Time stood still from that moment on…

I didn’t know the day, I didn’t know the year, I didn’t know the season… I walked in shadow….

As the cloud of what had happened faded away… We were living in base housing on Johnson AFB and I had no memory of the move out of the rice patties as we called them…

I had ghosts of memories that danced in my head at night, sometimes reaching into the depths of my brain, screaming at me, telling me, “KNOW ME”!!!

I was in chaos…

I sat at the desk in study hall and found myself sound asleep unable to move… Sleep paralysis and I came to fear it with everything I was and I would fight to stay awake, even though my brain wanted rest…

They treated me differently in school during that time, I have no memory of class or how I passed or skipped a grade…

I walked in shadow…

The mantra dancing in my brain as I waited for the chaos to stop… It would be 50 years later…

The night was filled with the song of my mantra…

Hairbrush…

TV interview…

Boobs…

New born baby…

Japan….

How little did I know, by telling myself not to forget those memories as the stroke hit… became PTSD on steroids and the Air Force called it a personality disorder??? Men like Hegseth served and still do…

How the stroke hit was classic… TBI on board, what could go wrong??? 20+ concussions, naw it won’t be bad???

Don gets home, Freda orders him to beat me, he takes off his 2inch wide belt, grabs my left arm and proceeds to hit a 100 pound girl with the force of a 250 pound 6’4″ cowardly man… and out of the corner of my eye, dear old sis is grinning and I screamed for all I was and “no one came”…

Cowards, including the preacher in the house next to that rice patty home…

As Don released me, I stumbled for the bedroom and as I stood by that bed looking at the preachers house, I said the mantra…

NEVER FORGET THESE; you will lose your photo graphic ability with this stroke, remember these, never forget and I repeated that over and over and over… until I was gone…

It was warm when this happened, it was cold when my brain started waking up and making memories… The few things I remember after the stroke hit, they go in the book… Sister knows these and calling her out for her cowardice has been decades in the making…

MRI in 2018 proved the PTSD nightmare… The TBI and the bleed(s) are in plain view…

I remember…

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