…

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