I researched as much as I could think to look for any case, even remotely like mine and found none… Not any case I could look at and say, I know that feeling or that thought or that frustration!!! I found none… So, I studied me…

Coming out of amnesia, is like a float down the canals of Venice old… Quiet, relaxed until it floods… Then you are longing for higher ground…

I know before the beating at 14, when the bleed on the brain happened, I knew… I remembered everything… And I mean I remembered everything…

As my waking hours find, when I think of something it jells into a memory from the area of my brain that drowned in blood… I never got any care for the strokes or the TBI or the concussions… I was hidden away… and now…

I hide myself away, so that I can forage into the area of my brain that locked me out…

I get glimpses… I get moments where I see a memory and it plays into another memory and I go, “I remember”, you are no longer lost and I file the memory away to fill the hole that has existed since that stroke at 14…

The chaos… Oh the chaos I lived with for decades, because I didn’t remember… That is gone… The fight or flight that I lived for 70 years… That too is gone… Most of what I did to protect myself are no longer needed… I stood alone after Larry was sent home, I stand alone now…

I am angry and I am mad and I am furious… You wouldn’t know it, except in my writing… It may show up in court…

Leaving the fatigue, the chaos and the constant nagging I was missing memory… Gone…

Only time will tell how much I will remember from those first 14 years of life, but I know, the last blow to my head on Okinawa at 17, it too caused a bleed, because I forgot my best friend and she reminded me of that 40 years later…

I remember…

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