Wow… 37 countries!!!

Now that I got eyes I can really see with, I just looked at stats on my blog…

37 countries, plus America…. That many, Read my blog… just wow, on the number of people who have dealt with domestic violence, military cover up, brain injury, shaken baby, ….

Just wow…

Thank you for reading my blog…. I never thought I would get seen so far from home… and be heard…

So thank you readers…. I’m stunned….

I hope what I write about TBI, Stroke, Blunt force trauma, Stenosis, Neuropathy, and the psychological side of the journey… not to mention my crazy rants… help…

But… Thank you… I’m humbled…

Margie….

I’ve learned to Hate….

I got a kick our of my sister in law Nancy, when I made a statement that I hated something… and she said, “I don’t like that word”… I busted up laughing… ya know where they lived, my lil preacher brother an family???

Harrison, Arkansas… home of the KKK…. oh, now you are curious aren’t you….

I didn’t come into the world hating anything… I was taught to hate by the very people trying to control me… christians… and do they own what they did??? Of course not, our prisons would be over flowing, if christians owned their lives… there is that much domestic violence and sexual abuse in the house of christians…

Yet, even as I became an adult… I didn’t pick up hate, until my sister decided to lie and kept lying for over 40 years… yep, this memory ability is kick ass, because I can recall conversations we had over the decades and I can remember the alarm bells going off in my head, this wasn’t natural behavior and it wasn’t… she was lying… to protect herself, from the crimes she did against me… and I’m the bad person??? Holy crap on a cracker you can’t fix christians… they are beyond help, because those closets are going to explode here soon…

When I had to leave basic, I knew the minute I stepped out of ranks, I was going to get set back in basic by a couple of weeks… and Peggy, well she had a miscarriage an just couldn’t deal and her hubby was active duty and so was my dad… those men knew, what leaving basic would cost me… I started to hate, the games Freda & Peggy were pulling…

Yet I returned to basic training after moving my kid around and dealt with it… no one to talk to, no one to confide in.. an my husband, my 2nd son’s father… what a douche bag… he was active duty too…. an I’m the bad person in the story…. white man is beyond gagging on their superiority complex… as the world is finally acknowledging…

1977, my heart took hold of hate an used it to propel me forward to get my answers…. just wow on this journey… the more the brain issues from the stenosis, settles down, the more I remember… neuro got it wrong… I do have edetic memory, not high functioning… but it’s there….

I learned from that time in the military… and the child that entered, left a woman…. old in the mind, wounded in the body… the soul was already old by the time I turned 2 years old… It seems like yesterday, the screaming, the yelling and the blows… as I flinch from just such a memory….

What I find fascinating on the psychology side of this… How I knew to leave myself such important clues…. it’s like you took a 10,000 piece puzzle and I took, 66 of those pieces out of the puzzle and without them… the puzzle can never be complete….

Well I found all the pieces, now it’s just a matter of putting them together….

So much noise at the squatters… end of the month, we’ll take action to get them out… sadly, we aren’t the only ones dealing with issues in HPP… so ready to move… so ready…

After years of trying to figure out all the ghosts in my brain… it’s kind of boring right now… stimulation has to come from another source an I got no clue what that will be…

All the stuff we sent for the great grandkids got to their homes and we hope the educational stuff will stimulate them… the oldest loves the Ipad system…

Credit card retired.. now it’s about our planning to move an buy a final home, in our dream location, what area, will depend on the price…

Now I find myself thinking of things that need to be done, how much it’s going to cost and how much time we have to do it all… we are getting slower… but we both are doing PT, so it should improve, some…

Sounds like a mess outside and I’m suppose to write a book in the noise I’m hearing…

Watching the news and the christians snake oil called Trump and god are losing ground and if people would just do the work, they would find, religion is a man made con… accept it, realize it and go live life without it…

Best choice I ever made… I give up on writing, to much noise from the squatters… hubby in town getting a load of mulch, gate is closed and things are on alarm… so I guess I’ll go do chores while they make noise…

Nice cool day, rainy and cloudy and bangers have been minimal… so maybe change is in the air…

Adorable Spite…. Hawaii, peace and quiet and solitude, never happen…

Eureka??? Nope, reality…

I knew, from studying PTSD and neurology, that at some point… the PTSD nightmares would stop… I mean come on…. 63 years give or take and I’ve had nightmares every night, until….. the last MRI….

