I was wrong… Maybe…

Hubby’s blood work for him, was normal… something I really know nothing about, I can read labs, doesn’t mean I understand them…

So we made a call to his doctors office and they confirmed that for hubby, blood was normal for his stage of heart failure… so what is going on???

I think he has neuropathy like I do… his neck was broken and he has permanent paralysis of certain upper muscles… so his spinal cord injury was like a brain stem injury I guess, not sure about this, because he knows so little about what went down when he was 18…

I just know they took a bone from his hip and put it in his neck and fused it…

Because of the type of injury he had, more than likely, he is dealing with peripherial neruopathy… it doesn’t like my spelling… to bad…

All this is, his heart is fine, for his issues and he’s just exhibiting normal nerve damage and the symptoms mimic heart issues… and blood work rules out the heart, so that leaves the nerve damage…

What this also means… we probably didn’t have Covid in Dec and had something else… I doubt it, but without a anti body test or T cell test… not much more I can do to get answers about hubby’s health issue… especially if there are no indicators we had it in his blood…

So back to square one and wonder, why haven’t we gotten it??? Is it because of our blood type, the fact that we live a stress free life, and our diet is dead on for fighting inflammation??? or the fact we both have kept up our vaccines???

What ever it is… I hope it’s enough to keep us safe, if the doctor is right about the enzyme levels being because of the heart failure and not inflammation from Covid…

Fingers crossed, this young man knows what he is doing… I have little to no faith in our American health care system… I’m walking proof of that negligence….

Sgt. USAF DAV I remember… Margie….

Why hasn’t UPS or FedEx Stepped up???

For American run companies, making a huge amount of money off the American people and the world…

Why hasn’t UPS & FedEx stepped and said they would pick up the slack for the cash strapped republican sabotaged Postal Service….

Why haven’t you….?????

Step up UPS & FedEx or your aren’t American….

Sgt. USAF DAV Be part of the solution UPS & FedEx or leave America…

Yep, I’m Pissed, are you???

Waking up pissed, I usually was bitchy from the get go… geez, that seems like ages ago… Now I just know I’m pissed and have to look at what woke me up… I think I got comfortable with the regular dreaming and got caught off guard by a PTSD nightmare… an hubby pissing away the huge piece of watermelon before bed…

So I woke up pissed… an listening to CNN in the background with the Federal employee hell bent on giving Trump what he wants, America on a silver platter to Russia… Don’t know about you… but kissing Putin’s ass is not on my bucket list and speaking Chinese isn’t either, nor starving like N. Korea…

I kind of like my Democracy, broken as it seems to be… One thing I did pick up on… how the shrinks warned of this happening, because of social media brain washing… an they seem to be right again… that’s my kind of reading…

But am I pissed for the right reasons??? Is it because of the blog??? Is it because of what christians have done to our Democracy??? Is it because back home, they are fast becoming the states epi center for Covid and we see no mask wearing or social distancing…

Why AM I PISSED??? I think, just like everyone else, who isn’t into magic and cults… we fear what is happening and the mental illness that is spreading because of the psychology being used in sites like Face Book & Twitter and Q’anon organization…. the games these people are playing will back fire… that is already self evident… because of the ones doing it are in the minority… a sick minority, but a minority…

It just boils down to humans playing god and you can see that, by just looking at their eyes… have a nice long look at Green’s the new Republican… or better yet… look at Trumps… want to see people who sold their souls???…

Look…

Adorable Spite… not so pissed anymore…

Thank you for your service???

