Yesterday we celebrated our 32nd anniversary and I had saved steaks I bought last year for our dinner, so we were excited to have a meal, we rarely get and enjoy our day, then it happened…

I get an email from Dr. Cooper’s office, the doctor that told me to go use my “FREE VA”!!!

Needless to say, I went off the hook within 10 minutes, trying to access the site for the bill to see what the hell was going on, because, I fired that bitch and not a snow balls chance in hell either Homer or myself will ever step foot in that clinic again….

Yes, there were no appointments and the bill is likely a mistake, but… It set off my PTSD and I almost let the moment ruin our anniversary dinner…

Before the court filing… I would have dwelled on this, let it fester, freaked out, gotten pissed, thrown a hissy fit… Instead, after about 10 minutes and realizing I wasn’t going to reach anyone since they closed a few minutes after I got the email!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I took a deep breath, reviewed what happenedd in those few moments and took control of the situation…

I used to dwell, fuss over it, in fact, my 2nd husband bought a Lucy necklace pendant back in 76 for christmas, because I was a full blown fuss budget… Not ANYMORE!!!!!!!!

That trauma of that court clerk screaming at me was my last hurdle from decades of abuse…

Once I was able to take hold of that moment and own it…

I ate more of my special dinner and I am still full this morning…!!!

SO TAKE THAT PTSD!!!!!!!!

Since I have no degree in psychology, it will take me a while to understand how I finally overcame decades of knee jerk moments… It is refreshing and even Homer knows things have changed after 32 years together…

I’m not perfect by any means… But I believe we as humans, have more control over our emotions and thought process than we give ourselves credit for and that’s why so many turn to a god to make their decisions for them…

I would rather stand on my own real two feet than believe in a ideology because I can’t make decisions or control myself!!!!!

Journey out of PTSD, for me, is taking me back to that little shy girl, who only wanted to be smart and do good… Instead, I got to journey through christians HELL!!!!!!!

Last night, I crawled in bed and never thought twice about that email and I got up this morning in the same frame of mind and I didn’t think about it, till I remembered, we have a road trip and it will be later today or Monday, before I resolve that email and I was okay with that…

I have waited since I was a child for this calmness to come back into my life… Domestic violence put me in a flight or fight status for over 70 years… It will be nice to live the next 30 or 50… Without it…

I remember…

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