I keep saying it, knowledge is power and rhetoric is worth nada… and Peggy, your rhetoric was never worth the words you spoke… an we were close huh??? Really??? How???

I woke up like yesterday, sore, tired and not cranky or moody or anything… just body sore, from all the workouts and PT stuff… I’ll take it… for the rest of my life, I’ll take it…

I am dreaming, but it’s just dreams about what used to be…. flash of a holiday or just seeing the family dynamic in a different light… did it or does it change anything??? No….

I’m not missing much memory, just 3 days, out of 66 years… like finding a needle in a haystack… but… always that little word… those ghost of memories, surround those 3 days during different years…

I pretty much remember everything from around 14 years of age to now… enough so, that, edetic memory is for sure what I have, because I’m remembering details an filling in the gaps, between the years…

So, just 3 days out of 66 years of life on this planet… Will I ever recover them??? The odds are in my favor… why???

Because I remember….

Margie….

Holy, okay this is weird…

Daughter calls and oh my, we are so proud… we wish them all the best on their new adventures…

You always hope your kids do good for themselves and the community they live in… an so far, no one has called to move back home… I’m real good with that…

I got to thinking in the shower… I haven’t had any nightmares, an, I’m sleep deprived and, I should be cranky and, I’m sleep deprived… an never shop on the 3rd an 5th of the month on Hawaii, holy cow was that an eye opener…

When Peggy told me about the bunk bed an her walking my sleeping body across the bed an dump me on the floor on my back, causing a build up of bone on my skull… just a FYI, it made my head heavier, because of the repeated abuse… an men wash out of basic because of a hang nail???

Anyway… when Pegs told me about that… that nightmare quit and I haven’t had a dream about falling in almost 3 years…

Some of the trauma is not resolved and neuro wants to make sure that psychologically I’m okay with not knowing something specific… get hung up on one thing, when so much more is out there for me to discover…

Buying the 5th wheel, will allow us to do road trips an Big Springs Texas is definitely on the list…

Bangers have been reasonably quiet, hubby set off the alarm while I was showering…

Last night, it was all me, no outside noise, no engine repair, no roosters… just my brain, refusing to go where I want it too…. so, the memories are there, just having a Trump debate about exit strategy… he’ll lose and I’ll get the memory…

So, tonight, no hopes for bad dreams and no forcing myself to go, where, for some reason the brain doesn’t want to go… there really isn’t much left for me to see, truly… I even remember Billy Ray cutting his hand on that electric table saw at uncle Dan’s place and I was only 6 or so….

So, yea, neuro was right, I was right and the those that told Freda I wouldn’t remember… didn’t know squat… Why???

Because I do Remember….

Margie, Nighty night…. get out and Vote…. oh yea, what’s weird… I got no glasses on an I can see my screen just fine???? Now that is weird….

On the Road Again…

Since we have decided to live our dream an buy on the ocean… I get to look for a new 5th wheel, or maybe used, if not old….

We plan to look at the whole west coast of Washington and some of the San Juan islands an Port Angeles an Gig Harbor… an that is going to take some long days of house hunting, to find the one, just for us… an we need a place to live… so I get to chose what I want…

They are saying vaccine next year and if the virus doesn’t mutate, that will be great, if it does, it’s not going to be that effective… so, damn if you do and damn if you don’t…

Well I didn’t let a couple near deaths slow me down, why should a virus???

Hubby does blood Friday and I asked for a T-cell test, hope the young doctor, doesn’t piss me off…. I get real testy when you mess with my family’s health… hubby is asking the lab, what test the doctor ordered… I can’t read the labs anymore, have to google the thing… I can wait till Friday…

New glasses, holy crap on a cracker I can see… it is still painful to wear them for long, the sides of my head already hurt and the day isn’t over an I bought the lightest frames they make… been an issue since I was a kid… Freda liked to do the 3 stooges slap to both sides of my head….