Okay, turned the TV off, because a veteran who obviously is more about Party and Not Nation… was enough to gag me for the day… the dude does a podcast by the title I used for this write…

I served with dudes like him… an I got ganged raped by those said good republican christian veterans… and for them and those like them… it’s not about nation… it’s what can I get out of the system and don’t blink or look backwards… your head may spin off…

I really don’t get it… women who support this kind of behavior… it’s not human, it’s cult… be it religion or republican or democratic, or independent… it’s no longer about nation… it’s about the organizations that have become cults… much like Q’anon… what ever that thing is… which if you look closely at that… it’s writers aren’t American… Asange’s people would know about that… but, when you believe in magic… you’ll believe in the bs of Q’ whatever or the bible… both fantasy an out of the minds of the mentally ill…

It really surprised me, when I read history and found how many of the world leaders, were actually mentally ill… all the way back to the times of man’s man made god… no wonder psychology had so much ammunition… you put it in a book an said it was holy… Man made gods with man made words… just that simple… it’s been all men and women, just seem to swoon to the power of these man made gods… wonder if they think that now with Covid and those same gods are sitting on their thumbs????

Anyhow… Thank you for your service… every time someone says that too me… It takes all I am, not to knock them on their ass….

What I see in my bank account is the thanks I get for dying and the Air Force covering it up… for being ganged raped by officers…. and it was “What did you do to invite such behavior”…. and watching my career go in the toilet while a CMSGT got to retire and the rape and attempted murder of my children got covered up… by the Air Force….. by MEN…..

So yea… keep following the lemmings of religion and politics… and when you find yourself falling over the edge of that cliff… don’t say you weren’t warned…

I got tested… not once but 6 times… I know my mental health… do you know yours or are you going to double down like the Trumpites????

Have a nice day….

Adorable Spite… thinking this might be a new way to write… hmmmmm…

My Hero!!!

Our favorite bad boys went by this morning, and yes they had the Boom Boom Boom going… an the windows vibrated…

Ya know, living on lava rock, which is piled about 12 feet high, so, you aren’t on bedrock or soil… you are on a bunch of huge rocks underneath your house and every vibration, we feel… if a big CAT is working down the road an in a 2 mile radius… we will feel the vibration of the jack hammer and the grater… so, feeling an earth quake, it’s got to be quiet and no activity around us… we felt the 6.9 we had during the eruption… we rode it out, outside…

But the favorite bad boys… as I hit the alarm, I see a hat above the hedge and it’s hubby walking back with the pups and you got it… he got the license plate…

Patience is a virtue… Used that for 50 years with the family, while getting my answers…

Bad behaving adults, who act like teenagers… well you just deal with them like they are kids and not aware… we know the laws…

Cops will be paying the driver a visit and any more noise, we will take his ass to jail and I will go after him under felony law, because we are in a pandemic… no slap on the hand… but jail time for elder abuse, terror threatening and disability abuse… all felony….

Like I said, I don’t like being fucked with as the federal government found out and your tax dollars pay for… we live by laws… not your white man’s god…

Sgt. USAF DAV… taking a bite out of bangers on Hawaii….

That was a doozey….

What’s a doozey you say??? One hell of a nightmare…. and I was still having it when I woke up….

Just curious, have you noticed… I don’t share, like I used too… an for good reason… tired of the censorship… and lookey lous…

So it’s just been mostly medical, opinion pieces and bull shit… nothing of real value… that’s all on my other app, that I can’t stand… I really have an issue with changing technology… I’m old, I don’t like change…

Instead of writing, my brain is on a Mama’s & Papa’s song, that mama Cass sang solo… so, this writing thing is losing it’s lustre… it’s starting to feel like being back on FB or Twitter… not healthy… an best of all, I recognize that…

We were talking this morning and I asked hubby about our kids an their use of the christian platforms… our opinion isn’t different and our expectations on how those platforms will treat them with business’s…. yep, reality is a cold bitch… they may or may not realize that… reputations can be ruined in a heart beat on Face Book & Twitter… that is a christians job… just look at Trump an his base… they bought Roe vs Wade…

Anyway… I’m not into sharing anymore about much of anything… if you haven’t already noticed…

My spidey senses are going off and I think, until this subscription runs out… it’s just gong to be BS…. an transfer my domain back to the other site… the one I bought for this site, I don’t use… so this site, really has nothing for me… the other one does… (Was that enough bull shit nonsense???)

