I have tried over the last several weeks… I have tried to figure out Freda’s agenda and when I look at the psychology side of it, I am not to sure she had one… At least not in the sense of retribution, but she was mentally ill and I can’t dismiss some of the things she did that left me wondering…

When I stood in front of the door at Mather AFB housing and Freda tells me… “You shouldn’t have done that”…circa 1975…

That triggered the memory of Okinawa and the last blow to my head by Don… and she said those exact words to Don… “You shouldn’t have done that”…. circa 1971…

Freda was a con, pure and simple and so many of the family are the same…

They say they are children of a god and that screams mental illness to the hills and back and Freda, wanted guilt to play a part in her little coverup that would eventually cost my older half brother his life…

I go back over the actions of my siblings and to be honest, they were playing her game and thought they were steps ahead of her and instead… Just like Trump, follower’s are never to bright, regardless of your education… They followed someone, instead of being an individual… Follow the leader never bodes well for the followers…

What I see, when I sit and look at the past and it has been interesting, not so much as any new memory, but the old ones play out in more detail and that says, my memory ability is there, but why does it hiccup???

I figured everything out… My brain injuries, my physical body injuries internally and externally and I figured out the mental health side of it and all I did???

Was observe everyone else and never let them know I was missing memory until that morning in Fredas kitchen and I told her in 2010, the last time I ever saw her…

Yea, this journey out of darkness is never going to be complete…

After 58 years and not getting those specific memories back, tell me, the neurologist was right and my wishful thinking, is just that, wishfull….

It was near the holidays when I lost those memories to a stroke… It was cold in that Japanese housing and I remember the kindness of the lady across the street… She had me come over and dressed me up in a Kimono and I used to have a picture, but the #5 ex took it… She heard my screams when Don beat me… She was very kind…

Melancholy and wondering why I can’t get motivated to write, are all part of the process and as it works it way through all those decades… Will I have a need to write…

My world is changing, not only in my mental health, but with Homer’s dementia… and because of that….

I take each day, one at a time, and I live for that day… because I never know, when one of us won’t wake up…

I remember….

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