Married March 1954 and I was born in August a few months later and that seemed to be a pattern that wouldn’t stop until she couldn’t reproduce anymore…

Already a mother at 16, to find out she was pregnant again and not married, back in the day, didn’t have any more impact then, than it does now…

All about choices and not public opinion…

I spent the morning digging through photos I made scans of back in Mena in 2004… I am looking for one in paticular and I may or may not find it…

Coming across pictures like this show that I was fine, until she touched me…

As I look at my toddler years, every picture has the look of puzzlement, as in Why???

Why are you screaming, why are you hitting, why are you my mother???

I can tell you that the only memory I have, is the hair brush attack and that left me with a central spinal cord injury and lower back nerve damage I live with to this day 71 years later…

It will be fun going through these old photos, when I have time… I know some memory will pop up, but not what I am looking for…

Freda was the most violent woman I have ever known and it made me the most defensive aggressive woman you will ever meet…

Homer will attest, I have no problem standing up to anyone and had the Lieutant from the Las Cruces police department at my door, wanting to know why I did what I did…

I told him, “I respect my fear, I acknowledge it, I don’t let it control my narrative and fear is not one I back away from”… and that attitude has kept me alive this long…

If I am wrong, I own it… and that’s probably why I have the life I have…

I don’t fear and that made it so hard to deal with the fight or flight mechanism that had been going on for decades… and when that wall went down this year, it’s like… Don’t get in my way… I have a lot to accomplish in a short amount of time…

I am 72 you know…

I remember…

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