Yep, I’m bored with this… time to find something else I find challenging…

Since people deleted our email address and our phone numbers and those said people are trying to get back into our lives… maybe being on this site is a good thing… they haven’t tried to hit me through here…

Yep, I’m bored… I got what I wanted and what I said would happen has happen and what I said would go down with our nation, it too is happening, in wide screen no less…

Yep, I’m bored… I got my answers and it doesn’t seem that my story is all that important or it would have been shared and put out there by people who want justice, equality and morals… instead, it’s christians and censors… Boo….

Yep, I’m bored….

Well I got exercises to do and stuff to do on my other app from hell, where the real writing is happening… I got a kick out of something I read about writing…

It’s called a specific word and for the life of me I can’t remember the word, but it is about people who promote writers by either hitting the like button repeatedly to draw attention or promote it without cause or purpose… and I feel like that is what has happened to me… so that WP and google can get away with censorship…. maybe I’m right, maybe I’m wrong… but I’ve had people read my blog, who have nothing to gain, but to be honest… an been told by said professionals I could write a story…

Sure don’t seem that way under word press and other internet platforms… again, maybe I’m right and maybe I’m wrong… there is a lot of internet unrest in the world and a lot of Russia, China & N. Korea interference on the internet…

Maybe last nights nightmare was about something to do with the internet… what ever is happening, Salem Witch Trials and the Spanish Inquisition is what it really feels like…. I got a feeling this fall could prove just that….

Well enough with the rambling… last nights nightmare had an impact and I’m struggling to understand it’s true meaning…

Maybe a repeat performance tonight… I don’t control the PTSD… but it sure the hell doesn’t control me… so, angst on paper and time to get busy for the day….

Adorable Spite… planning to move to my original hosting site…

VOTING….

When you vote, remember we are a nation of blended families an cultures an beliefs…..

When you cast your ballot for president, ask this question…

Is it worth owning my reproductive rights so Trump is president for four more years, or WE LIVE IN A TRUE DEMOCRACY an you VOTE for said democracy….

We are on a fine line in America… we are fast headed to Socialism because of christians….

So do you want to live your life based on Democracy or do you want to live the life of christians who rape, lie, steal, cheat an murder citizens…because they can….

SGT USAF DAV Vote America back into power an mans god back to the middle east an up Romes robes…. VOTE….

So censors are you gods or mice???

The blog has been a fun experiment about humanity….or the lack there of an more mental illness than you can shake a stick at…

One thing about a service I bought from the other hosting site has protected me from spam, but it HAS not protected me from humans playing god….

So my question readers… Why haven’t YOU promoted my blog????

Censors will not promote it an as far as I can tell, if you are family, of course you don’t want anyone to know your dirty christian secrets an won’t promote me… an if you are censors, you won’t promote me….

SO that leaves the readers…. Censors an family afraid of those closets getting opened….

Democracy is an illusion that christians are fast dismantling for their sick, raping, murdering religion….

Mainland is the only place I have been on earth, where churches out numbered schools….an you wonder why so many of you are dying…..

Blog renewal is coming up, I plan right now…. head to another site an dump the censors on word press… take my money an run the opposite direction of corrupt raping, lying, cheating, murdering christians….

You yahoos want a pasty god, Trump is all yours, FB, Twitter an Instagram christian platforms are all yours…. an when you can’t clothe yourself, put a roof over your head an food on the table, I will remind you, your man god knows all an does nada… good luck with that….

SGT USAF Vote take America back from Trumps fake christians an man made god… VOTE. this blog is headed to a site we’re christians are terrified to trod…. REALITY!!!!

Can you feel my heart beat???

It was a typical day… my toddler and I on the bus, headed over to the other side of Sacramento and it happened…

An extra heart beat out of no where….

I had no memory at that time of that happening before… so I went to the ER and they couldn’t find anything and I went on my way…. this was 1976…

By the time 1977 rolled around it had been ten years since Texas happened and Margie died… and I still had no memory of any injuries or other issues… Mom just said, “You had normal childhood illness”….

