Veteran Suicide… Close the VA Death CARE!!!!

Article talks about Trumpie the bone spur queen an veteran suicide….

Want to stop veteran suicides???? CLOSE DOWN THE CORRUPT VA SYSTEM!!!

The system is so corrupt, you can’t get health care, surgeries take a decade to get, dental care is a JOKE….

Want to help veterans???? Vote THE CORRUPT GOP OUT OF OFFICE!!!


VA Death Care Hits Home….

Just got a call that my doctor is no longer authorized to order my meds from the VA….

No big deal on the pain an cholesterol drugs, those are cheap…. my other med is $450 a month…. we don’t have that kind of money….

Sure Trump an GOP care about veterans!!!! They cancel our outside care Obama got us an they cut funding an staff at the VA an then THEY EXPERIMENT ON US FOR COVID!!!!!!!!


The one drug that is so expensive, lets me breathe…. pure an simple, it keeps me alive….. an helps fight the COVID virus…

Thank you Trump an evangelicals…. you got what you wanted…. lots of dead Americans, just so you could own women’s reproductive rights……

Panicked, no… Ive been doing my deep breathing exercises an I have 6 inhalers an a refill, that the VA has to fill an by January…, I will be out an learning to breath without assistance ….

An you tell me Trump has supporters???? They must be Russians planted here during Reagan-tenure….

Something may work out, but I’m done with the VA here an everywhere …. breathing is overrated…… maybe Trumpie an his evangelicals will get a taste of that with covid…an I mean that with all I am….

Sgt USAF DAV, Keaau, Hawaii

VA Health Care, Not So Much….

This article just backs up my blog for the last couple years…. I have more rhetoric in my VA medical records than medical health information… The VA has fast become a federal good ole boys club an health care is not on the agenda…

I exposed that on FOX-news in El Paso, Spring 2016… How good a detective are you??? Can you find the news clip an my story???

But I’m not a guy trying to get appointments an gets national attention, nope…

I’m a woman who-said NO!!!!


Is it seizures????

As the thought process gets clearer… less cluttered… I’m back to researching and looking for the answers I have yet to get or figure out…

Seizures…. okay, we know I had one for sure, in 2014 on the road trip…. according to the science, strokes and brain trauma can set you up for seizures… so can having low sugar… and on that day in 2014… it was low sugar, that I’m sure of, because I grabbed a slimFast out of the ice chest when we pulled off the road and that ended coming right back up a few minutes later and the seizure happened….

I have to admit, this has me curious…. If I had seizures in my childhood, it would have to be in 1967, when I had the near death and lost 9 months of time… that doesn’t mean much, because that is the one memory that just won’t come clean… won’t let me see all of it… it was very violent… christians… shoot first, ask questions later… just like Trump just did… the man is a idiot….

Sorry I digress………………..

These other episodes I have… since I got the dentures… I’m sure it’s a cleansing of the system… the body purging everything, because of the allergy… it’s what our sinus will do, to get rid of the cold… purge them… same with the body…. what is different is the sensation I get in my brain when it happens… that is different from the body purges that happened before I got dentures…

Before the dentures… it was just cramping from the beginning of the digestive tract to the end and talk about being ready for a coloscopy withouth prep… the body does this too me, about once every few years… but………………..

Since I got the dentures 9 years ago… it’s in overdrive and a electrical thing happens and I can feel it in the brain and when the purge starts, it’s hell on earth for me…….. or at least it was….

Now when the brain sensation hits, I know what is happening… and I’ve had to adjust my diet because of the dentures….. which has helped….

Now is it possible the dentures caused the seizure in 2014, we think so… I never put them in before coffee…. I like my coffee real hot, but when traveling, I put them in and drink coffee, while driving and I think that along with the possibility I might have left some cleanser on the dentures… might have triggered the seizure…. got to ask neurology on that….

BUT….. I also know that the head trauma I suffered, can also trigger seizure and I have a bad feeling, I had them at one time… I just have no memory…. thank you christian bigots…..

I can’t complain… I have answers… not all, but most… I should get a call from Oahu this week about my dental care and if it will be done here or on Oahu…. If Oahu… hubby is going to go with me a few times an we are going to take advantage an go to the Arizona and other places….. if they do it here… I’ll be just as happy….

Now I get why this guy asked the questions he asked… because to take time to listen to me, was too time consuming… he was specific, looking for specific data and he got it… which explains why Oahu is calling me sooo soon…..

