Your’e not helping…!!!

Well I never know when the PTSD nightmares will hit and I was out of bed several times last night, trying to escape, what ever was coming forward… and what did I dream about….???

Mommy dearest….

I knew when the panic attack happened in the MRI tube and it was because of what I was focusing on to avoid a panic attack and it was full circle….

When hubby an I married 26 years ago, about 2 years into our marriage, I started telling him the stories of memories I couldn’t pin down… by 96 we went to Arkansas and saw the family and the dreaming started in earnest…

The first thing I did upon our return home, after we moved into our new home… I stopped all the medication the Air Force had put me on and the VA continued… so the first few weeks in our new house… I slept in another room…

Once I got the mind altering drugs out of my system… I started focusing on remembering and working to get answers…

In 2000 or there about, the VA sent me to Oregon for a Brain scan… we now think it was a contrast CT scan, which, from research wouldn’t have shown my injuries…

No answers then and life goes on, until El Paso VA nearly kills me on the operating table and I fight… with all I am I fight, to recover the memories they lost for me…

Fast forward 9 years later and the last MRI I hope was done Friday and that is more than likely what triggered my PTSD nightmares last night about Freda… Mommy dearest… the beater and abuser, but throw Peg in the mix, because those hand prints on my neck in the front page picture are hers… Pegs hands tried to take my life… now this is very important with Fridays email from Freda…

You see Peg has been reading my blog from the beginning and she knows about all I have written… I also know, she went out of her way to replace me as the protector and savior of our little group of siblings… but they don’t remember all that, they too were traumatized… but Pegs… oh Pegs envied to no end and does to this day… so want to know who tried to kill me in Alabama… Freda & Peg all because of what Larry did… All I did as a 8 year old, play like any kid…

That being said… Innocents in my siblings went the way of dino a long time ago… they chose to adopt mans, man made god and do the worse to each other then they pray to the invisible friend in their head for forgiveness…. yep you can’t fix stupid, but time in jail would be about right…

So what do this confab mean… well Peggy is doing what she wanted since the beginning, taking my place and NOT TELLING any of my siblings about the blog… It would blow her and Freda’s cover…

Now put that in your pipe and smoke it… sounds like a good idea…too early to be this serious…

And no, there will never be any contact between me and these women… they chose to act upon depravity and say they are children of god…

Mental illness 101, never turn your back on idol worshipers…

Margie… I remember….

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