By 1978, something was wrong… so the first step, give me back use of my left knee an they shoot it full of steroids… that lasted about 10 years… an they took x-rays an found all kinds of things going on and no rhyme or reason for them… because I still didn’t remember…

By the time I was discharged, I had worn a halter unit 3 times and not once did it pick up the tachycardia irregular rhythm….

Fast forward a few decades and the halter unit is worn a few more times and CT scan of my heart in 2013 give or take a year… Echo cardio done and no detection of the tachycardia….

Fast forward to 2017, we are on Hawaii an the unit is now, something you wear for 2 full weeks and it’s just taped to your chest… an eureka…

Irregular heart beat… some kind of tachycardia heart beat, don’t remember the name they gave it… but it was being pushed into overdrive, because of levothyroxine drugs for thyroid… something I should have never been on…

Well I quit the thyroid drug in Jan 2019… an the irregular heart beat has backed off, a lot…. even when I get cardio up, it doesn’t happen and any of ya know why… the clue is, it happened early this year and the last MRI showed it back in place……………………………….

My neck…. Yep, the herniation of my neck, puts and compress’s the nerves in my neck and one of those nerves, deals with the heart…. El Paso VA triggered 9 years of total hell with that damn irregular heart beat… just because I pissed off the gas passer before surgery… someone needs to charge them with attempted murder… period!!!

Once my neck went back into place earlier this year… all those dizzy, upset tummy, walk like I’m drunk and pain in the ass irregular heart beat… most of it is mild or not impacting me at all… for now…

Until I irritate the neck or spine or thorasic area… regardless it don’t take much to trigger all kinds of symptoms…

So why did the heart beat thing start in 76???…. in 1971, Don knocked me across the room about 10 to 12 feet and he herniated my neck… it was still herniated, when I went in the Air Force… the Otesopathic doctor, not knowing it, put things back in alignment… it hurt like hell and I didn’t go back an let him do more and it kept me from seeking Physical Therapy for decades, because of the pain he gave me… once I got passed the fear of being hurt… PT is always going to be a part of my life… no doubt about it… pain an all….

It took the hernia that El Paso caused 9 years to resolve it’s self… those bastards are the worse federal employees and guess what, they are you brother, sisters, mom’s & dad’s and it isn’t about the patient’s… it’s about their pay check and that has been proven repeatedly by the number of veterans dying daily, because of poor VA health care… and I’m one of the survivors….

The heart beat thing, hardly happens at all, even when I get the cardio up, when I get on the elliptical….

IT just proves that the shaken baby thing is the right path, for the beginning of the injuries…. spinal cord injury, blunt force fractures through out my whole body and brain injury, plus a stroke… yep, christians have shown me exactly the kind of people they are…. Criminals….

Sgt. USAF DAV I remember…. Margie….

Where I stand with it all…?

Yep, one of those days, were I review a conversation with a specialist and I have to go back an look at the MRI reports and the other reports and finally get it all, what they are telling me……..

So not all TBI show’s up on MRI scans… I guess they have to be real bad, for MRI to pick up… so what did show up on my MRI’s….

The way the radiologist read them, and the way I Interpreted what he said… don’t always meet in the middle… we kind of missed each other on understanding….

As far as the neurologist and radiologist are concerned, I have suffered multiple TBI’s… be it concussion from being dropped from the top bunk repeatedly, or be it in the pictures that are on my front page, where they played tennis with my head… still blows my mind on those bruises in that first picture on my forehead….

So, none of the blows to my head show up on MRI or CT scan…

What did show up… was what is called a blood stain from a heart event… in other words, I had a stroke….. an I’m sure as to when it happened too… Japan…

After the beating at 5 years old, I had already lost time from the shaken baby thing at 2, when she broke the hair brush on me… I lost a couple mores years after the beating at 5 and lost a couple at 8 and I lost time at 13 and 14…. and the last time at 17….