The mouth hurts… it never stops… the allergy keeps everything irritated and never lets up… according to the science, a couple of days without wearing them and the allergy should start to leave the body…. should…. I have yet to see my body do anything normal…. again, thanks christians….

We should know what the VA is going to do, this week and we can start making our plans to leave Hawaii…..

Sgt. USAF DAV I Remember… Margie… just remember… christians want control of women’s bodies in America… so I hope this war they started, like all the other wars…. was worth your son’s and daughter’s…. it’s not worth mine….

Veteran Health Records of no Value, except to a Lawyer….

This morning has been a eye opener…. I got to give it to the neurologist I see… he was partially right….

My VA health records are of no value, except for the surgical reports and test results… anything else written in them by so called technians and doctors is just 3rd party rhetoric to keep those jobs, that they swore an oath for, but have no clue how to keep….

The recent past is all back, so the neuro doc was right in that respect… which makes me wonder about my childhood…

I can go back to my military time and prove, my neck and spine were already being addressed… just no one knew I had stenosis at that time… everyone kept thinking it was all orthopedic… not neurology and that was the way it went until someone at one of the VA’s took pictures of my neck…. and I don’t remember when that was yet…. but the Osteopathic flight surgeon was doing all kinds of things to me… but not hitting the problem… they kept thinking ortho, when it was actually neuro…. thanks mommy dearest for lying to me…

My VA health care is of no value… they never got anything right…

I should have never had a breast reduction, they never checked my neck and I complained of headaches and neck pain… Seattle VA did 2 procedures on my breast, but no one addressed the issue of the neck pain… out of sighs…

My bladder, again, no one did neurology and I had a procedure in 96, 2008, 2009 and a rectocell in 2018… none, should have ever been done, without checking on my neck…. the rectocell was a by product of the bladder surgeries and child birth… so it would have happened anyway… oh well…

As for the rest… the leg, the bladder and the breast…. none of them should have been operated on… and all the symptoms were directly related to the herniated disc in C5-6 plus all the other damage in that area… which I used to know about, until the stroke on the operating table at the El Paso VA in Nov 2011…..

Childhood… some is coming back, and now that the issues with my recent past are resolved and the psychological brain mechanism is in step with me…. I have hope those memories will continue to open up…..

Frustration is a understatement… thankful for this brain… always….

Hubby is well informed and now understands what we are up against with the VA and it’s full blown negligence…. my VA records are of no value… only the surgical reports and lab tests… anything else will be nothing but employees protecting their jobs at my expense… NOT ANY MORE!!!!

Medicare will cost me, deductable went up this year and cost of living is not keeping up with the money income… but it’s better than letting the VA ever touch me again….

Sgt. USAF DAV I Remember… Margie….

Allergy Impacts the Brain…

I wrote a while back, when I started this process to figure out what was going on with me…. and one of those subjects was sweating…

Even in Hazmat suits, I barely sweat and all of a sudden in early 2011, I started sweating… even wrote about the difference in my clothes before 2011 and now….

It’s all related to the allergy I have with the denture products used for partials and dentures…

It’s what caused the seizure in 2014, because I have a habit of putting my partials in after I have coffee… the seizure happened when we were traveling from Washington to New Mexico and I had hot coffee, with my partials in, a couple times that day of long driving….

When they did the patch test in the dental office a couple weeks ago, I started to have another seizure type event, but… because I have come to recognize and fully aware of what is happening… I had more control over the brain impact from that test…. it left me drained, and sick to the tummy as well as very irritable and a burning sensation in my mouth where the disk had been placed…. that lasted for hours after it was removed…

Also, that was when the puffy behavior under my eyes started… I have a picture of me, when they made my VA ID card the year before… in Arkansas…. the next year I have dentures and the rest is history…

Funny how a upper and lower denture can cause so much health issues and you scream, beg and plead for help and all they do is say you are a hysterical patient….. NOPE….. I’m A PISSED OFF PATIENT/CONSUMER!!!

So, if… that big little word IF… when the doctor from Oahu calls, per the senators office, either I get implants or I continue to live life, knowing the very things I used to eat to stay alive are killing me with mini seizures, due to allergy….. who knew??? It has a name, stomatitis or something along that line… only read a little about the allergy, because my symptoms are to the extreme and NIH write up is so damn confusing, I was lost after the first couple of pages…. so I’m assuming all these symptoms that started after I got dentures through the VA, has been the culprit for all the health issues, related to my head…. go figure… they did say it was all in my head….. what morons and bigots….

