Speculation 1….

Okay, so this is something I haven’t documented….

I wrote that at one time I was forever ramming my left foot into my right ankle… In other words… my left leg was probably turned in a little, when I was a child… and when did that action stop??? When did the body take over the control???

My first clue… Planters warts on my big toe on the pad side because my shoes were to big and my feet moved around in them…. this was Japan, circa fall 1968….. by 1969 something changed or lets just say, one of those christian moments happened…..where don’t spare the rod, because the child spoke the truth…..

Here’s my speculation… the brain injury in Texas in 1967 was major, along with a bleed on the brain…. this injury caused such issues that I needed care…. I feel this is the right track of probability only because of physical attributes that were all of a sudden gone and new attributes appeared….

When Texas happened and they beat upon a 90 pound 13 year old girl…. Margie died… oh boy, did that child die…

You see I can see her brillance and talent and …. I can still hear her screams… and no one stopped it, until Okinawa 1971 and the last blow was delivered….

The guys on their way to Vietnam… said Maggi was her name and Margie became a ghost of a memory from that last blow…. an Maggi would not allow one more body blow… the mouth, she could not stop the words the christian parents spewed…. no that’s their gods job…. yea right…………

What has that to do with my toes…. I’ve been told for decades it was all neurological and I fight to keep my toes from curling under and know that I need to finish my exercises… but even as I sit here, I am flexing everything, to get the nerves that were beaten so brutally from birth till 17….. begging them to relax and give me some relief… I’ve stumbled twice today… and a few times things have gone flying…

I am not sure what the neuro will have to say about the other episodes… but like he said… my injuries are not focalized or singular… it’s my whole body… inside and out, that christians tried so hard to control and when they couldn’t, they tried destroying it… just one problem….

My humanity saved me and not man’s god…..

I remember… Margie…. Sgt. USAF DAV

Good Morning World… I woke up another day after TBI….

Rain and lots of it… Rained so hard during the night, all the motion lights kept kicking on… it was like a light show in our bedroom… no air movement, and very warm… That is living on Hawaii…..

Watch the news after we get out of bed, and it’s all so depressing, when you see the number of lives lost, that shouldn’t have been lost….

Bush said in 04 or 05… If we don’t prepare for the unexpected, we won’t be ready… so Trump saying we didn’t know, is just another christian lie… and there is so many, christian lies… when does Truth Matter??? Now???

Hubby running up to Keaau to get mail on Sunday, less peeps around… and that is our last time out among the population for the next couple of months… sounds horrible huh, being cooped up for a couple of months???

I’ve been retired since 1996… 42 years old and retired…. so being busy for the last 23 years, not hard at all… hubby has been retired since 03… we have a beautiful property… we both may be disabled of the body… but that doesn’t keep us from being productive….

So Neuro wants me to write the blog… UGH!!! So done with this… but I get where he is coming from… Mental health is vital on this journey to remember and after what happened at the El Paso VA on the operating table!!!

I’m so happy to be back in my brain again and the memories do open up daily, hourly, every minute… well, maybe… but the past has filled in…..

The more I exercise, the more I remember the injuries and how I got them and who gave them to me… so, no, there will never be a reconciliation between me and mommy dearest…. Daddy dearest is already 6 feet under and dancing with his man made devil…. Mommy… well Covid 19 may have a say about that…. but if I had it and got over it, I got my genes from someplace, so the DNA test says…. (Enough sarcasm???)

Roosters, I can hear 4…. telling each other stay out of my territory… only one problem… one of those roosters has decided our acre is his turf… I can’t win, when it comes to sleep, so I’m learning to sleep through the noise… and I will NEVER own a chicken…. EVER!!!!

Reality of this pandemic is setting in… our leaving here is looking more like 2022 and that’s just being honest with the airlines, shipping stuff and the fact the virus is likely to mutate and a vaccine won’t happen because of that mutation…. we will see if I’m right… lets hope it’s mutated twice and is done… always have Hope…

I’m finding no problem putting on the weight… I bought 10 bags of Jelly beans Thursday… the last 3 bags are in the bowl… so that might explain our tossing an turning… but it was a fun binge… we love jelly beans….

Great gran kids were sent easter baskets… tradition is so much a part of America… even though we are aethist, we are honest about the easter bunny, santa clause, tooth fairy and gods…. all stories to make humans have faith in anything but themselves….. my great gran kids will not grow up dumbed down….

If the neurologist and I are right, the hernia in my neck is helping to move my mandible, exercise is real important… as I straighten my spine and put my neck back in proper place… it hurts after about 30 seconds of improper posture… and my back muscles are already angry with the weights I’m doing…

The pain is familiar and some of the exercises, trigger flash’s of memory of the violence a child endured……

So as you hug your significant other or kids… realize, we are all in this together… I want nothing more than the suffering to stop, and the only way that will happen, is if we are all in this together… those that reject the isolation….. those will be the religious, thinking they are gods… other wise why take away MY REPRODUCTIVE RIGHTS????? Rape is rape, no matter what bull shit story you tell…. Mary was raped…. and some of you worship a god that approves of that rape….

