Every break a finger or arm or leg or hip or collar bone or any body part??? And you learned quickly how to adapt to your injury??!!!

Now imagine you are 5 or 6 years old, and your fingers are broken and your arms are fractured and your legs are fractured and your spine is damaged and your nerves and muscle are damaged and you got zero health care, in fact, you got hit again upon those injuries!!!

When they started doing the nuclear bone scans on me when I was active duty, first thing the flight surgeon asked me, have you ever been in a bad accindent or beaten???

I called my mother immediately and she said, “no you had normal childhood things”…

Well, by 2019, we knew everything Freda ever said was a lie and bold face in your face lie… She put my life at risk, from the time I was born until I got my last answers in 2025… She put my life at risk!!!

Because I had no memory of the injuries or why I hurt or why I had weakness or why I had migraines or why I had IBS or why I had mass adhesions at 18???

The Air Force tried, for the longest time I thought they really screwed me over, but when I go back and look at the thousands of pages of records… They really really tried to help me and I was supposed to meet a medical board a year after my reenlistment… Instead, covering up the rape and attempted murder on Vance AFB was more important and the Air Force put my life at risk and it is documented if I ever wanted to file a Torte claim… It is well documented… (I hate court)…

From the time I could remember, I have always been active and I did everything I could to stay out of that house when I was a kid, be it go to the base and spend the day at the pool, and I mean all day every day till school started… Anything to stay away from Freda and my sister!!!!

By the time 2025 rolled around, I had done many things to myself to compensate for the unknown… and since last summer, I have fought my body to correct all the things I did to compensate for the non stop pain, the non stop fatigue and the non stop fog…

Fog is gone, fatigue, dependent on the night… but the pain… Oui Vay, have I gone through a bit of NSAIDS and extra strength tylenol… I have T3’s… had them for over a year, never touched them… Not interested (I keep forgetting to turn in when they do that collection of meds)…

What I am trying to do now. Teach my spine how to be stronger and that takes actual exercises, so pushing myself to get them in at least ever other day… Get on the elliptical daily, do the straps in the garage to build upper and lower muscle that is damamged and doesn’t like my workouts…

Making myself tilt my pelvis so that it puts some pressure on those nerves, but it is taking pressure off all the other nerves and finding that sweet spot, no numbness down my legs, no pain in my thighs and I grow tired rapidly as I try to maintain that posture… So I work at it for longer periods to build stamina…

I have no choice but to do these things, because if I don’t… A wheel chair has my name on it…

The doctor who did the nerve tests on my legs, turned that machine to max and got zero response from either leg, she then proceeded to check my arms, even though those weren’t on the order and she looked at me and said…

“You shouldn’t be able to walk”…

That is knowledge I have always known, I just didn’t know why and when I broke my foot in June of 24, it was because I couldn’t feel my legs as they gave out on the stairs…

It’s taken me a long time to get to this point and every ache, every knotted muscle, every joint or bone that lets me know it is weak… Everything, is because of domestic violence… Everything… big time sigh………………………………………………………………….

I am working with it and against it and I will continue to do so, because I have no one but me to take on the next chapter that is playing out in my home…

Day is up, caught 2 baby frogs in the window, they slide between screen and glass… Rain dumped on us last night, but it did drain off, thankfully…. But tomorrow and Wednesday could cause some flooding… I love living here, but I need a boat or gills…

Have a wonderful day…

I remember…

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