It’s funny, I quit dreaming about the past and started dreaming about the future…. I would say, the brain has woken up…..

So…. VA made my current health issues…. and helped me solve my old health issues… sometimes you got to spank the devil and tell it thank you …..

My neuropathy is wholly impacted by my neck and every day, another memory comes forward about how long I have lived with this… and it goes back to childhood…. so the neck damage is from the domestic violence and yep, some of those memories have gotten a little clearer… what evil, christians have put upon this earth….

I wanted motivation that was worth having to make me get off my ass… my memories are reminding me of why I have always stayed active and when I quit… I paid for those times I quit and catch up is what I’m doing now….

No neck or spine surgery… said that before about my spine… no spinal taps… now I remember why…

The stenosis, is not surprising… I have compartment syndrome in my legs, thus the surgery in 2011 to fix the left leg… now it’s exercise and keep active, watch my diet and most of all…. make hubby acutely aware of the past, so that if something happens again… he can help me get back….

So Neurology here was right… it was not the TBI’s or concusions or blunt force trauma that pushed my memories away…. it was the mini strokes, and by my count I have had at least 6 in my life time that I’m aware of….and they can steal your memories, and those I may not get back….. only time will tell and who knows how long that will be????

This also goes to show that the VA is one of the most corrupt organizations out there in our federal system and it needs to be dismantled… Veterans should be allowed the same health care our dependents get under us… CHAMPVA…. just a FYI, my hubby is my dependent and he gets better health care than I do…. and I’m the veteran….

Sgt. USAF DAV I Remember… Margie… No more VA Death Care….

Post Traumatic Stress Amnesia…… what a journey…

Dogs trying to climb into my lap last night as fireworks went off around us… so glad we live on a acre…. lots of space, but still so very loud… and I went on a hunt in psychology, while my eyes were clear for reading, not like they are at this moment… like cobwebs in my line of vision…. anyhow… I read…

I read about PTSD & PTSA…. I had researched this subject after the evaluation at the El Paso VA… the evaluation said, “Above Average Intelligence and suffers from PTSD, due to her illness”….. That was back in 2011, before the stroke on the operating table in Nov 2011…. so that is important, why I remember…

I knew the illness part was wrong, because no one had gotten any of the symptoms in the right diagnosis, until we moved to Hawaii and that took up till the end of this year of 2019…..

One thing about PTSD & PTSA, is the difference…. for instance, hubby was in a bad car accident at 18, broke his neck, yada, yada, yawn…. he remembers before the accident and he remembers after the accident… but the time in between is gone, which is normal with brain injury and trauma…. and it does not bother him, that he’s missing time in his memory…

Not so with medical brain amnesia… my loss of memory, as I figure this out… is from medical reasons, due to blunt force trauma and shaken baby syndrome…. and because I have or had this HMSA Edetic memory ability, you know photographic is the layman’s term…. my missing memory is like you have a toothache and no matter what you do to stop that pain, it will take a dentist to give you relief….

That being said… if my mother and sister and brother came forward and started talking and could prove they weren’t lying…. I could scratch the itch I’ve always had, because of missing memory….

Figuring it out about El Paso and stroke on the operating table was just a matter of time… some would have said I was just paranoid… nope…

I’m just used to dealing with the worse of humanity and it’s name be christians… because I guarantee you, these employees at the VA practice religion like everyone else and just like everyone else they don’t live it and patients like me suffer, because that paycheck is more important than our lives, because their god will forgive them for killing us veterans…. and that is a fact proven under Obama and the number of directors fired….

Regardless, since hubby was able to go back in time and remember crucial conversations right after that surgery is my evidence…. sorting through all the chaos strokes cause in our brain and still function…. that will never cease to amaze me…

Anger about it would do me no good… making my doctors aware that I had a stroke as recently as 2011 and the VA covered it up… will keep me out of VA and military health care the rest of my life…. I am beginning to think, this ole cougar has 9 lives…… meow…………….

Sleep, once I accepted the path I have been walking these last 8 years under the guise of health care called VA…. the puzzle put it’s self together… and I most of all appreciate this brain I was born with and the one the christians couldn’t destroy, like they do so much of….

