No quick exit….

As much as I would like to say my journey is over… I’m seeing things come into more of a realistic view… think that is why hubby is so patient… let me find my own way home…

One of the realities of memory loss, is loss of security… you are always seconding guessing and always feeling vulnerable… just because of memory loss… I compare it to losing a limb… the itch that can’t be scratched… same thing with memory loss…

That is how we figured out how many Severe TBI’s I had… because the memory loss was specific, not general memory… but very specific and each incident was text book… Severe TBI’s comes in at 6 times…. all before the age of 18 and all of them but 2, before the age of 14….

I have been walking through a fog of vague memories that won’t jell, to in your face relive the trauma an blows one more time, just for giggles…

PTSD and repressed and amnesia all at one time, want to know what a real carnival ride is like… take a vacation an spend 2 weeks in my brain… you won’t survive 24 hours… before running for the hills, screaming the whole way…

The best way I can describe the progress… The issues with my son’s… they have to own their lives… I gave them life… they got to own it, just that simple and quit expecting me to forgive them… they are grown adults who know all there is to know… figure it out…

As for my step daughter… she is a remarkable young woman, walking a thin line and I have to accept the choices she makes, just like she will have to accept the choices I make with her dad….

Accepting the reality of my birth family and their complete degradation into criminality in their lives and not letting them draw me back in…

Accepting the reality of my children, all of them… and their choices in life are what they have to live with…

Accepting the reality of the degradation of religion into a pitfall of corruption and sickness of depravity… people pay to play… okay, I got nothing on that stupidity…

Acceptance, in the bangers going by and the fact, this is home, till it is safe to move and move to where???

Now that is the new fun we are embarking upon… no darts and no maps… we are hunting for our forever home….

So, I accept the family for who they are and will keep the door closed… mental health help is out there, they just got to face reality and maybe then we will talk, not till then…

As for our kids… I’m sad I won’t have what I dreamed… but some dreams aren’t meant to be, because of the choices we made early on and I got no one to blame on that point but me…

It’s weird, when the chaos just stops…. so this is what it feels like…

I accepted the reality of the world around me… now it’s time to go make my own world…

Adorable Spite… Looking for her forever home…

Vote reality back into our democracy… stop the fake news of face book and twitter, leave the platforms destroying your individuality…

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