I remember Margie…. Sgt. USAF DAV

In this together???

If WE as a people are in this together???

WHY are you taking MY REPRODUCTIVE-rights because of your in ability to live with your choices???

I remember Margie Sgt USAF DAV, rape is rape an MARY WAS RAPED!!! Humans get preggers one way only, a woman’s egg an a HUMAN mans sperm!!!

Nighty, night…

No picture just 30 seconds of rain…. Night all, sleep tight, don’t let the bed bugs bite…..

no picture, just sound

Stay home, stay safe…..

Waiting on Big Island, Hawaii….

Still business as usual on Hawaii… yes most of us are staying home and doing the right thing for each other….but…..

My security cameras have captured car, truck, 4 wheelers loaded with people, headed to the cliffs to fish…. uh, so much for distancing…

I get a kick out of the neurologist…. when I had hubby tested, the man was a complete dud…. now, after almost 3 years, he’s getting interesting...

Are you getting any sleep????

Between my dental and my body not being happy at this point in time… I get about 2 hours… so a long nap today is on my agenda… been up since 2AM….

If I make it past Wednesday and no symptoms… I should be clear, till we hit our peak, and with what we are seeing out our window… it’s going to be ugly on the island… we have many seniors and lots of homeless…. no, it won’t be pretty here….

So the Neuro wants me to continue the blog… what the hell am I going to write about??? I get bored with something, I move on to another hobby…. always been that way and bored with this I have become…. if you could only see my expression…. It’s not a pretty one…. that, I promise….

It comes down to finding a subject that needs addressing…. I’ve pretty much done that… I’m speculating on what the neuro will tell me, after he reviews the scans of my brain and neck… will his diagnosis concur with mine???

As for the psychology part… Once I started remembering… miss smarty pants started melding into who I became…. she really is annoying at times...

Margie doesn’t visit my dreams anymore… what was and needed to be remembered, has been…. thus the desire to quit the blog…. to write now, would be to give the book away and tell the whole story and it would just drive me bat shit crazy trying to write here, with all the noise we have from the traffic on Makuu street…. now wouldn’t it be sad, if the virus made it quiet??? Now that would feel like I’m in the Matrix……

Have a beautiful day, stay home and stay safe…..

I remember… Margie… Sgt USAF DAV

TBI Recovery, the long road home….

In 2010, I was 56 years old and I stood in Freda’s kitchen and told her I was missing memory…. her reluctance to tell me, what they did to a childs body, spoke volumes of the christian woman who knows her god…. wonder if Trumps spiritual advisor knows her god, her foot seems to know IT???

Yesterday, wow…. I’m starting to like this Neurologist… I go back over the first PT, an what she did to relax my facial muscles, because everything was locked in the wrong position and I knew it was because of my dental, just not why… the neurologist hit on it yesterday, an my suspicions are right… I have that condition that rearranges the structure of my mouth, all because of the dentures the VA made an I begged for them to remake… 10 years of hell and counting… well, at least America is getting a taste of sub standard care, over whelmed health care professionals and lack of supplies… that has been the VA since I started using it in 1984…. I screamed, now you yahoos listen because it impacts you… tells ya what Americans truly think about veterans… we are expendable.. still think that way as they wipe your sick ass???.

Having the neurologist affirm my own diagnosis and confirm a few other things… left me happy and very angry… because the living is still not talking to me… but their god hears it all…. to bad that is full blown mental illness…..

No more psych testing, no more EEG’s… no, what he thought before, the science shows it’s all brain injury and not strokes…. the brain injuries just look like strokes and that is where I got fixated… so back to reality of brain injury… honestly denial is so much a part of this road or journey to recovery…. I know, I’ve been on this road since 1968……an I finally grab that light at the end of the tunnel… Now what do I do????

Physically, it is a non stop struggle… but now when I rub an area of my body and feel a lump, I don’t freak… it’s not a tumor… it’s the by product of blunt force trauma fractures from adults beating up a child… ie… mommy dearest…. so physically, I have to exercise, I have to do the things for my neck to keep it from killing me and I just absolutely have to be sarcastic….

Neurologist wants me to continue the blog!!! I was so ready to quit, dealing with it all in my brain… but no… the man wants me to continue the mental health side of this… I mean, really dude, UGH!!! I don’t want to learn this app!!!

After listening, reading and researching this pandemic and the science… we are so screwed on leaving here… mainland, no big deal… but we have to fly us and dogs home and that price just tripled, because of this mess our leaders let happen….

House hunting we will be doing… moving… that may take a couple years for the airlines to get back up to full running capacity and not cost us and arm and a leg…..

The neurologist confirmed much of what I suspected and tossed out my speculations…

I have a condition only because christian adults beat up a child… I have multiple brain injuries…. and I survived…most of all… I remembered!!!.