But… I can see and my eyes adjust to the monitor nicely… so, happy camper… still got a blurry spot in my left eye… see him again in Jan…

I did ask the neuro if those nerves, the vagus and ganglion were one of my issues, an explained the symptoms… I nailed that too… sure explains the hurling of solid chunks… hope you weren’t eating as you spew… an yea, I’m giggling….

The body cleanse, that mine does on occasion, that is related to the neck being herniated… and I said it happened on Japan, when I was there after I got discharged… I slip an fell camping an jammed my head back an herniated my own neck… an my body did it’s thing… Same thing happened, about 10 to 14 months ago… not everything jumps to me when I think of it…

So I hope, since my neck is in place, I don’t experience that again any time soon…

No fog after PT today, that’s a good sign, the inflammation is coming down to what for me is normal… it will always be jacked up and haywire… that just goes with all the blunt force trauma my body recieved…

I did say I wanted a motivator for exercise… Dementia is a huge one and knowing that sugar and I just became friends, but not BFF kind… that’s the killer, sugar causing dementia… so just another thing I give up and keep it low key when I do eat it…

That’s all we have done since hubby an I got married, make lifestyle changes… we partied our ass’s off the first 5 years of marriage, after that, it was no booze, then the cigs went and physical activity and good diet, became the norm… guess we did make the right choices at the right time…

We both feel better, not great, that will never be… but we feel good enough, that wanting to get up the next morning is all the motivation we need…

Well, all I wrote early on… most can be seen to be proven… even though the MRI didn’t show all the head trauma, we know it happened and the injuries that do show, back my story, 100 percent…

I always knew dementia was a good possibility if my memories were correct… I wrote about that early on in the blog… funny, how I predicted all and it happened… personally and politically…. just wow on the ride for the last 3 years…

News about to start, then exercise and do the chores that didn’t get done while it was so hot today….

Have a nice evening… an I just thought, if I do get dementia… the only way anyone would know of my story and christians crimes….

This blog….

Adorable Spite… contemplating a legacy….

Which way did they go???

I get a kick out of the PT kids… she asked what the neurologist recommended and I said, it’s pretty much up to me… I figured it all out, all he did was confirm and eliminate…. he’s basically my backup and since I don’t have a license in medicine… I need the dude… just that simple…

I didn’t ask for medication and he didn’t offer, we had that discussion before…

What will be the rest of my life like??? Just like the first 66 years…

The only difference…. I remember…

I remember what I needed to remember, in order to help myself, because I knew my family wouldn’t and I knew that my mother would take her secrets to the grave… Don did… so too will Freda…

But I knew that long before El Paso VA operated on my leg and nearly killed me, by herniating my neck in 3 places and causing the nighmare I have lived for the last 9 years… Nov 2011, an that will never be forgotten, my mother in law, died the day after my surgery….

So, what can I expect… well, lots of exercise… I’ll probably buy a neck stretcher, but I want to wait, till my PT is over and we have a few hundred for me to spend on one, as I’ll be the only one using…

Adapting, to my lifestyle, will be every time I think of things I want to do… I have to ask the question, is it safe for me, an the answer will be no to a lot of things anymore…

Myelopathy just doesn’t impact my neck… I have it down my whole spine… so I got the triple threat on that disease… but it started right after the hairbrush beating… so shaken baby, all the way to the bank… an the repeated whiplash when Don beat me or Freda… I never stood a chance… throw in some Judo from Peggy, which she brags about… I really didn’t stand a chance…

So thank you Dr. Jacob, Capt. USAF, Vance AFB 1981 or so, have to look at the reprimand he wrote up on me for throwing instruments… well, we now know I’ve had neuropathy and myelopathy since I was at least a toddler… so thank you Capt… for that government document that shows, bigotry played big time at Vance AFB…

That was around the time I quit wearing make up, because I would stab myself in the eyes with the mascara that I never could control, let alone eye liner… an I bought my self that spray on makeup recently, it actually came out looking good, surprise to me… still no eyeliner and the eye lash’s get very little…

I wrote a long time back about it all being from my neck up… I was partially right… it’s actually my whole body, but the spinal cord is the real culprit…

