Reflecting… is it worth it???

Watching the news, hubby out with the pups on the walk… quiet this morning, like it should be… the little bit of music I hear or boom, is muted… like it should be… laws were written, because people agreed on them… they weren’t made to be broken… excuses… always justification for the bullying action an it’s always by christians… we are out numbered, run for your lives…. an what ever emojis you want….

I was thinking, always dangerous… am I still angry, like I was in 2016???

That answer is a resounding no… it’s nice to finally let most of this go… once the PTSD nightmare is seen, it sleeps with the fish’s…. going on 3 years of this wake up, recalling repressed memories, getting closer to some answers and some I will never get, but that MRI is still to happen….

The tension in my shoulders is going away and when Hawaiian bangers let me sleep, I get some… so yes, we or at least I am so ready to move… but the pandemic is in charge, not us humans… so I wait and work on this journey, I am ever so tired of… it was nice to take a break, when the PT kids massaged the neck and stimulated the nerves… the fog, is a very nice break from all this, may explain why I didn’t seek to leave it sometimes…

There will never be forgiveness for Freda or Don… as I watched how the family spiraled out of control and the greed was so thick, you could cut it with a knife… I cried for what I saw, not for Don’s death… his life deserved none of my tears and I thought my family did… boy was I wrong….

We all make mistakes in life, in my home, you own them or don’t bother crossing the threshold… hard to live life this way??? Never been easier… truth comes natural and we don’t hide from the bullies… so many disrespected and abused us and the relationships we once had are no more, the trust is gone and to rebuild it I have to trust and if you read the blog… humans have given me no reason to trust… so catch 22, you created by your own actions… you have to own them… I was the one that received them….

Every day is a new day to correct the wrongs in life that you did… no gods or prayers are going to do that…. only you physically opening your hole and saying the words and most of all, the words have to bear truth… and that is ever so hard for the path you chose….

Yep, this pandemic changed everything… it could be 5 years or longer, before it is safe for us to move, unless we can get proof, we already had it…

So that just means, my seeing my kids or anyone for that matter, may never happen… anyone of us could die tomorrow and the opportunity to own your life, just slipped away….

But being who I am, I see some thinking it wouldn’t have mattered anyway and that, my friends is justification, a christian thing… and you said you didn’t believe???

All about choices and living by those choices, and not living by justifications….

Well it’s so quiet and it’s about time for the bangers… maybe… yesterday’s performance may have had an impact… always using psychology, even on the neighbors…


Adorable Spite….

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