Reason it out…

Tip toe thru the tulips my ass… I want to barrel through the field in my 4Runner….

Banger at 2AM an yep that alarm went off… Funny how vibration does that, just like car alarms, to much bounce or movement and they blast… an our neighbors across the way, no clue what they were up too, but packing an moving every night around 2AM??? I’m beginning to think meth house, an I hope I am ever so wrong… an it’s just peculiar behavior an not digging up bodies…

The memories are coming in, an this is, I don’t know what… honest answer…

I got to thinking about the stroke on my brain, the bleed, which means heart… I have partial blockage to my primary vessel… the important one and it’s been there since before I went in the military… an if Freda isn’t lying, a I had pneumonia as a baby, a chest x-ray would have been done and if any blockage, it would have shown, even back then…

So that blockage, probably happened when the stroke happened and I always assumed, since they told by MRI, that the TBI & Stroke happened at the same time… now I’m not too sure…

I have a vague memory of my arm in a sling… it tells me it was Alabama and it was the boob incident beating an near death for the collar bone…

That picture on my front page, the one by myself, bruises on my neck… if someone straddled me, while I’m on the floor and was strangling me, the pressure from their knee or leg or body weight, could have broken my collar bone… Oh mommy, such a kind mother an Peggy got slapped once…

Piecing the injuries to the right time frame is going to be the fun part…

The beating on Japan, is my likely stroke and I say that because of the memory of myself making a mantra to say every night, so I wouldn’t forget about the abuse for the last 14 years and hello gang… I set myself up for PTSD nightmares… I left memory triggers for myself… an it worked to keep the memory alive, but did me no good with triggering any of it……that took a lot more work and the death of 26 people in Sutherland Springs, Texas Nov 5, 2017… my memory trigger… 50 years later

What’s nice about this… the chaos isn’t there anymore… like this morning, the memory of my arm in a sling came around and the yard I was in… it was Alabama…

This tells me I am remembering the abuse… the memories I made myself imprint nightly, make a whole lot more sense, when you see the full picture…

No, I will never have contact with Freda, ever…

Hubby and I were talking an I said, I would have been Freda’s free ride, if she had let me develop or had at least told me what they did to me, when I left home, so I could get help……

I would have made a brilliant psychologist…

Instead I saved myself and took the toxic out of my life and will work on my book and wait for the memories to open….

Neurology next week, probably my last appointment… he didn’t provide any mental help and he is a neuro psychologist… nope, that’s been all me… an no more surgery, so not sure why I would need to see him again…

Sorting out the injuries isn’t an issue, until a professional finds another section of my body with a broken bone… an it’s here we go again… but I won’t be surprised if she or he finds them…

If you kept up with this write… you now see what my brain does… it’s thinking of a couple of things at the same time… and that is what I’m trying to rein in.. It’s only annoying, when I smoked a bowl… go figure… which reminds me… It’s time…

Are we sure we are in summer??? We are sleeping under a blanket at night…

Aloha, looking for it….

Adorable Spite… tired of GOP & Trump’s voodoo…

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