I’m curious to see if the PTSD/A motor mouth syndrome starts to melt away and the old calm that once resided has come back…. It’s most aggrivating, to know something happened to you and because of what went on with El Paso, to say I’m shocked would be a lie… it really is a very corrupt facility and William Beaumont is no better…. that’s a whole different story….

Taking control…. with the health care is paramount… as for the dental…. Now that I know about the allergy, I understand the symptoms I’m dealing with and the fact that the burning is directly were my surgery was done in 1971, Naha AFB, Okinawa… it’s leeching right into my sinus, maxillary and zygmoid, which explains the sudden need for eye drops in 2011, less than a year after the partials were made… it does all make sense…. that stroke in Nov 2011, just set me backwards on my journey….

As for the recent MRI of my neck, that is old news… I started having trouble with that area in the military and it’s in my military records… again, it came down to my lifestyle, constant activity, up till we moved here and things went south…. now that the body is stable, the allergy is easy to understand and recognize…. I’ve had some very interesting moments in time, where a bathroom was needed, once in a friends home… decades ago, this herniated C5-6 is old news… the stroke at El Paso VA made me lose those memories for a time….

I will never trust the VA health care system or the military….. William Beaumont made me suffer and it’s documented…. El Paso VA lied and made me suffer… Tuscon VA left a trans-mesh in me for over a year and it cost me in the court settlement against Johnson & Johnson… money I have yet to see…

No, I will never have trust for the VA or military health care…. I’m walking proof, they are in it for pay checks… not health care….

Day started in this new year… still no clue what I plan to do… right now, it’s adjusting to the knowledge of what the VA did, again and still doing… playing god… figuring out my options and work towards our leaving Hawaii and go back to area’s that give me options on my dental care, because of that uniform I wore and was raped in…… here, women have no value as veterans…. an our options are limited…. nothing new on that front…. only time will tell, what tomorrow will bring…..

If you have a hangover… lots of fluids…. lots of anything but the hair of the dog…. Happy New Year….

Sgt. USAF DAV I Remember… Margie….

Year end close out…..

Yep, it feels that way… like I’ve been on a shopping spree for the last two years and I got so much to unload from the vehicle, I’m slightly amused….. strange huh???

Hubby on his way to town, me I don’t leave the house very often, still haven’t driven my new car since eye surgery… still have vision issues, ya know, inflammtion from the allergy caused by the dentures the VA is forcing on me… implants requested in May 2018… yep, sure America cares… not in my life time….

As for the end of the year… I learned that I have some cognitive issues… I have been dealing with a imposed issue of my own making… Undoing the methods I used to survive is a lot harder than you would think… it takes time to break habits and takes less than 3 weeks to form a habit… I have decades of habits to undo…. and one of them is, dumbing myself down and that is usually a byproduct of depression… one I am well aware of and pushing back against…

I have said it before, my IQ has no value, without education… and it’s taken me a while to sort through the mess the El Paso VA created, by not reporting the stroke I had on the operating table…. there is more to this story that I have not published… I was one of the people who filed a IG complaint and the director was fired…. not to long after my surgery as a matter of fact… lots of corruption at that facility…. lots….

I wanted from the beginning to have a reason to motivate my ass off the couch and into a more active routine… something that disappeared after the leg surgery, now we know why…

The realization I had another stroke after my childhood injuries and can prove it, because of the brain scan the VA did at the Oregon VA in 2000…. how much more evidence does a lawyer need???

That other shoe I’ve been waiting for, to drop, not going to appear… the drop is no longer a option… the change is happening, and hubby and I both see it and I feel it… realization that I’m a high risk stroke person, not happy about, but, awareness, lifestyle and attitude… I should out live the generation that support evil like Trump…

I spent time looking at real estate here and the market is a buyer’s market… only time will tell if we can sell, when ready….

As for Hawaii… just wow on the changes to a place I onced loved…. now I’m just ready to go back to the mainland and let the dream of living my days out here fade away…. we just don’t know where to move too…..

Answers… I got them… Endo and Neuro will just confirm what I know… as for neck surgery… I’ll pass… I’ll do the exercises every day for the rest of my life…. but it does explain the pressure I feel on the inside as I swallow food and that could be the problem I am having with digestion… again, out of my understanding in medicine, so, doctors I will go see and get those answers from the educated ones….

No cancers, no dementia or palsy or parkinson’s or MS or anything, that could make things worse….

