Doing what they want….

So, I’m suppose to document the mental side of this crazy road to no where….

Mentally, I spend little, if any, thinking about the people who did this to me….

So I guess that side of the journey is reasonably done….no emotion, no anger… no sadness… hmmm…. no empathy for them either… an I just giggled… yep you can’t fix stupid, when you believe rape is immaculate… best con man ever came up with….. The Bible….

Psychology for me and neurology… one of the most interesting subjects I’ve ever read about… and never ending on learning and I know nothing, just a lot of information that comes in handy when I recall it… but the text books helped a little and seeking professional help, what little I did seek in Mental health… gave me ideas, but was of zero help…. so, reality… my thirst for knowledge is what led me out of this cavern from christians hell…..

PTSD has lived with me, my whole life… I can look at the pictures, the few that were taken and I can see it in my eyes… I think that is why I make some uncomfortable… if I want to know you, I am going to be looking at your eyes, the window to your soul….

you look in Trumps and before all I saw was arrogance… now I see fear… and he should be afraid… Walmart shopping in PJs not stylish and a wooden seat on the throne, not good… splinters could happen… just a thought...

Nightmares, not having any…. but that pattern I mentioned a while back, that I am seeing and I go by the dogs date monthly for their heartworm and my body is getting into a hormonal pattern… yea, I could mark the calendar… want to be my secretary??? I hate learning new apps… so I cheat and do what works for me… and this does… and their is a pattern…. finally….

So I was right about the Levothyroxine… the woman controlling drug men manufactured to control women… been off that for a year and a half and damn, do I feel so much better and I’ve only taken hubby’s head off a couple times… damn, he’s a keeper in patience… (I think he turn’s his hearing aids down, true story)….

Depression… that is something I will live with the rest of my life, only because of the brain injuries and their isn’t anything I can do about it, but be aware and not allow it to have control, but live with it in such a way… it’s just another symptom by product of brain injury….

Hubby has heard these stories so many times, that reading the blog, only if I write something sarcastic and I think is funny… he reads…other wise… 26 years of me telling him… (he now will turn the TV up if he wants me to shut up… oh an that’s not being insulting, rude, vulgar… it’s called he hears and wants to hear something else…)

If I could get some amount of quiet, I would write the book… but every time I sit down to work… a banger drives by…. right now it’s the canary outside my window and the rooster outside all windows… this I can write in…

Anyhow… doing what neuro wanted… Mental side of the journey… it will always be with me and the lessons learned… the physical side will never go away… so, no forgetting, no real moving on… just learning to live with rape and attempted murder and government cover up and not be bitter …

You give it a try….


Adorable Spite…..

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