Before we had the internet, I read what ever I could get my hands on and proceeded to forget just about everything I read, until I need the information and some how, some way, it pops into those grey cells Peirot uses in solving crimes… and this crime is against women and men screw it up so bad they fear us and they should…

I knew, somehow I knew that because of the beatings as a child and subsequent beating after Big Springs, Texas and near death #2… I knew…

My hormones were way off…

My body was ready to start it’s normal thing by the time I turned 13, then Big Springs, Texas happened and Don beat me to death and nearly killed my brother, all because of Freda…

By the time the beating a year later on Japan happened… My hormones were done with trying to do what nature intended and they went on Hiatus… and I mean they left the building….

Not knowing or not remembering all the physical trauma Don & Freda Bagwell did to my body from birth till that last blow at 17… Took my body on a hormone trip to hell and back…

From 1954 till this past year, I have lived a roller coaster ride of hormones and got told so much bull shit by doctors, military, VA and private doctors… I decided I was solving this on my own and have, and if you read the blog, you know I have been on the hunt for answers since my first spinal cord injury at 1 years old… (The information has always been in my brain!!! If a piano prodigy has it, why couldn’t I????!!!!)

Sorry I digress, hormones ya know…

So, this is how it went down…

I knew before I was 13, menstrual was getting ready to kick in and start, then the beating at 13, impacted my brain….

Then the beating at 14 caused a bleed on the brain and by the time we got ready to leave Japan for Okinawa, I was 17 years old and had just started my period and oh lordy, was that another hell on earth for 7 years…

So I did the bleeding thing and it would last weeks or months and it was painful and crazy and I tried birth control which made my hormones go even more bonkers, so I get pregnant twice and say screw this shit, tie those tubes and by 1977… I was done having kids or dealing with pregnancy, but that wasn’t the end…

Within 2 years of entering the Air Force and everyone getting the diagnosis wrong, they take out my tubes and ovaries… (may have saved me from cancer to be honest with this family history) and within another 2 years the cervix and uterus came out and yea you got it hormone hell…

With brain injuries still healing, I go on HRT till the rumors and fake science says its awful and I quit taking HRT after 20+ years and developed early osteo issues and supplemented my diet with calcium and D3…

72 years old and only broke one bone in 24, when I fell out the 5th wheel door… Other wise…

Heart healthy, bone healthy… Only caveate… Hot flash’s and I still have them, but the hormones, lets get back to the hormones…

Mine are finally adjusting to the body changes, because and I am guessing… Because the brain is pretty much done with the healing process… and I don’t mean the mental health part, I mean all those concussions, the moderate TBI, the 2 brain bleeds…

All that damamge has gotten to where it has rerouted and healed enough to where the body and the brain are finally in balance as it should have always been if it hadn’t been for christians and their violence…

I always thought the weepy crap I dealt with was related to the pot, but the last few months, going through this last phase of mental health recovery and healing… Says it was more likely hormone and brain injury related… and it doesn’t control the narrative, unless I have tooo much caffine… just keeping it real…

The mental health part of this journey has been the most fascinating… I watch as those in my life make choices and they do those choices with out full awareness of the probable outcomes and I know, intellectually, I am losing the only one I know who can actually converse with me and have some understanding and that is slipping away daily with his disease…

It will leave a huge hole in my life…

I know the hormone thing is finally finishing it’s self off, because of my one little thing I have had since the hormones kicked in…

My mustache and at one time it was real noticeable… Not so much anymore… But at least the hair on my head is not disappearing…

I knew a long time ago, what the Air Force did was a huge mistake and I paid for it in so many ways over the decades as the body and the brain healed together…

You have know idea how good it is to know why I hurt, where I hurt and most of all I know who made me hurt…

Freda will never be thought of in any other light but the fact her and Don both should have seen prison time for those 2 near deaths I got to experience…

Wow, a long write, kept the train of thought and didn’t go off track… I have hope I can do that with the book…

I remember…

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