A Drum… Ever play riddles??? I am so so at them, but that line from Scrooge is one that stuck for some reason… Why..??

Because today I feel wound up tight as a drum…

Last night was not a comfortable night… The left leg let me know the nerve damage was hot and in overdrive, and the right leg, decided my workout irritated the nerves in that leg…

Between tylenol, NSAIDs and flexaril… I finally got to sleep at midnight and woke to Dewbey playing with his squeaky ball… a little over 5 hours sleep and it wasn’t from lack of trying…

No my brain went into overdrive over the appointments this morning at the Biloxi VA and even though, I have control over my PTSD, my brain has control over the anxiety that started mounting last night and it definitely screwed with my rest and I woke up cranky… as the puppies found out…

PTSD associated with poor VA health care, isn’t something I wish on anyone, but I can’t afford $500 for a dental cleaning and checkup with x-rays… I don’t have it, thanks to the truck needing $7000 in maintenance and a couple repairs…

Repairs are under 2K, the rest, required maintenance for that Hemi engine, which costs more than new cars cost all together… Not a engine I can ever afford to replace, so, broke I am till it is all done before the end of the year…

So, I have no choice but go to the VA and use the dental clinic…

My stress level isn’t high, but I feel anxious and that is something I want complete control over and that will play out this morning…

After the VA, we are heading to Keesler AFB to hit the commissary and pick up stuff I know that is dirt cheap compared to Walmart, like dog food, or dry goods and once in a while, they have a clearance freezer of beef and I am hitting that too, but I am limited to $200…

The rest of the money in the bank goes to the repair on the 31st for the last repair on the truck… Then I schedule the maintenance over the next several paydays… Coming up with $1300 on short notice and not touch any savings, just means, we don’t go anyplace or buy anything but needed… and it will be that way till the last appt 1st of Nov on the truck…

Anxious, I was, nervous, not at all…

I know I won’t be hurt, abused or anything else when I go to the VA, but that doesn’t stop the memories of abuse that I did enure at health care professionals hands… and there was a lot of malpractice in the VA dental clinic… Enough said!!!

Have a wonderful day, I have a breakfast to get down so that I don’t rip anyone a new asshole and hope, that I don’t have a BP of 200/100 this time around… because if it sky rockets again for no other reason than past trauma, they will have to refer me to a private dentist and I stay away from the VA and base… and live my life…

It would be nice to tolerate this, but I have to be realistic, I have been through so much trauma, I am not willing to put myself in those situations again, just to save money, but this time it is so necessary… I need to beat this and overcome this last hurdle…

I remember…

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