I flexed my arm while PT was working it an you could see the lumps in my arm from the broken tissue and fractures that healed incorrectly… that left arm is a real pain in the ass, with trying to get it to work right…

Because I have so much soft tissue damage and nerve damage and skeletal damage… life will never be what it should have been…

An the woman reached out to me… just wow… oh an Peggy got slapped once…

Nope, life is going to be fun, it always is… just a little more restricted and confined and home… home will be with a view to die for… because my life may or may not be long… and I want to enjoy what I do have to look forward to, living some place I always wanted… on the beach…

Besides, if I do get dementia… what easier way to get lost in the world, than by the ocean….

Margie, living what christians put on anyone who fights their evil…

Shit happens…

We were talking an a thought came up to write about an it was gone… off to the abyss of my tiny, itsy, bitsy brain damage…. really sucks, cause the thought came back around an zoomed off in another direction to play pin ball…..

I had hubby put birthdays in his phone, because I cannot see the Iphone easily… an he rambled off the ones he had put in an we are missing several…

It’s a struggle to get people to understand I suffered a memory loss that covered the last fifty plus years…

I’m not seeing a neurologist by choice, but by need…. My memory issues will never not be around… and our children, family an friends expect a different person they think they know….

Just a FYI, no one knows me, not even hubby…. an I will go to my grave knowing that…. it really does take a great effort to want to know me, an I have decades of fake relationships to account for that statement…. they don’t respect me, because they don’t respect themselves….

Well, time to go do PT an junk… have a good one… this line of thought will get more consideration….

Adorable Spite…

That’s Life….

What hubby & I are living through, is not unusual or different from any household all over the earth… our drama is no different than anyone else’s… just depends on what your values are…

Hubby an I have had this conversation multiple times over the last 10 years and the lack of desire on the part of the kids to be a part of our lives and when they are a part of our lives and ask for advice and it’s not what they want to hear… we get an earful, that would make man’s god weep…

Letting my dream go, I started that process in Arkansas… Freda made sure of that… and I had no illusions when we left Washington state, but I had hope, an that hope was not kept alive… it was allowed a slow death that culminated this week… good way to start off my 66th year on this planet…

At one time, our home was grand central… do you know how many visits we have had from our kids, since we left Washington??? 1 child……… in 18 years came to our home in another state….. 1………………

So I guess what they say, you cut the purse strings and remind them of the boundaries… it’s just easier to leave us out of the loop of life, because that way you don’t have to justify your actions to us… just a FYI, that is a christian behavior… just a FYI…

After I got jumped on by 1 grandkid, the rest decided, they could do the same… they watched their parents in action and figured they got away with it, so I get to go for the jugular too….

EHHHHHH!!!!!!!! Not so fast chickadie’s……..

You had rules growing up, those rules have only changed slightly and looking at the way our nation is headed… we can see, those rules had no value to begin with…. I’ve said it before, your lack of action is what gives you away… your friends an close family is worth the effort… we don’t seem to be…

That is one thing about psychology, I know it real well and use it all the time, on all different kinds of people and walks of life… the tool allows me to protect what is important to me… an gives me a very good insight into relationships, we never truly had and that is total honesty…

Our kids friends know more about them, than we do… an that isn’t going to change, because it takes too much effort to be human… christians cheat life…

Human’s live life…

Adorable Spite… accepting what is and what will be…..

Letting it all go…

Sleep, not happening last night… Brain way to busy looking at memories…

So much has opened up, since that last MRI….. Mental health, one of the most important health care options we need, yet, it is buried, so that man’s man made god can do it’s evil against humanity… so, mental illness will be with our world, until people are educated an not afraid of those closets that are bursting at the seams….

What got me to write this morning????

Got to thinking about how we have tried more than once to get the physical address of our granddaughter, so that we could send gifts to her directly… we have been trying to get that address up to recently, when we were told mail it to her momma… well that didn’t do any good either…. an they wonder why we put the credit cards away…..

Deceit in relationships is the norm for those that are christian and you can swear till you are blue in the face you aren’t religious… but your behavior says in volumes so much more, that you are afraid of what you don’t understand….

