IF you, like me, went through this much brain trauma and you knew from a young age, something wasn’t right… All of a sudden you hope that the movie, “It’s A Wonderful Life”, or “Scrooge”, anything that would give you answer’s and you hope and you pray and then it dawn’s on you…

You been CONNED!!!

Getting the religious indoctrination out of my brain took longer than it should… I could glibly say it took less than a minute and I would be lying… To remove indoctrination, you have to rewire your thought process and that doesn’t happen over night…

But then again, I knew, when I let my son’s go to church on the bus, and they bribed them with candy… Yea, that was the end of that and I never asked if they wanted to go again and they never asked to go…

Yet, I know the year they spent with my parents, church was something they were exposed to and at that age, I doubt it had much of a impact… I say that, because of how they turned out… Religion had zero influence…

As for me… like most of the boomer’s was indoctrinated and once I started believing in science, religion was a easy thing to remove from my brain… mainly, I am not superstious… So salt over the shoulder, walk under ladders, open umbrellas inside and I own 3 black dogs… So, yea… boo….

As the dawn broke this morning, as I smoked my bowl… I realized how depressed I was… Not because of life… No life is good and not bothersome, what got me down…

Writing…

My first 39 years of life, saw more than 1 rape, more than 1 sexual assault and more than 1 memory that makes my skin crawl every time Trump or any of the predator’s appear on TV… It all reminds me…

Of being violated… So the depression sits, and it waits, because I haven’t really gotten into those years from the time I left home at 18 till I married Homer, #6…

So I sit and think, how do I want to write about sex… Rape, sexual assault and all the other ugly little details that helped me find my way back… and I don’t want to visit it… But If I don’t… How am I going to write the book…!!??

If I find it hard to revisit what happened over 50 years ago…

Imagine how hard it is for the Epstein survivors, who are a lot younger than me and those memories are so raw, you know they relive those nightmares nightly…

It all goes back to religion and the con to manipulate and own women… and women are throwing in the towel and jumping on that band wagon of disgusting perverted sick behavior…

Not sure how I want to approach the next part of this story… I gave a lot of hints… but details always give you a true insight into how predators work…

I know…

I am a survivor…

I remember…

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