The rain started early and the flooding was quick to follow and the pups have been in and out playing in it… Now when things start to float by, well then I might get concerned… but this isn’t new… It just takes a little time for the excess to drain off and things are back to normal…

That’s how it’s going here…

When I started the blog in 2017, after the memory trigger and I let my mother know I remembered and I tried to get a sister to own her part, before it was too late… to no avail…

Just as I wait for our builder next door to do the dredging that he needs to do, so the property drains off quicker and we quit drowning our newly planted trees…

Waiting on other people in your life to do anything for you, be it advice on this site or advice on social media or private advice… Figuring it out yourself is more rewarding and will teach you, not direct you…

I no longer have any thoughts or expectations or anything with the family… They chose greed and hate over humanity and I am kind a over that childish behavior… It is so christian…

I said a few times, it wouldn’t be over till she was gone and then I let myself get drawn in one more time and now, it is over… Except for the judge making it a legal order, which, if you read the old blog, was my whole intent… Make the estate mess legal and not under the table, regardless if I get any or not…

It was never about the estate!!! It was about christians cheating, lying and stealing and abusing…

The rose colored lens I wore for so long have melted away to the reality of black and white…

You can’t white wash christian abuse or criminality… at death, they find nothing and that you can bank on…

So I am at a cross roads on how I want to proceed…

I have tried sitting here and writing for a length of time and find, my brain and focus are not the same… Homer gives me the time, but life around me doesn’t always cooperate… and my biggest hurdle…

Keeping my train of thought and not watching it take off and leave me running after the caboose!!! Very frustrating!!!

So I practice, read and reread and haven’t the courage yet to throw it out there for anyone to read or review… I am working on that…

So as the flooding outside happens, the flooding of emotions is long gone and all that’s left… a hollow feeling, where family should be, but never was…

No, like I always told Homer from the day we got married…

The only time I hear from my birth family???

When they need something and that usually is my knowledge to get them out of a jam… yea… even in death… it got used by my siblings to take down the half sister who did what she did, because no one stopped her and now they want me to make her pay for it… yea, christians are very warped humans…

Anyway… the depression is passing, though this amount of rain can dampen anyone’s senses… I think I will go watch it rain for a while…

I remember…

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