Yep, I didn’t get much sleep last night, because little deceits like that get in the way of real relationships and it begs the question, why is she so afraid to do that DNA test??? Does she know something we don’t???

It is frustrating… you try an lead by example an be totally honest and what you get in return is anything but warm fuzzy feelings….

No, society today is brainwashed by christian platforms that make you think, you can’t exist without them, that you aren’t complete… to us, it just shows, you are a complete idiot for being on the platforms and you prefer those relationships over ours... okie dokie…. wow, did I just save myself thousands of dollars….

The last of the jewelry I bought a few years ago, will go out to the last couple of people it was bought for and that will be it…

We won’t bother with phone calls, because we never made them to begin with, ringing in the ears and hearing aids, don’t make for good talking… an we won’t bother with other forms… face time for us is just flat out pain, because we have to stand in one location to keep from losing the signal and we have to hold the device and hubby can’t, so that leaves me, with my broken wrists and hands to hold the device… and it’s not worth the physical pain to do face time… guess I’ll have to look on how to turn that option off on our phones… being disabled, is anything but fun…

We are both a little frustrated, because we owned our behavior with our kids and did what was right…

I couldn’t get what is right out of our 3 kids if hell showed up on top of earth… and at this rate with global climate change, it may do that for me…

I really would like the people we call family and friends to show us, how we treated them so poorly????? Please point it out!!!!

The slow realization that truth costs is a pathetic analogy for christians….

Truth has value, honesty has value, ethics have value, integrity has value…. but not to the christians on Face Book or Twitter… they got to much to hide…. ain’t that so Freda….

No, sleep didn’t come easy last night… I gave up so much and got nothing in return, but an empty bank account… it’s time to change the boundaries of the fake relationships that have continued from our own blood….

Yep, no sleep last night… been a lot of that since the last MRI an yesterday, just complicated the issue… as I straighten my shoulders back into place an stop the searing pain coming from them….

Ya know, I gave cameras to my kids, video cameras to the kids and you know how many videos disc we got in the mail?????

000000000

Adorable Spite, so over playing with children… they need to grow up an we have our doubts they are capable…. they act more like Trump...

It’s Not the World We Grew Up In….

We were just talking about our move, when ever that happens an hubby said, the world got turned upside down 6 months ago….

He is right, as we all can see, but, that lil word… the world I grew up in, minus all the violence, lets leave that on the wayside for now… That world was respect, values, morals, ethics an most of all the illusion of free speech….

As I fast found out, an others are quickly realizing…. religion is the only deep state in America an it will be Democracies down fall…

My hope, people acknowledge mental illness an get help for their delusional god manifestation…..

Vote, take America back from the mentally ill… Biden is a stepping stone out of the dark ages…. Vote…

Adorable Spite…. stomping on Trumps voodoo….

66 Yrs of life, 53 of those years with Amnesia…. can you beat that???

Just wow on today’s neurology appointment… I did mention, would I say anything about his behavior… I did tell him, my attitude about him had changed… I got a sheepish grin out of him…

The fog… the neurological fog that impacts my brain an you would think I was high as a kite… when I was 5 years old…

That fog is a result of shaken baby syndrome… spinal cord injury… when you piss off the nerves in the spinal column… you are going to pay and I have, since I was 2 years old…

I got to see a male red cardinal flirt with a female cardinal this morning… never seen them do the courting dance… it was fun to watch…. sorry I digress, birds outside my window….

IQ… as Trumpie say’s it is what it is… it’s up there and still is… but thanks to the TBI on the frontal right lobe… I don’t articulate it as well as I should be able to… that section of the brain deals with speech… an I’ve had more than one person use that hiccup against me more than once… and they are no longer a part of my life…

Physically… I got what I got, with compartment syndrome in my limbs and nerve damage on top of that and old fractures that started with arthritis, long before I hit puberty and internal injuries that are so scarred, if I need emergency surgery… I’m probably in trouble on surviving…

My neck will herniate very easy and that is something that will change the rest of my life… no more zip lines like I did last year… no more hiking, like I did last year and no more physical activities that just flat out cause pain and compromise my life…

so our next house will be big, because we will have our own gym… just that simple… I wanted motivation to get off my ass… keeping dementia out of my life, don’t need a stronger prod….

