The last few months has been a wealth of information coming at me from directions I least expected and some I stirred the pot on for information… Some of the tactics worked and most of all….

I know why and how I lived the “Fight or Flight”, without it being cortisol related….

Ya know, I really think neurology got it all wrong about me not remembering and whoever said it when we were at a doctor’s office, in Texas, that I wouldn’t remember anything, should surrender his degree… Seriously…

For decades I had that fight or flight going on with my body, and it was never the cortisol, because I was tested and it’s not a fun test, getting poked that many times and no intake, but water…

By 2013, I knew, what ever was happening to my body, was probably happening to my brain and oh boy has it been a roller coaster ride of discovery…

I never understood the fight or flight and I may never fully gain the understanding of when it exactly started… But it wasn’t before I went in the military or stood up to my abusers… So what happened???

Pancreas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When I go back over the last 67 years, it’s all there… Every symptom, right after the beating… Throwing up my guts, dizzy, double vision, digestive issues, need I go on???

Now how do I know this???

Because I had no problem standing up to my abusers, or my rapist or my ex boss’s or commander’s or ex husband’s or drawing a line in the sand with our kids, grankids or anyone…

Fear is not my problem… Knowing when to not say something, can be….

As I review all the tests that were done that would explain why I have had these symptoms since the TV interview beating… partially right….

I have IBS and have had it since the beating at 5… Eating and swallowing, digesting food, keeping it down, dizzy without skates, lack of appetite, double vision, headaches (5 year old with headaches)!! Then you throw in the spinal cord injury, the blunt force trauma fractures, the nerve and muscle damage, internal injuries and brain trauma and when you connect all the dots….

FREDA Bagwell was the person who brutalized a 5 year old with a little help, from her helper…

Anyway the reason I sat down… No matter how hard I do my workout, which I just did, I can’t get my heart rate up to what it was during the “Fight or Flight” moments… My exercise heart rate barely gets to 90… My “Fight or Flight” heart rate goes over a 100 and it was all in my brain… Every time it happened, it was all me controlling what I couldn’t remember…

This explains why a 2 pack a day, 30 year smoker has the heart of a 50 year old and I am 72… My Echo has been a steady 55, since the first test in my early 50’s…

Now the caveate… It still happens, but it’s not because I have no control… I have control of when it happens… I didn’t for 65 years and between you and me… Seriously, some people should never reproduce and Freda and Don Bagwell were two of those morons…

If nothing else, I have a healthy heart because of the abuse… and a whole lot more complete picture of who did what and when…

The brain fog I have had since the surgery in El Paso, probably all pancreas related… I know since 2013 something was off, but it got real bad this time and if I am right about the pancreas, because of the CT scan… It sure explains decades of misery…

It also speaks volumes to the lousy care Americans get… The NP asked why no one had monitored my scans and I looked at him and laughed… “Veterans don’t get health care, we get death care”, and that’s a fact… But he ordered the tests and consult, he listened….

Staying put in one place will help with all this… My moving around the world and not staying anyplace long enough to put down roots, well, Homer’s condition changed all that… So, I should get okay care if it’s consistent…

I remember…

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