Died Twice!! So!! Do I Get To Own My Life Now???

Am I getting any closer to remembering specific details about my near deaths???

I mean for real, people out there say they had near deaths, but they heard song, saw a god and family and I am thinking!!!!

WHAT A LOAD OF BULLSHIT TO GET ON NATIONAL TV AND BECOME A INFLUENCER!!!!!

My near deaths were nothing like what many say they experienced and that tells me, they didn’t die… They were between life and death… I wasn’t so lucky and how do I know that with Amnesia on the brain???

I remember!!!!

When the boob incident happened at Montgomery, Alabama… I remember the brother and sister on the top bunk, curtains up and the rest of us outside laughing our butts off…

We were kids and we were kids of the 50’s and our parents never talked about anything to do with our anatomy…

They were christians… (In fact at 17, I found a brouchure on my bed on Okinawa that talked about reproduction, by this time I had been raped more than once, been on birth control and knew exactly what sex was, learning the hard way through rape)…

Now when Freda realized what we did, instead of talking to us… and explaining the facts of life to a 5, 8 and 11 year old… She proceeded to brain wash the 5 year old and I lost a sister that day forever and that was the beginning of the end of my brother’s life, because of the same lies Freda told about him, over this one childish incident…

I remember being dragged in the house, beaten from one end of that trailer to the other and I remember my sister strangling me till I was out… gone… DEAD!!!!

The next thing I know, I feel my head being knocked back and forth as Freda slaps my brain back into action and I breathe… (Esophagittis was born that day and to this day, 64 years later, I choke on medications, food and liquids and have ended up in the ER because of it)…

***I am covered in bruises from my head to my feet and look at my neck at the hand marks, not adult are they!!!***

The next near death jumps from Alabama to Texas and Freda gave birth to the kid she got pregnant with when Don was in Vietnam and if you read the early blog about Big Springs, Texas… No need to go there here…

That near death involved cops, Air Force cover up and religion… Yea coverup… Those files are sealed and I have tried more than once to get access… Air Force isn’t going to open those files unless I get a court order and that’s a lot of money, for evidence my body carries daily… So, why bother…

Both deaths means I made zero memories while I was gone… I saw nothing, I heard nothing, I remembered nothing…. During those few moments when life left my body…

Not even a few months into being 13 years old and I knew the people I was living with were crazier than a frog jumping in a hot skillet dancing to keep from being cooked alive… (Oh this book is going to expose so much dirt about the Bagwell’s, yea I am grinning)…

Don’t know why this topic popped into my head… My dreams the last couple nights have been weird and it is very much like my brain is pulling something out of the abyss of my injured brain to remind me of what once was…

All of this is an adjustment… I have lived in darkness since that stroke on Japan at 14 years old, trying to remember the specifics about certain events and it feels like I may be getting that view, if not the whole picture, then filling in a gap in the memory that I was able to hold onto when the bleed on the brain happened at 14 and 17…

Enough with the melancholy….

Homer is doing okay… We have good days and we have bad days… But we are holding steady at this stage of dementia and that’s what neuro will hear if nothing changes between now and February… But never say never with this disease… Homer’s attitude is key in keeping him in the here and now…

The puppies are thriving and learning… No complaints, except money would be nice with the costs climbing so high… So home we stay and bored we get… But we can’t afford to do anything more than live right now…

Have a wonderful day… Ours are still hot and muggy…

I remember…