One thing the neurologist did mention…. I am a lucky one… with all the trauma to my head and brain… I’m considered a lucky one… ???

What does someone unlucky look like????

Yep, the conversation is playing around in my head, about all the topics I hit and he just confirmed, what I already knew…

There are no more tests to run… nothing can be done to correct the damage… if I had received proper care, I wouldn’t be writing this blog right now… and that is just a simple fact that I have to live with….

Christians did all they could to destroy my life an instead, It has cost the taxpayer well over a million an counting for the last 20 plus years an If I get pissed enough, it could well cost you even more, because I’m not taking this lying down, sitting up or standing…

Christians are the worse of humanity and my body reflects that 1,000 percent….

Sgt. USAF DAV I remember… Margie … be afraid of the book kiddos… it’s coming an none of you are safe from the truth… isn’t that right Trumpie???

The world is spinning to fast… Military cover up still happening…

Picked up my new glasses before we went to my neurology appointment an I have been on a merry go round of upset tummy… yep, my eyes changed real fast after surgery… hope it’s done for a while, but the left eye is still blurry and that tells me, something is wrong with the new cataract lens and another eye surgery is not my first choice…

Hubby saw cardiology and they say hormones… okay, I get that it could be, but his symptoms are identical, to when he had full blockage in one vein and 3/4 blockage in the other 2 veins… so, tomorrow he’s doing blood work… at least they are doing something… but I got some reading to do… because I don’t think this young doctor knows who he’s dealing with yet… just stating the obvious…

Neurology, guess you might be curious about my appointment… wow… just where do I begin… I’m not going to hit everything with the first write, so, probably find a few more blogs after this, that covers, what ever I forget to note now….

The nerves… the vagus, the ganglion and all that jazz… yep, I have full blown myelopathy and have had it, since the first spinal cord injury that Freda gave me around 2 years old…

so, Air Force doctors, you lied your ass’s off to get me out to cover up rape and attempted murder… just that simple, you can’t trust the military to be honest, it’s about image… Just look at Trump, his is all about image and not nation… same with the Air Force…

So, spinal cord injury, how many, shall we count… I won’t remember them all, because a couple were caused by me and just living life after I left home…. but by my count, my spinal cord has been injured over 8 times, 6 of those were by Don & Freda…. an you ask, how can I walk, talk and wipe my ass, if the spinal cord is injured??? Really??? google it, okay….

Add in the blunt force trauma fractures through out my whole body and we know the answers….

I’ve been beaten to death a couple times, my parents did the damage and my sister Peggy…. well she got slapped once….

What’s all this mean??? Neurologist said no more testing… not for mental health, IQ, or anything else….

I did ask him about the memory loss and I’m not willing to share that information at this time… I’ll probably save that for the book….

What he did marvel at, is what and how much I do remember…. so, take that hint and have a fantasy… okie dokie…

I did get to talk a little psychology with him and told him I knew when the severe TBI was and when the stroke was and he was surprised I figured that out… no doubt in my mind about that subject… the TBI was Texas because of Donna and the Stroke was on Japan, because I spoke the truth…. such good christians… Trump, aww, he’s my hero…… (*#$%#@$_) kind of hero…

Anyway… I go back to neurology in 6 months… I have one thing that will always be with me… because of all the concussions and the TBI & Stroke…

Dementia is on my radar… since I had 2 MRI’s 20 years apart and both were clean for that type of illness… another MRI will be in my future as I age… he said, it was a 50/50 shot, on me getting dementia, because of the head trauma…

An you think man’s god, is expecting me to arrive brain damaged??? Because you couldn’t control me???? Oh Please!!! If I get to meet this man god…. I’ll be wearing Knee high boots with a spike on the tip and aim right for his balls and let the world know… god has a voice an it’s a few octaves higher now….

Toodles…

Adorable Spite… Trumps kung fu went poof… wish he would, an the GOP and christians…an muslims… take them all please space ship… pretty please….

I’m not a switch you flip on….

