I’ve learned to Hate….

I got a kick our of my sister in law Nancy, when I made a statement that I hated something… and she said, “I don’t like that word”… I busted up laughing… ya know where they lived, my lil preacher brother an family???

Harrison, Arkansas… home of the KKK…. oh, now you are curious aren’t you….

I didn’t come into the world hating anything… I was taught to hate by the very people trying to control me… christians… and do they own what they did??? Of course not, our prisons would be over flowing, if christians owned their lives… there is that much domestic violence and sexual abuse in the house of christians…

Yet, even as I became an adult… I didn’t pick up hate, until my sister decided to lie and kept lying for over 40 years… yep, this memory ability is kick ass, because I can recall conversations we had over the decades and I can remember the alarm bells going off in my head, this wasn’t natural behavior and it wasn’t… she was lying… to protect herself, from the crimes she did against me… and I’m the bad person??? Holy crap on a cracker you can’t fix christians… they are beyond help, because those closets are going to explode here soon…

When I had to leave basic, I knew the minute I stepped out of ranks, I was going to get set back in basic by a couple of weeks… and Peggy, well she had a miscarriage an just couldn’t deal and her hubby was active duty and so was my dad… those men knew, what leaving basic would cost me… I started to hate, the games Freda & Peggy were pulling…

Yet I returned to basic training after moving my kid around and dealt with it… no one to talk to, no one to confide in.. an my husband, my 2nd son’s father… what a douche bag… he was active duty too…. an I’m the bad person in the story…. white man is beyond gagging on their superiority complex… as the world is finally acknowledging…

1977, my heart took hold of hate an used it to propel me forward to get my answers…. just wow on this journey… the more the brain issues from the stenosis, settles down, the more I remember… neuro got it wrong… I do have edetic memory, not high functioning… but it’s there….

I learned from that time in the military… and the child that entered, left a woman…. old in the mind, wounded in the body… the soul was already old by the time I turned 2 years old… It seems like yesterday, the screaming, the yelling and the blows… as I flinch from just such a memory….

What I find fascinating on the psychology side of this… How I knew to leave myself such important clues…. it’s like you took a 10,000 piece puzzle and I took, 66 of those pieces out of the puzzle and without them… the puzzle can never be complete….

Well I found all the pieces, now it’s just a matter of putting them together….

So much noise at the squatters… end of the month, we’ll take action to get them out… sadly, we aren’t the only ones dealing with issues in HPP… so ready to move… so ready…

After years of trying to figure out all the ghosts in my brain… it’s kind of boring right now… stimulation has to come from another source an I got no clue what that will be…

All the stuff we sent for the great grandkids got to their homes and we hope the educational stuff will stimulate them… the oldest loves the Ipad system…

Credit card retired.. now it’s about our planning to move an buy a final home, in our dream location, what area, will depend on the price…

Now I find myself thinking of things that need to be done, how much it’s going to cost and how much time we have to do it all… we are getting slower… but we both are doing PT, so it should improve, some…

Sounds like a mess outside and I’m suppose to write a book in the noise I’m hearing…

Watching the news and the christians snake oil called Trump and god are losing ground and if people would just do the work, they would find, religion is a man made con… accept it, realize it and go live life without it…

Best choice I ever made… I give up on writing, to much noise from the squatters… hubby in town getting a load of mulch, gate is closed and things are on alarm… so I guess I’ll go do chores while they make noise…

Nice cool day, rainy and cloudy and bangers have been minimal… so maybe change is in the air…

Adorable Spite…. Hawaii, peace and quiet and solitude, never happen…

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