I give up… Sincerely and respectfully give up!!!!!

Let me ask you???

You do everything right and you stick to it and you know you are on the right track and everything goes tits up the minute you crawl in bed!!!!

I was kidding on line, being sarcastic about followers who jump on board to follow you then they dump you just so your follow gives them numbers…

I take exception to that behavior, it is sooooooooo christian….

Once someone unfollows me, but doesn’t block me, I mute and I don’t usually follow back, if they come sniffing around again…

I ain’t christian and I ain’t a moron and I ain’t into mind games…

I lived those for 72 years with my birth family and they tried hard to carry those games all the way into the master minds death and it backfired on them spectacullary…

Now, really, why the write???

Last night was one of those nights from hell… I am not exhausted per say, but that will be decided later if my body demands a nap… but… I doubt it will because???

I am sticking to the low fat, low sugar diet and I am not cheating, yet last night, you would have thought I did and I did take a NSAID before dinner because my TMJ hurt and I was hungry and that NSAID should have given me some mild relief from pain through the night and that was anything but what happened…

I can tell the difference when it is gastro issues, like last night was a diet rich in fiber and I didn’t exceed my fat intake and I used ingredients that were low fat, except the salad dressing… We are using everything up, before I replace products and it was almost done, could that little amount caused my night???

I doubt it… I had no up and down with sugar or the pancreas kicking in letting me know it was working to hard and as I think about last night, the pain in my back, it’s still there and that tells me…

DIGESTION issues and the pancreas couldn’t produce the digestive enzyme and I paid for it “ALL NIGHT LONG”…. yea that song!!!

So, even thought I ate the right foods and reduced the fat to super low amounts… If I am right, because I don’t produce the enzyme to break down my foods properly, what happened this morning will become the norm and that is why I was always so skinny…

EPI deficient and I am beginning to believe we finally have 65 years of digestive issues, figured out…

It won’t matter how much I stick to the pancreas diet, if I can’t break the foods down, they will go through my body in less than 12 hours and oh boy that explains why I had anemia, malnutrition, etc, etc, etc…. I wasn’t denied food as a kid, I couldn’t digest it!!!! nor can I do it properly now…

I am back to the way things were when I was a teenager and I never had IBS d-C-…. I always had IBS-C-D-U…. and U is where I have been for several days and I am not taking anything to help my bowels in anyway…

My pancreas isn’t getting the nutrition out of the foods I eat and it does explain why all my life, I have been up and down on my weight when the pancreas isn’t in flare up mode… and I can remember in 72 years of life gaining weight, the 80’s for a short time, again in 2003, when we moved near my family and again in 25, when Freda died, I gained weight because I found out my brother died too…

3 distinct times in my life where I gained up to 190 pounds and then dropped them so fast, it made the doctor’s head spin and no one ever tested my pancreas…

Seriously Veterans health care is personified death care and it will never be decent health care, because if America supported Veterans, we wouldn’t be living in poverty or at least the majority of veterans do live below standard…

So my night last night… after a dinner of mixed beans, lean roast, everything I was supposed to eat to keep from causing a flare up and instead… The flare up has never gone away and I know that, because of the pain in my back and if I lay down, yep, that pain gets a whole lot worse and last night, it didn’t want my body in a bed, it wanted it sitting up and taking pressure off the pancreas… and the longer I am out of bed, the better it feels…

My whole life, from birth till now 72 years later has been under government health care and if my story doesn’t freak you out on how bad that supposed care is, then, well, you aren’t reading and are living in Trumps idea of reality and not the real world…

I have saved numerous lives in my lifetime, by the gift of what I have… Homer’s included and in fact, if it wasn’t for me, Homer would have died back in 2014, as not one of his many doctors caught the fact he was in full heart failure, but I caught it… and I caught my health issues and many other’s… those that listened are still alive, I can name a dozen that ignored me and died within 2 years of my warnings… A gift is a gift and evolution gave me a gift…

Tonight we are supposed to repeat last nights dinner… One exception… I won’t be eating it… Even though it was 100% correct, with the deficient ability to break down foods into what they need to be, my body dumped everything I ate within 12 hours and I will feel very hungry here soon and I’ll eat my apple and crackers and I won’t feel hungry again likely till tomorrow, yep I can survive on a apple a day and handful of crackers and not want anything else, why???

INSTANT FULLNESS!!!!

It is a symptom of a inflamed pancreas and I put one bite in my mouth and I feel instantly full and it will take me a hour to eat a apple that I sliced up, because I have to fight to get the food to go down, because of the inflammation of my pancreas and that’s why it is hurting me at this very moment…

My coffee and sugar triggered it OR it never has calmed down, I am betting it is one angry pancreas…

My staying skinny was never by choice and I have never in my lifetime done a diet to loose weight… It’s always been about what I can eat and not eat without being bent over the throne… I have lived this since the TV interview beating at 5 years old…

SO FRUSTRATED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I’ll give the VA till the end of the month to set up the MRI in a open MRI for the Fiesta of the brain and MRI of the pancreas… Then I am requesting we use my medicare and I pay the several hundred dollars difference that medicare doesn’t pay…

I wait on the VA, I’ll be 6 feet under and Homer will be a millionaire from a wrongful death lawsuit… I want them to be a statistic, not me!!!

I mean for real, how much longer can my brain keep my body alive, before they succeed in silencing me???

Yea, I know lots about lots and some of them out there, in high positions, they would just as soon, I didn’t see tomorrow…

I have had some interesting government jobs since 1971…

Well my coffee is cold, the pups are tooo quiet and I want to smoke a bowel for the burning I feel, but know, I can’t have pot or NSAIDS until the Fiesta MRI proves I don’t have a fistula, but I bet I do, I have had the symptoms now for over a decade and they match the symptoms I had at 14, before the beating on Japan when the thunderclap happened after the beating and I collasped!!!

Did I tell you what happened after that beating on Japan and the stroke???

Don and Freda didn’t dare touch the kids again, from that point on, the violence pretty much stopped because of me and it kept the other kids from being abused and when we got sent to Okinawa and Don knocked me across the room, well, it got even crazier as he lied to get a humanitarian back to America, so they could kick me out of the house, because they feared I would tattle tale about the stroke and Don was on thin ice after Big Springs…

Oh my how corrupt christians really are… They are the rapist of the world…

That inheritance everyone got but me, was only because I kept my mouth shut… Christians are the Scrooges of life!!!

Well, I am ready for my 2nd cup of coffee and relax before my day gets busy… We are cooling down in the gulf, but no rain, so we are in a drought…

Have a wonderful day and thank you for reading…

I remember…

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