Even though I suffered head injury, it’s not going to show… but, that one little world, because of the stroke on the brain and my memories, the doctors are basing their diagnosis on that….

Repeated traumatic brain injury, compounded by a stroke or strokes and it leaves me highly vulnerable to dementia, because of all the blows to my head… an the fact I have dead brain cells or I wouldn’t have permanent memory loss…

All because christians have to be the slave owner and they don’t care the color, sex or anything else… just as long as they tell you to fear and you fear… oh please, bring on your god, I got a size 7 1/2 all ready and waiting to change it’s voice to another octave!!!!

Humans play god, that is the only gods ever or ever will be… Human….

So to straighten it out in my mind…. TBI’s don’t show up on X-ray… especially real old ones like I had… it would have needed to be a closed head injury or a crack in my skull… so that dent in the right side of my skull, may be from Texas, an may have caused the vulnerability for the stroke that happened after another beating on Japan….

It’s a wild ride, figuring out what was injured, how it was injured and what are the long term consequences….. that I get to live with, because christians beat up a little girl…

I’m impressed…. NOT!!!!

Adorable Spite… watching America be destroyed from the inside, because evangelicals had to own the women of America… those are some frigid christians…

A bigot in the making???

Okay, got the news on, not because of the election, but because of the pandemic… and I got to thinking about what I heard on the news a day or two ago from a high school student and I was stunned at how young bigots have become or have they always been??? and Why???

The young woman said… “I should be able to attend school and not be kept out of school just because you fear”… I’m not sure that’s 100% what she said, but the fear part I am…

I got to thinking and the only people on this earth who told me I had to fear… was christians… and we all know their bigotry, because rape is immaculate….

I’ve watched young people who are now adults, with quickly growing kids, that weren’t holy rollers… but because of choices they made in their lives and instead of just owning the moment an move on… they ran for a god that only exist in the minds of the mentally ill… just read psychology, if you buy into the bible… truth won’t matter to you any way… why??? Because psychology says your are mental… truth has no value, only keeping that closet closed…

I don’t have a closet to keep close, so I can’t relate to the mental illness that is caused by fear… which, in the end… is what religion is…

So that young student, said she should be able to go to school, because you fear… yet she fear’s not going to school…

Who’s rights out weigh the other…. and as I say that, I know, I’m watching bigotry spread like a toxic weed… and China & Russia make more headway into taking over our democracy… watch what is happening in Hong Kong??? It once was free… free to live… not anymore…

Christians are selling us to those countries… just so you can have a say over my body… White man’s slavery at it’s best and thy name be religion….

Yep, Hawai’i sure seems a lot safer than the mainland… as I watch our own head down that path, by just being on the platforms, doing the brain washing….

Vote, take America back from the mentally ill and give us hope of a whole America….

Sgt. USAF DAV I remember… Margie….

No! No! No!

I don’t want another MRI!!! or any other type of scan… but do I need one…

I have complained for at least 40 plus years of pain in my left ear and how my sinus (Maxillary) is somehow involved… only one problem…

The last MRI said the sinus was clear and it’s hard to diagnose the dental sinus issue… and they are planning on putting up to 8 post in my maxilla, right next to the sinus???

While I wait on the next phone call from the surgeons office… I have to be sure to convey to them, it would be nice if I had a copy of the treatment plan…

VA is not involved in my health care and they should not have any access to my neurology appointments, as I signed no release for anyone but my doctor and she isn’t on the VA’s payroll, my SS pays for this…

So, no clue why I haven’t gotten a bill from neurology and if they are sharing information with the VA, we have a liability problem right off the bat and possible lawsuit for violating the patient protection act…

Phone call later, to find out what is going on with neuro and billing and hope I get a call from the surgeon so I can get a copy of the treatment plan…

Who ever at Tri-west decided to play god with this veteran’s benefits, better hope there isn’t a digital trail back to them… I didn’t cancel them, but someone did and I know they know about the blog… VA is corrupt and it looks like Tri-west is just as corrupt…

Anyway, I am curious why no bill from neuro… I should have gotten one already…

Toddles or toodles… I like my spelling better…

Adorable Spite… watching the censors at work… boo

Only christians trash a GOOD person, because Christians are pure evil…

https://www.cnn.com/2020/08/13/politics/eric-trump-kamala-harris-tweet/index.html

Trump kids are the worse of humanity because they are Russian spawn….

