He wanted Revenge… 11/5/2017 Sutherland Springs, Texas

He was angry… Angry that his wife turned him in… Angry that he got kicked out of the Air Force with a dis-honorable… Angry with people that he felt were against him, including children… The young man was an angry person in mind, heart and soul… He made a choice, a choice that changed my life forever…. and took the lives of 26 innocents at a small church in Texas…

How did this happen, why did it happen and who is responsible… Those questions will never be answered…. I know for a fact, we will never get the answers and we will have to accept what happened…

You ask how I can say this… Because on a hot night in Big Springs, Texas in 1967 … A 13-year-old died at the hands of her mother and father… He was in the Air Force, the mother was a stay at home mom and both swore they were christians….

A baby had just been born, that was not of my dad’s blood… He knew he had been betrayed while he was in Vietnam… This man, whose own life was torture for him, because he could not control the adult in him… He could not follow the laws of his man-made religion and he could not accept that his wife cheated on him… How he handled that seed of hate in his soul, is what took the life of Margie at 13… All because of mental illness…

I have to accept that what my parents did is in their DNA and they CHOSE to act on it, instead of seeking legitimate help with psychiatry, instead they turned to man-made religion, pushed by people who had their own agenda… An agenda based on ignorance and fantasy… An ignorance that has cost millions of lives, as all wars, lead back to religious rhetoric….

As long as people chose to turn their back on the mentally ill, their will be more lives lost… As long as people do not accept that religion is a DNA imprint that they can make an intelligent choice about… Their will be more deaths, their will be more lives lost…

Just because you believe in religion and you honestly believe there is no alternative to your way of thinking… So is it for the LGBT community…. It is in their DNA, just as is your religion…

Life is always about choice… Your DNA is just the beginning of your choices… Be it religion or be it LGBT… You are hard-wired…. I can no more expect you to give up your man-made religion, than I can expect a LGBT person to become straight… It’s in your DNA….

It’s what you do with those choices, shows the kind of human you really are…. Judging others should never be among the choices… You do not have a right… No one does… Including me… You either accept people or you keep them out of your life… It is after all about choices…

All any of us can really do, is be honest, sincere and free to live our lives the way we want… Your choices are not mine and mine are not yours…

It’s what we do with our lives and how we impact others… knowing for every choice we make, it impacts more than just ourselves… It is learning to live with those choices that will make or break you…

My birth family chose man-made religion over me… That is their choice, that is their right… My birth family chose to lie for decades, and not just my parents, but aunts, uncles, grandmother and siblings… All because they chose to hide behind man-made religion and in all reality, they were cowards… They never owned their lives… They wasted their time on earth… They tried to deny life to Margie…

That young man killed 26 people, because he chose to act on his hate… He chose to act on his mental illness and in the end, took his own life, because of cowardess… My birth family did the same…

The Air Force covered up records, denied facts and put lives at risk in 2017…

Mine was no different in 1967… or my children on Vance AFB 1981….

#TimesUp #MeToo

I Remember….. Margie, SGT USAF DAV

 

Dependent gets CT before Vet gets MRI…

Hubby and I had a bet going and we both knew I would win… His doctor he saw a week ago wants a CT of his blood clot…

My doctor called 3 weeks ago and the Neuro wants a MRI of my brain… 

Well the hospital just called and hubby gets his appointment before this veteran gets hers… and guess what, hubby is my dependent…

Before Trump took office, I could expect a prompt and quick time frame for any tests or doctors appointment… Since Trump and the corrupt GOP took over, I wait over 45 days for tests and over 3 months for appointments…

Yea, Sure veterans support this bastard… ooops sorry, president…. NOT!!!

Anyway… 3 weeks and counting for MRI and I asked for dental surgery in May and not one word… 100% service connected disabled veteran… Priority 1… more like an old fashion 69 if you ask me…

So proud I wore that uniform so I could be treated like a foreign citizen… oh wait, isn’t that what Mrs. Trump used to be and she got prompt care and hospital stay after a minor procedure and I had to get on a plane 6 hours after major surgery in Feb of this year!!!

