This is about the journey of dementia and the hardest part of that journey, isn’t mine as a care giver, it is Homer’s and it was made harder by denial….

Homer left me back in 07 I think and turned around and came back… and I told him… just the other night… If I knew then what I know now… I wouldn’t have stopped you… or let you come back…

Yea the look on his face was crushing, but the reality… He finally admitted he felt the symptoms of dementia for at least the last 10 years… Yep, I could have strangled him… But, would it have made a difference???

All the tests he went through, the sleep study… No sign of any sleep disturbance… The multiple DNA tests and he has zero markers for the disease called Alzheimers… Pyschological testing and I don’t mean the fake junk Trump spouts, I mean a full blown tests… Nothing found and that was 2017 or 2018…

If I had left him, he wouldn’t be alive and we both know that… None of his doctors caught his heart failure, I did… the cardiologist kept asking me how I knew, when outwardly he was fine, but internally he had 100% blockage in one vessel and 75% blockage in the other two vessels going to his heart…

I never could give her the answer she wanted… I knew Homer… Enough said…

Because in 2014 when I told his specialist heart doc that, I knew he also had dementia and had it for decades because everything I saw in 1994 when we married, I see today, but on steroids… EVERYTHING I SAW 32 YEARS AGO!!!

When Homer admitted he knew he had this disease but never came clean to me or the doctors all I could think… Drawn and quartered, hung from the rafters… take the truck and chase him… and after that passed I said… You know how lucky you are, and he grinned, yea…

I never could prove to anyone he saw in health care, that he had dementia in his 40’s, let alone 30’s… But I have no doubt that he has had it since the auto accident that broke his neck and caused a brain injury… His mom, she called him her special child and that was as an adult… That was 2002… I never forgot that…

If you are living with a loved one and you think you see the signs of neurological disease… Hang tough… Document or make sure you can remember it all… Science will catch up with those of us, who watch the disease in action and how it changes the brain, isn’t what the text books say…

It’s what I see day to day for the last 32 years… Homer knows I am not going any place… But getting him to own that he knew… That’s a glimmer of hope that some of that critical thinking and self awareness is still there and that means possible growth…

I always have hope when it comes to him… but there are days… I am looking for a shovel…

Have a awesome day, one more bigot died and Mitch and Lindsey speed off to that hell they created…

I remember…

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