Only christians who are Russian or communist would attack a good woman, because christians have no clue what a good woman is… They think Rape of Mary was immaculate…. an slavery a necessary evil….

VOTE and take America back from warped twisted communist christians….an send the Trumps an base back to Russia!!!

SGT USAF DAV…. I voted for America!!!

Body Snatchers have hit Hawai’i….

Go to bed before 8:30…. an actually sleep like a person should sleep… Soundly….

Wake up at 4:30 AM… no roosters an no bangers!!!!

No way I can be that lucky an they all disappear….

Hmmm maybe that siren is more annoying than I thought….

Gee, sleep may not be an illusion on Hawaii island… as I hear roosters in the distance… better than boom, Boom, BOOM!!!

Have a great day, the news will be off in our home, we selected our pres an vp…. as for the virus… We had it already, or at least we had it before it mutated…

Stay safe, wear a mask when you LEAVE YOUR home, you are not special or germ free…you are a walking petri dish an the next death could be because of your stupidity…. wash hands an social distance…

Sgt USAF DAV… Vote Biden An Harris, make America whole again an kick the Trumps back to their homeland in Russia…

Bed time note…

Daughter did the face time an lil man had the phone, needless to say, I nearly up chuck trying to follow the camera….

Its my understanding that this is related to the spinal cord injury an the nerves that run to the brain….

I went to a laser light show an, that is something I won’t do again….

I know that this has always been an issue since I was very young…

So, as much as tech is great… with my issues, only if it don’t move… at all….

We cut the call short, as I just took our dinner out of the oven… an it took a few minutes for my tummy to quit running around the room….

Love the call, just not the moving action….

Adorable Spite…. still spinning….

Hey peeps, what’s up???

I am quickly running out of stuff to write about, or maybe I’m just in a rut, because of Freda reaching out to me or, better yet, the spider laid her trap and is waiting for me to twang the web… I think I’ll skirt that web….

PT over… she is working areas that are super tight, in the rib cage, and neck… an oh boy, does my left side sting, just a bit…

I only have 2 more PT appts and I’m done for this year… take the fall off and go back after neruo in Feb….

My head doesn’t feel like it’s going to go rolling down the road, so I guess that is because it is becoming more stable, per the PT kid…

Oh my goodness is it hot… and muggy… Hawaii at it’s best for summer activities and the ocean so warm, it’s like taking a bath… I don’t even turn hot water on for my shower except for the neck, the water in the holding tank is that warm… I miss cold weather….

I’m learning to hold my tongue… the PT kids and neuro have helped me more than anyone else in the last 45 years… so, it’s about how to deal with the symptoms and understand what injuries are causing the symptoms…

The more I learn, the more I marvel at my survival… I should be 6 feet under several times over… but my desire to see those who did this to me pay… was a stronger desire than giving in to the darkness… no gods, just my own individual spirit….

News is off, we have made our choice for president… we are done listening to the rhetoric… now it’s about the virus and if we had it and according to hubby’s blood work, the enzyme they were testing for, came in with elevated levels… I expect a call from his cardio doc to schedule a echo cardiogram… an see what his heart is pumping at and of course…. Told ya so…. yep, sticking my tongue out at ya… I was right again…

It explains why we haven’t had the virus again… and we have been out and about since this started….

