I have said for many years if not decades, “You can’t miss what you never had”, but it doesn’t mean you can’t long for something you think you are missing out on and there in lies the trap…

When the Arkansas VA shrink said I had clinical depression, he couldn’t tell me why I had depression, but only that I had it and I thought, how can I be depressed and not know it??? Circa 2004….

By the time we moved to Hawaii in 2016… I was getting close to breaking through on this amnesia I had been living for decades and when it happened, I noticed a change…

A very slow and gradual change started after the memory trigger Nov 7, 2017… See early blog writing…

9 years later and it’s a whole new world for me and one I find fascinating and filled with a lot of hope, that I have a very long life, there is so much catching up and learning for me to do… Why???

The horror I walked with since being born died, the way it should have died… With the death of the abusers… Yet one still remains… actually a few still remain… (seriously thinking of joining face book, they cheated me out of the inheritance, they raped my kid, they stole from me and most of all… they sold their souls for a few grand)… yea christians are A typical kind of hate and greed…

As for the depression… I keep looking for it, I keep waiting for it to drag me down and nada… Not even my monthly hormone cycle that is still happening could do me under… In fact, it felt like I was mildly down, but it really didn’t slow me down, like it used too for a couple days… It is changing…

I contribute that to the estate being done, the truth about my birth family coming to light, but I had a good idea of that when Don died in 2006 and then I go an get a surgery at El Paso VA and they screw my healing brain up and here we are 20 years later… Fog free… Finally!!!

The depression has been with me since Freda hurt my spinal cord at 1 years old… so after 71 years of living with it… Poof, gone… Stunned, totally!!!

Maybe that is why I haven’t got much to write about and why I find myself more absorbed with the book and working it out… I have been waiting for this…

Now I gotta do something with it… Write…

I remember…

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issues with loading this via the ipad after a update this morning may make for a wonky site… can’t upload on the pc either… Someone is having fun… once the Iphone goes down, I am dead in the water…