Knowledge… never go to a beauty salon and let them put you in that lay back mode… never do activities that put a strain on specific areas and movement… and it does explain the loss of some rotation, when I turn my head and get that pressure on my esphosagus… answers… so, make it easier to cope with what you live with… and the living, they aren’t talking… so doctors will get used to give me those answers that are left to confirm….

What have I learned through all this???

If the kids want to abuse me… they can go bye bye and if the family wants to use me, they can go bye bye….. what once was is no more… the secrets are no longer secret… the crimes are many, the justice…………………….. will be when they take that last breath… as they did to me and took my light twice… darkness and silence awaits…… and only at that moment in time, do you realize, you wasted your life on a god, because you feared, living your life…..

I fought and won on this, no matter how anyone views this journey, I won… hands down, I won….

Because I remembered Margie………………………………………


Did I spell that right???

All the chaos and confusion I have dealt with for so long, is finally gone… though when I smoke a bowl, you wouldn’t think so verbally….

What confused me the most… the stroke at El Paso VA in Nov 2011… we just took on 6 abandon 4 week old pups and were bottle feeding and training, when I had my leg surgery…

I remember the 2 men arguing and how busy the surgeon was explaining to the students what she was getting ready to do… so many things going on and her interest was the kids, not this patient…

When I got the men’s attention, I knew when the dose hit me, they gave me too much and I fought… and lost…

The next thing I remember… post-op and my fingers are blue and purple to my knuckles and my oxygen mask was literally cutting into my face… the pain, woke me from the anesthesia… which is why, when the guys here told me I wouldn’t remember post-op and I said, yes I will, and I do… all 3 surgeries in the last 18 months…

When the guy in PT at EL Paso made the comment about my leg… I never went back for more PT… I knew in that moment, El Paso VA hurt me and nearly took my life…….. sobering realization… but one you expect from a corrupt system….

After that I went rogue and used my medicare, got my check ups and all the normal maintenance stuff and quit taking all the meds, except thyroid… by now we are into 2012…

Hubby is in school, Dean’s list every time… and I’m busy with our properties… but something is off and when we walk the mile or so, twice daily with the dogs we adopted… It was noticeable and different… the way I walked…

You see, after the brain injury and near death in Texas… I had a habit of kicking the inside bone of my ankle on my right foot, with my left foot… that was 1967… fast forward to 2011 and I walk with my left foot turned out… indicative of a stroke on the right side of the body and the guy in PT… almost figured it out… and might have, If I had felt any trust for the VA system at EL Paso… which I did use… remember… I fought to get a rectocell repair done, because of the Tuscon VA leaving a trans mesh in me for a year… honestly, these people are out to exterminate veterans, not help them…

What this means, to me… when I stood in Fredas kitchen in 2010… I was remembering my childhood… it was coming back and neurology here is right… the memories are there… but the stroke on the operating table at El Paso VA in Nov 2011… set me back…. set me decades back on figuring out my past… and Freda and sister aren’t talking… so the medical records and tests have to do all the telling….

Some of these tests I have gone through recently, have been done before… Essentially they just confirm what was suspected decades ago and as recent as the last 20 years….

As for the psychology part of this journey… acceptance, knowledge, living… but not forgetting… will be my path forward…. that, an buy a garlic farm, dig a moat around it and put up no tresspassing signs against any form or hint of religion or superstition…. knock on wood…………………

The last few days have been a battle of wills in my head… what to do, going forward… I don’t have that answer…. Neurology is set up… my neck will need surgery… the test PT did, show I have lost strength on the left side and muscles I have built… but they do nothing, when a nerve is pinched… and I have enough burns on me from cooking to know I got issues… hubby backs that up….

I’ll have more control over my health care from now on… the VA will have dental involvement, but the rest of my health care… that now falls to me… and making sure hubby is well informed and he has learned….

I go back an look at my records and I gave up in frustration, because no one listened… until I got to Hawaii….

One conversation about a seizure in 2014, which had never happened before and we now know is related to my allergy to the polymers used in dentures… that one conversation…. gave me my answers and that is one doctor, a little on the strange side… but she is one I will never forget… she started the process of testing and here we are….

No clue if the VA will do implants… I’m resigned to prepare this house for sale and be ready to move to some place else by the sping of 2021 and on to the next adventure….

For me, it’s about doing what I need for my quality of life… and just live it, with the only unknown left to me….

What tomorrow will bring….

Sgt. USAF DAV I Remember… Margie….