When will it make a difference??? When!!!

I know we all ask this question… when will all the good I do, make a difference, be it your life or the ones receiving the help… Do you self deprecate???

I don’t… Doesn’t mean I haven’t, but I learned, I got more out of the giving and doing, than I did out of the person or person’s receiving what I had given… case in point…

We spent the winter at Khino Bay, Mexico… very poor area, very 3rd world and the village, getting chocolate cake was a treat… Now we are living in our 5th wheel and it’s got a typical camping stove an oven… but in that little oven I cooked so many cakes, the local store ran out of ingredients and I ran out of cake… but we spent a couple afternoons, driving the massive village of huts, handing out cake… the first day, they were hesitant, the kids… the 2nd day, they saw us coming an came running… an it melted your heart… best christmas I ever spent… baking cakes…. we talk of it, 14 years later an smile, it’s the one holiday, we truly enjoyed…

When we left Khino bay after 6 months, it wasn’t a year later, we got a call from one of our fellow campers, who had been asked by the locals if we were coming back… we had to say no, it was a once in a life time adventure… an I have video of our little dog swimming with dolphins… good memories…

We made a small difference for a moment in time… an what I just wrote is called self deprecating…

What triggered the write, I had bent over to do something an felt it… so I headed for the kitchen to grab tums and proceeded to tell hubby who had a puzzled look by the confab, why I shouldn’t take the tums for the problem that was happening and asked the question….

When will it all make a difference??? an what is that???

Exercise… the reason the VA put me on Acid reflux meds, was because of what just happened and it triggered a host of memories from my military time, concerning the same problem, but it was not frequent, yet, just occasional…

IT’s a spasm of the digestive tract and it’s because of the Autonomic neuropathy, from being beaten so much as a child… and the issues started around the age of 5…. an, as it got worse, it felt more like a heart attack and have that happen frequently, you get a little concerned… so did the VA and I quit the reflux drugs, an so glad I did… cancer and dementia for both of the ones the VA gave me…

Anyhow… in the military, the activity and having to stay physically fit… made my rib cage put more pressure on my digestive track and would constrict my stomach from expanding or what ever they do and I would have a bad spasm an they put me on drugs… for a spasm… (remember my ribs at 24 years old, were that of a 65 year old, because of modeling damage repair)….

I only get acid reflux, if I over eat…. and with the exercise showing me that things are tightening up inside an things are starting to sit correctly, like my rib cage… finally… it’s just something I am going to have to adjust too and accept a major impact…

No eating out and no eating around other people… I doubt anyone paid that close attention over the decades, when we had barbecues or big dinner parties or holiday gatherings…. I rarely, ever, ate very much… an I was usually slow… just to keep the spasm from happening in front of other people… hubby at first, it was hard for him an scared him….

I told him, unless I keel over, just let me deal with trying to get a breath, because the food is down when it happens… it’s just a spasm making it hit the stomach like a cement block going through the digestive tract… an you don’t have to ask, it hurts like a heart attack an breathing, breathing gets scary… ironic… probably why we won’t live near anyone an only have company, when I think I can pull it off… which lately, may be never… it was hard enough when company was here last year…

I don’t think anyone on this earth is worth putting myself through that again….

So the exercise, may make a huge difference or it may make it, where life around other people just isn’t going to be…. freak show isn’t on my bucket list… an those that were on my list, I just scratched off…. sometimes you have to let hope go…

Adorable Spite… looking for her forever home…

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