The neurologist also agreed with me on my memory ability… it’s not so much that I have Edetic or photographic memory… it’s because my injuries to the brain started at infancy from shaken baby syndrome, it formed the way I make memories…

I told everyone for decades, the dumbest thing you can do is lie to me…. because like an elephant…

Liars are my favorite diet… and I rarely forget a lie, when told to me….

I don’t expect PT to happen till this fall and I don’t expect dental to happen till this fall…. but if the neuro doc and I are both right about my facial structure being rearranged and the cause of the pain… Hawaii will be home for another 2 years as they take care of this dental issue, why??? Because my wearing dentures is like you wearing braces… all the damage to my body and my head by repeated blows to my face by mommy dearest, things are not where they should be…. this is so not going to be fun…..

If we are stuck here, hubby plans to use the opportunity to buy a new fancy 1 ton so we can have a bigger travel trailer…. doesn’t hurt to dream, but that price is going to have to come down for me to agree, but a big travel trailer, we can take the great gran kids all over the U.S……

Traffic as usual, we won’t hit our peak for another month and that’s when our sheltering at home did us some good… we have such poor leadership here… our daughter said Washington is on shutdown till May 6th… they live in a rural area and that hospital system won’t be able to handle more than a few patients…. so wish we were home…..

Still digesting all the things the neuro doc and I talked about… we hit on all the subjects in rapid order and he kept up… I finally feel like I’m getting to the end of this journey… Is that possible???…..

Have a wonderful day, stay home and stay safe….

I remember… Margie, Sgt. USAF DAV

Neurology… I got Answers…

Today was a fun day… I got out of the house and off the property for my Neurology appointment… Handed over the 3 DVD of the MRI’s & MRA… Gave them the reports from the radiologist and it happened….

Doc comes in and out of my mouth….. Let me tell you what I know, then it’s your turn… and I’ll be damn… he did…. and I got answers and compliments… just wow on that one… an no, my opionion about doctors isn’t changing that quick… so what happened????

I told the doctor all I knew and what I was doing about it….

1.. Stenosis and herniated c5-6….

2… Neuropathy….

3…. Mental health on my journey….

4…….Can the dentures cause seizures………

I got answers to everything and I know when I go back in August, I’ll have more questions and he will have more answers…. so what did I find out????

The IQ is valid and real… every bit of Neurology and Psychology I read for the last 40 years… I know what I’m talking about…. and then some… so that was nice to know…

As for my lack of education and my IQ being of no value, I found out my view on this subject is way off base and it’s just part of the past and dummy playing, so people didn’t know how smart I really was… because if they did, they would hurt me like my birth family did…. so yea, some habits have taken longer for me to abandon, that is one that will go bye bye very quickly….

As for remembering…. well, that one is a very complicated subject to get around and the neurologist made me understand why….

The abnormal brain wave has no real value, it may have been a one time fluke… so, that is not the direction he plans to go… and as for psychology testing… it’s been done so many times with the same results… well, we all know the definition of insanity… just look at the ones who pray…..

Is what I’m experiencing a stroke, not for sure on that one… he thinks that what I experience is a direct result of the traumatic brain injuries put upon me by 2 christians I called mom and dad…. and the Air Force covered it up… yep, I don’t gots the imagination to make this crap up… reality really sucks sometimes….

As for the childhood memories… that one, we are going to keep that opinion private… I am working on a book remember….

Other than offering me meds for the denture allergy, yada… we are focusing on the Stenosis, as it is a life threatening situation… one I’ve known about, since my military time… it’s just a memory that got lost, because of my brain farting when things go wrong… like they did at the El Paso VA and they covered it up… so done with VA death care….

Neurology is sending me back to Physical Therapy, to refresh my training and teach me what I need for this herniated C5-6…. and my short term memory will always suck, that’s an area of the brain that shows injury...

I’m happy…. This is just one of many doctors who affirmed my intelligence… it’s been my family who wanted to keep me dumbed down…. sorry to disappoint, because…..

Guess who’s back….. I remember… Margie….

now we start the 6 day countdown on being about in public… fingers crossed I am right about Covid19 an we already had it…. Stay safe and stay home….

Theft during Pandemic is a Felony….

Well the yahoos hit the house being worked on an literally took a 10,000 gal catchment apart, down to the ground…

I would say about 3AM they came back an hit the property for what ever else they could steal…

Land of Aloha my ass…Only if you believe in Pele an white mans god, then an only then do you have Aloha…. A con as big as Trumps con…

Sgt USAF DAV I remember Margie who survived the rapist an liars an murderers called christians….

Our baby ๐ŸฆŽ thriving…

keeping an eye on us, bro an sis must be napping…

Humor…. my daughter๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ pee notice…adult language

smile a lil smile….

Stay safe an stay home when you can…we can do this…

I remember Margie…