I’m dreaming, but, just dreams about the past and nothing that has any value to this journey… just filling in the missing pieces, sort of… I’ll have to be more direct about that subject in the book…

Bangers have been minimal and the squatters are quiet, so far… an gate should be here any day, covers for it came already and we will have total privacy… yippee…. but if they start another fire in the middle of the night, I’m not going to be polite… damn smoke comes right in our bedroom, like it did at 4AM and no I wasn’t nice when I stepped outside wide awake…!!!

Like everyone else, we are waiting… waiting on a vaccine that is safe and waiting on the election to be over… so sick of christians and their ugly nasty behavior and Trump and his FOX news company are the nasty christians from hell….

Enough, it’s hot in here… have a good one… I’m going to go sit on the patio, where it’s cooler….

Adorable Spite… on the road to sore muscles… at least I’m finally getting some.,…

Entering the mind of the mentally ill….

In order for me to write the book and have a fair and unbiased review of my childhood… is that possible, to be unbiased??? Hmmm challenge accepted…

For me to write the book, I have to enter the minds of the players that did all they could to control the one thing on this earth they can’t….

Me….

I was working on something outside and the thought hit me about the last write… did I explain the twilight zone??? I don’t think so…

I knew by looking at the old picture of Freda feeding me a bottle, the look on her face was anything but, maternal and I felt that, even in the early days of life… I felt the coldness of the woman called mom….

I always knew, even as a child, the woman hated me, because she blames me for her getting pregnant… again… christians do not own their lives, they enslave others to hide their crimes… just that simple…

When I saw the mental health worker and tried to explain some of Freda’s behavior… she thought their was more to it… an their isn’t…

Freda made a choice to hate the first born of Don’s… my birth, gave her an excuse to indulge in the worse sort of behavior a human can… take a life…

Freda is the most manipulative person I have ever met and I have met a few thousand in my day…

When she told me to butt out after Don died… I thought I’m free… but, like the blog says, I got roped back in… that was 2011…. an she tried again in 2017… and what does she do… sends me an email a month ago, trying to rope me in again…

The only time I hear from people, other than our daughter, is because they want something… and that is a fact I can prove over and over and over…

Writing the story isn’t that hard, I seem to know how to tell one… but… always that one little word… to get the reader to see the characters and get drawn in by the story and feel like they are watching it in real time as they read…

Now you get it… it’s a whole lot more complicated, than just telling what happened… the why has to be told and only 1 person knows that an she will take those secrets to her grave…. except for one little problem….

I am remembering….

Margie…

Lets Enter the Twilight Zone….

Doing my workout and I’ll be damned if a memory didn’t play out as I completed my 100 reps…

We are in Big Springs, Texas… the place Margie died and Don got locked in a psych house arrest on base in the barracks… how do I know this??? Because I entered the military 10 years from that incident… I know how it works on small installations… remember, I was part of a medical unit….

Larry is sitting across from me… Peggy, David & Richard were at the table too, we were eating our lunch… and you could hear them down the hall, having one of those everyday arguments and I hear my name…

M… why did your dad & I have to get married…. that’s the key kiddo’s… her asking that question of a 12 year old… why did her parents have to get married… only christians believe you have to do anything that is family orientated… reality… no one forced anyone to do anything… they had sex… an decided instead of owning that physical action…

They blamed me for them having to get married… because they had Sex…

Now do you get what I mean about frigid men & women who call themselves christian… they hide behind the man made god, an never take ownership of their actions, let alone their lives… why???

Because they believe in life after death…. yep, insanity 101… when the brain dies… so do you… and all their is… darkness and silence….

Just wow on me reading the sperm donor and the incubator… and she really does say…. “Freda… I really like kids”…. just not the one she got pregnant with, me, because she had to have sex…. sounds exactly how we got a half sister, while Don was in Vietnam….

And I’m the bad person in this whole story….

Okie dokie…

That was a very interesting experience… and why is it so important….

It’s a memory before Margie died… one step closer to reliving that night my body said let me go to the darkness and stay….

Margie had other ideas….

Adorable Spite…. memory’s are like the cobwebs of Charlottes web….