I got goosebumps…!!!

Or as they say on Hawaii… Chicken Skin!!!

I’m allowing the mind to wander and not focus on anything, just let it do what it does best… go hunting…

It wasn’t that I blocked my memories on Japan in 1968… oh my goodness no… I didn’t block the memories… I made a mantra…!!!

After Texas and coming out of the brain injury and from what I can see, any health care I got, was sub standard… 3rd world… if any care at all, an I have no memory of health care, except for the car door incident…

So it wasn’t blocking the memories, that I did… instead… I started memorizing the memories that I still had… little did I realize, it was a lot more complicated than just going to bed every night and forcing myself to remember certain clues… but I was smart enough to do it… so, what does this mean…

Simple… I left myself clues and instead of just ignoring those clues, I need to examine them a whole lot more in detail… and that is going to take the PTSD nightmare gig…. damn my eyes won’t focus…

I had always thought I blocked the memories of abuse… I’ve come to realize, that fear wasn’t the issue… I stood up to them as a child and adult… Fear wasn’t the issue…

Survival was, and it wasn’t that I would have taken my life… I was more afraid of losing my mind… death would have been better…

It takes time to sort out the chaos of PTSD and repressed memories… Freda reaching out to me, was the trigger I needed and a clean MRI was the next…

The TBI and stroke will always be a part of me, it molded me into the person I am today and just amplified the child I once was… Honest, no gods… just humanity and honesty…

Well the goosebumps are over, the realization it was a paper trail of clues I left behind in my little grey cells that manufactured themselves into my PTSD nightmares… no wonder when I solve one, it goes to sleep for good…

And all Don & Freda had to do, tell me what happened… Now my mother in her late years with I’m betting frontal dementia, will never know why this daughter never walked back into her life after she did all she could to take it….

Now it’s nighty night…

Adorable Spite and Margie on a journey of discovery….

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s