Living with amnesia, not a neurological problem I wish upon any human…

I have dreamed of waking from this nightmare of walking between two worlds, since the stroke at 14…

The bleed at 14 would take everything I ever held dear and I would fight my night time demons that would roll across my mind as I wrestled with the ghosts of past trauma…

I would question my pain, I would question my nightmares, I would question the family who did this… I got the same response…

Indifference to my struggles or my fears…

When I hear the words, “rest in peace”!!! I want to puke!!!

There is no rest!!!

There is peace though😉

I didn’t make memories when I died, in fact, you don’t know your dead, unless you survive and realize!!!

You have a hole in your edetic memory!!!

My journey to remember… because of 26 innocents were murdered… Is not the way I wanted my memory trigger to come about…

Since that day when I told Homer of the night I died in Big Springs, Texas… I have traveled the darkness created by domestic violence… I have traveled the ugly, the hate, the envy and the greed…

I warned the family, not to mess with me, when I filed the paperwork to be executor and I warned the half sister… You really don’t want to take me on… why???

Because of that edetic memory ability…

I will never understand, how I lost memory since the brain bleeds at 14 and 17… I don’t know what caused me to lose memory as an adult, but it all leads, to 2 more brain bleeds…

Because of those bleeds, I lost memory and one of the things I remembered, barely and not completely… How to screw up an estate if illegal activity goes on… I read about it back in the 80’s and if I did it right… What is going on now, is either up to me or the judge… and as far as I am concerned…

It can sit there and nothing is done and I will continue to keep that Umbrella policy in place… Why??? Because that trailer hasn’t been legally sold and Insurance can’t be put on it, because it still belongs to the heir’s, regardless what my sister or her daughter’s, lawyer does…

But I could be wrong, but If I was… Why hasn’t the judge given into their request??? I have no intention of doing anything other than what I filed as executor… They can lawyer up till hell freezes over and that will cost them, not me…

Corruption is corruption and being trapped was were I felt, until this weekend and I realized…

I told them so…

I am no genius by any means… I use the same method I used as a child to survive, because of that IQ I was born with… I used too, many decades ago, wonder what I could have accomplished in life, if I hadn’t had so much brain trauma…

I don’t ask that question any more… I am me… I am the product of a survivor who never had any other option, but to fight to survive…

So I could remember…

Some memories I lost in my adult years have come back… and that’s because memories I lost are in the last 40 years…

The memories from my childhood… I get glimpses and I get nightmares and I get reminders… It doesn’t always work out to make sense right away… No It can take me years to understand a memory that is only seconds long, but that memory has value, it shows me what they did…

The neurologist on Hawaii, agreed with me, when I said I make memories in my brain different for other people… He didn’t agree that I had photographic… Though he didn’t test me… I used him for answers, not for any kind of treatment… I asked questions, so I could open those memories I do have…

Every day, is a good day… and some of those days are reminders of what once was…

I remember…

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