Technology today is okay, me, I can live without it… I know how to use a typewriter… so, I be good… but I also know how to write and do that when I send out cards and I know how to dial a phone number… which anymore, you can just talk into the device an it will do all the above… except be real…

It always seems, when people want something I hear from them… and when they don’t want, it’s running at dead silence….

I told hubby, I’m not a switch you can flip on or off at your leisure… nope… I be a Margie with a few boundary lines that have been crossed… i.e. beat to death would be one, strangled to death would be two, disrespected repeatedly would be 3 and playing games… would be 4…. I’ll pass kids… been there and done that, all before the age of 18…

I told my husband of 26 years, you are the only one to see who I really am… an that even surprises him on occasion… Margie coming out to play…

Margie was murdered by her parents and kept buried by her siblings… and when she came out to play, everyone tagged along… Margie was always coming up Roses… her ride, was one to tag onto, until it didn’t work for ya anymore… because Maggi came out to play instead…

One thing about brain injury… it changes you… and my lil ole grey cells have been woke up…. most of you who read this haven’t a clue about neurology or the psychological package that comes with brain injury or stroke… I’ll tell ya, this blog can’t make sense to anyone, unless they have been down this road… and if they have, they get it…

I’ve said before, the person I was born to be, was changed by one thing only…. Christians and them beating a child repeatedly to death…. after a while it takes it’s toll and the brain changes and adapts… and feeling it happen in real time… makes it the best ride on earth, with zero drugs… just the brain…

Brain injury changes your personality, it can impact your hormones, which mine did, it can impact your cognitive and reasoning abilities, which it did and it can impact the part of the brain that evaluates emotions….. brain injury takes, it rarely ever gives and if you are lucky and it gives…. run with it, live it, breathe it, and enjoy the gift your brain gave you….

I know I am….

Neurology today and I ask a few questions to resolve conflicts with symptoms and time frames… no one says anymore, you were young for that to start… we all accept, shaken baby and spinal cord injury, the evidence… is in my body…. so, not learning anything today, just thanking him and letting him know, he got me the answers I needed by process of elimination… will I leave the room without hitting his body language… maybe…as I grin…

No, Margie was born a gentle child, with a sharp brain and self awareness… what the christians did was try and control, what was never there’s to begin with, my individuality…

When I stood in that bedroom on Japan and told myself to remember these specific memories… I had no idea it would take me 52 years to unlock my own murder and abuse at the hands of family….

So, yea, I’ve tried to have relationships with people and they keep closing the door or they want different rules, pertaining to my life and participation… it doesn’t work that way in reality… I don’t do fake… just that simple…. I don’t do fake relationships…

My birth day has come and gone, an I know the people who want me in their lives… Like I always have said in this blog, your choices can have an impact on mine…

Enough melancholy, got chores to do before it heats up and appointments to keep….

If you kept up with this write… give yourself a point… just 1, though…

Adorable Spite, looking at life through her lens only… time to move on…

No Longer Treading Water….

Our favorite bad boys just went by, could hear them a half a mile away an could hear them a mile away after they passed, siren was on that long… aloha, just a marketing ploy to get your dollars, make sure it’s worth it… I’ve lived here going on 5 years and we really wasted our money… an we may not be moving for a very long time… so, maybe a louder siren…. clean the hood up and make it a nice place to live… lol, not sure I got that kind of patience, but covid has all the say, so, it may not matter one way or the other….

I wrote several months back that things were changing… and they have been… as the stenosis is brought under control, an I haven’t had a fog day in a week, so, that’s a step in the right direction….

Physical therapy and me getting off my flat ass and exercising, seem to be the key to what I want… a better quality of life…

As for my birthday, I wasn’t surprised and that fake relationships have boundaries too…. hubby said, last night, he didn’t look for property back home… he was looking someplace else and I never said a word about my birth day…. he’s a keeper….

No if you want to be a part of someones life, you work at it… you know as much information as they give you… which is limited, we aren’t on FB, so we don’t know anniversary dates or partner’s birthdays or much of anything else… because we aren’t considered family…. and we accept that…

Totally…. accepted and trying, just doesn’t seem to be what we should bother doing anymore and just get on with our lives, because we seem to be more of a nuisance than we are mom & dad, grandma & granpa or brother or sister or son or daughter… so, we aren’t treading water anymore on trying to participate and for us disabled… of body, it’s no longer worth it….

