I’m not a switch you flip on….

Technology today is okay, me, I can live without it… I know how to use a typewriter… so, I be good… but I also know how to write and do that when I send out cards and I know how to dial a phone number… which anymore, you can just talk into the device an it will do all the above… except be real…

It always seems, when people want something I hear from them… and when they don’t want, it’s running at dead silence….

I told hubby, I’m not a switch you can flip on or off at your leisure… nope… I be a Margie with a few boundary lines that have been crossed… i.e. beat to death would be one, strangled to death would be two, disrespected repeatedly would be 3 and playing games… would be 4…. I’ll pass kids… been there and done that, all before the age of 18…

I told my husband of 26 years, you are the only one to see who I really am… an that even surprises him on occasion… Margie coming out to play…

Margie was murdered by her parents and kept buried by her siblings… and when she came out to play, everyone tagged along… Margie was always coming up Roses… her ride, was one to tag onto, until it didn’t work for ya anymore… because Maggi came out to play instead…

One thing about brain injury… it changes you… and my lil ole grey cells have been woke up…. most of you who read this haven’t a clue about neurology or the psychological package that comes with brain injury or stroke… I’ll tell ya, this blog can’t make sense to anyone, unless they have been down this road… and if they have, they get it…

I’ve said before, the person I was born to be, was changed by one thing only…. Christians and them beating a child repeatedly to death…. after a while it takes it’s toll and the brain changes and adapts… and feeling it happen in real time… makes it the best ride on earth, with zero drugs… just the brain…

Brain injury changes your personality, it can impact your hormones, which mine did, it can impact your cognitive and reasoning abilities, which it did and it can impact the part of the brain that evaluates emotions….. brain injury takes, it rarely ever gives and if you are lucky and it gives…. run with it, live it, breathe it, and enjoy the gift your brain gave you….

I know I am….

Neurology today and I ask a few questions to resolve conflicts with symptoms and time frames… no one says anymore, you were young for that to start… we all accept, shaken baby and spinal cord injury, the evidence… is in my body…. so, not learning anything today, just thanking him and letting him know, he got me the answers I needed by process of elimination… will I leave the room without hitting his body language… maybe…as I grin…

No, Margie was born a gentle child, with a sharp brain and self awareness… what the christians did was try and control, what was never there’s to begin with, my individuality…

When I stood in that bedroom on Japan and told myself to remember these specific memories… I had no idea it would take me 52 years to unlock my own murder and abuse at the hands of family….

So, yea, I’ve tried to have relationships with people and they keep closing the door or they want different rules, pertaining to my life and participation… it doesn’t work that way in reality… I don’t do fake… just that simple…. I don’t do fake relationships…

My birth day has come and gone, an I know the people who want me in their lives… Like I always have said in this blog, your choices can have an impact on mine…

Enough melancholy, got chores to do before it heats up and appointments to keep….

If you kept up with this write… give yourself a point… just 1, though…

Adorable Spite, looking at life through her lens only… time to move on…

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