Let’s go on a psych trip…

The one thing about my journey of amnesia… my ability to understand psychology…

Don’t get me wrong, I got in my head more times than I can count… but I also found my way back out… and made sure I didn’t repeat the mistake… you do know the definition of insanity???

Keeping doing the same thing an expect a different out come… hubby outside my window with the weed wacker…

The psychological part of this journey to reconcile my missing past… has been, as far as I can tell an I’ve looked for case histories like mine and never found one, nothing even close, to 53 years of amnesia….

Knowing I was missing memory and the refusal of Freda to give me information and the constant lying by my older brother an sister…. I knew…

I just had to prove it….

The psych testing the VA gave me and Social Security, all the same tests… all the same results… PTSD… an I kept asking, why do I have PTSD??? No one could answer, because I couldn’t remember…

I knew that something was going on with the brain and I knew something was going on with the central nervous system…

Just putting all the pieces together, took longer, because of the lack of information coming from the family and the games people play, which does seem to be a christian specialty and the incompetence of the VA & Air Force…

yep it took the murder of 26 people to trigger the memory of my death….

I fought the demons of mental illness because of brain trauma… and the stigma of, it’s all in your head by the VA and Air Force doctors… well it sure was in my head ass holes…

Over 40 years I fought my own doubts, but I asked questions, I was always asking questions… an I questioned El Paso’s VA ability to function as a hospital… an oh my goodness you should see the 3 page rhetoric in my records… not medical, rhetoric… I really struck a nerve at that facility after my leg surgery and doubts of ethics at the facility…. Director was fired, not long after…

I find that most people with head truama that lose memory and have a personality change… blame everyone and everything, but themselves… I too went there… it’s an easy place to reach… not owning your life…

Once I realized my mental health would improve, if I owned the fact, it’s my brain, and I didn’t do the damage, but I can do the healing… it just all fell into place after that… maybe why I made such huge progress in such a short time…

Remember, my memory trigger was Nov 5, 2017, the murder of 26 people… we are fast approaching 3 years of regaining, most of my memories…

The self doubt, it eats at you and it takes more from you than the brain injury …. Once I accepted that… the self doubt took a hike… and I quit questioning myself and most of all, I quit doubting myself…

I’m going to make mistakes… Mandy gets frustrated with her speech and how others see her… I call that getting into your head in a negative way…

I too have the speech issue, another reason we know I had severe TBI’s… it doesn’t show up all the time, it happens when I’m real stressed or over excited… an I can feel it happen and sometimes what comes out of my mouth, isn’t what I wanted to say… the PT kid has seen that happen, my brain lets me focus on more than one subject, it always has… so conversation and thought will cross over each other, happens at home too… I call it a hiccup…

Mandy will get there, she has the drive and determination… she just needs to quit being so hard on herself… she is a remarkable young woman… read about her at her blog… Inspirational Leader…

Well, I’m not getting my workout done… it’s cool, breezy, hint of rain and not like our summers at all…. my electric bill has been sweet…

Have a good one…. as for my mental health… I would say, I’m back to that little girl, just before the first spinal cord injury that stole my life before I hit 2 years old… she is jaded now… the innocence is long gone… but the memories are filling in the blanks that christians stole, just to own my soul…

Adorable Spite…. I remember… Margie…

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