We did what we could to support those, during this time of chaos… but that credit card has been retired and now, it’s solely about what we need…. because in the end… the only ones that have our backs is our selves…

Told hubby, I needed to get a new lawyer program an work on our Wills… what we have in the strongbox now, just won’t work… and he knows this… so, another project for me to tackle…..

Hubby warned me, my dream wasn’t a reality and I still had to dream… just like my birth family, I let those illusions go, because mental illness is that pervasive in the family… I have to let the illusions I had of home, go too…

Like Trump said with 155,000+ deaths on his hands…..

It is what it is and their choices, helped to make ours… just that simple…

You have to admit… I did warn you…. All of you….

Mom, Sister, Daughter, Grandma, I know my friends…

Happy Birthday…. well maybe…

My birthday came an went and I got exactly 2 well wish’s from people I know… hubby & girlfriend… and that was it, except for the normal BS from business’s you deal with and they know your DOB… got a couple of those notifications… but that was it… no card, no phone call, no email…. except from hubby and girlfriend…. and I’m the bad person????

Geez, talk about gut wrenching… naw… like Trump said, It Is What IT Is....

After a while, you sit back an watch those that profess to be family, be it kids or sibling’s or parents or anything… you forget them, you are douche bag… they forget you…. Oh well… an that is what you call being a “Christian”…. for all the words they say that they aren’t…

They act 100% like one… and that is a fact, you can bank on….

I have jewelry sitting in my box, for my granddaughters… one has gotten a piece and our daughter got one for her birthday last month…

And I can’t get a phone call or text, telling they are glad I was born….

Okie dokie… so that illusion has finally hit the pin and exploded… must of been a dull needle to take so long to explode into reality….

What this does for me…. allows me, to continue to withdraw even more and make it even harder to be reached…

When the family and friends cut me off over the last 3 years… I didn’t destroy the email address’s or delete their phone numbers or mailing address… but I know they did, how… because they reached out and I didn’t respond… they wanted back in the very door they closed, just one little problem…

When you closed that door, I removed the key and the only one with that key now, sure the hell isn’t you, now is it????

Have a great day, my birthday was quiet, hubby chose dinner and we just relaxed for the day an I accepted into my heart and soul the reality of my worth to other people and theirs to me…

2 way street, when you treat people this way… an that door is fast closing on the few left in my life… told hubby, our move, just seems to get further out of our reach and Hawai’i more like the home we hadn’t planned on… that’s life… I’m tired of moving and I have no desire to live near anyone who can’t treat me the way I treat them…

It is what it is, per Trumpie…

Maggi… I beat christians at their own game… cazillion points for me…

It is What IT IS??????

https://www.cnn.com/2020/08/04/politics/trump-covid-death-toll-is-what-it-is/index.html

After a while the rapist just tells you to bend over, because IT IS WHAT IT IS?!?!?!?!

Odd isn’t it, that a christian would be so cavalier about human life… but when you look at the facts, its not surprising at all, why???

Because these men are the same men that said Rape was immaculate because their god said so??? Uh, not sure about you, but pasty skinned MEN telling who or what is god, is the biggest sex assault on the planet against a child named Mary….

But their god will forgive them…..

WILL THE VICTIMS?????

Get out an vote, take America back from white, black, brown an yellow skinned psuedo christians an muslims who only want to TELL YOU WHAT YOU CAN AN Cannot do in life because they are frigid religious psycho paths….

Vote an take America back from man made gods an sex slaves…

SGT USAF DAV…. I voted….

If you are curious….???

www.spine-health.com/conditions/spinal-stenosis/cervical-stenosis-myelopathy

Click on the link to learn about cervical stenosis…

The myelopathy for me, started by the time I was in my teens… the stenosis was ongoing from the shaken baby an repeated spinal cord injury….

And she reached out to me, holy crap on a cracker…pure insanity….

Nighty night…

Margie….