Yep, vets support this administration in the twilight zone…

Rant over…

TimesUp #MeToo WhyIDidntTell

I Remember… Margie…

When people doubt your memory loss or TBI…

I have learned on this journey to remember my past, that not everyone, even those that say they know you will believe you lost a part of you…

Recently a friend that says they know me as far back as Japan in the late 60’s, reached out to me on Face Book via friend request a couple of years ago…  I had no clue who they were, except, for one thing… I had a picture of that person in my photo album, that had their maiden name written on it… That was the only reason I accepted the friend request…

I still have zero memories of this person and our time spent together on Japan as teenagers…

Recently this friend asked how I knew I had a TBI, did a doctor tell me, that kind of questioning… 

This immediately told me that maybe they had not been reading my blog OR they did not understand what I had written in the blog…

Those of us who have suffered a TBI and lost a part of themselves, deal with this kind of skepticism all the time…

It would be like me saying I understand what people with cancer go through, when I have never had cancer… It is in-appropriate to say you understand what someone is dealing with when it comes to life and death situations, if you never experienced it…

I was greatly irritated by this friends question of doubt about my TBIs, so I chose to respond and tell the friend the facts… I have no memories of our friendship or time spent together on Japan at Johnson AFB…

If you are a combat veteran or you had a traumatic accident or a victim of domestic violence and suffered a TBI and lost a part of yourself… DO NOT LET THESE PEOPLE influence your journey and progress… Doubters are every where, even in your own families…

No one will understand what kind of hell you are living, with a part of you gone… Losing some or all of your memories, is no different from losing a limb… The limb will still itch, even if it no longer is part of you… So goes the same for brain injury and memory loss…

Do not allow anyone, not family, not friends, not anyone to discourage you from your journey to find answers…

Just be willing to accept, if that time comes… You may never get your answers, and just like losing a limb, you may have to accept the memories you are searching for may be gone forever also…

It’s ironic, this person is religious and believes in a man-made god… I am a living, breathing, heart beating human that is living and walking, yet I am doubted…

I have a saying, but It doesn’t seem appropriate… I can only hope that those who believe in man-made gods, learn to believe in real, living human beings…

There is hope, that those of us with TBI’s and lost memory, will be whole some day… that is what I cling too… Hope… and not some made up deity…

As Stephen Hawking says, look up at the stars and not down at your feet…

Times Up #MeToo

I Remember….

 

Brain Hiccup…

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I don’t know about anyone else, when it comes to the TBI stuff… I can only relate the issues I have and how I deal with them… I just know, I am tired of writing about the family dynamic… It was ugly, it is over… so lets focus on the problems I have or had because of the TBI’s…

Ever have a brain hiccup??? You know, the train left the station and you grab your ass, cause for the life of you, you can’t remember what you were either going to say, do or for that matter direction you were walking… That is what I call the brain hiccup…

I’ll be working on something… get distracted and start doing something else, all the while, I am still working on the original subject matter or project or thought process and wham bam thank you ma’am… I go blank!!! Talk about frustration…

Sometimes it is funny, other times, I look up at Mike and say, what was I doing or saying or where was I going!!! and he’ll give me a blank stare, cause, it’s not his day to babysit me!!!

For the longest time I though I had dementia… and got tested… and had to rule that out… Instead the doctor told me, above average IQ and PTSD… well that was zero help in my brain hiccup…

Since I got my memories back on Nov 7, 2017… how many times has it happened… less than 5 times… pretty sure about that count… Instead of losing that train of thought or having that hiccup, I take a pause, give myself the chance to think about what I was doing or thinking and I can recall the thought process…

Before Nov 2017… Not happening… in fact, it was as if I was so stoned, there was no hope of regaining the thought process or continuation of what I was doing…

It really is weird how that has changed, since waking up… Do you realize, if my mother or siblings had been honest with me, the path in life I could have taken… Instead of the frustrating journey I have been on… all because it was about their image in their town and screw my life completely… really says a lot about the kind of people they really are…very small, weak-minded, mentally ill is what I think they are and a few choice words I won’t put in print…

What has this to do with anything… If you have a TBI and you have this issue with the thought process, then I would have to say there is hope for you… I am assuming, which is never good, but I am assuming that with TBI and regaining your memories there is hope that you too will accomplish a more cohesive thought process…

Don’t know if this makes sense… but I think, if I am right… then regaining our memories is the road to a more normal existence… well at least in my world, a little bit normal… I refuse to grow up… I may be 63… but I will always act like I am 16…

Times Up #MeToo

I Remember….