PTSD waking memories…??? Zoo time…

Doing the usual, cleaning… and the memory hits me, Sacramento, CA… my son was a toddler and I was on a bus and had pain in the heart area…

Got off the bus, went to the ER with a toddler and never got seen, waiting was beyond sad, much like what we will see soon because of Trump and Evangelicals…

Anyhow… That was my first experience with the Vagus nerve… and holy cow, do some of our body functions get complicated … sure we are made from the rib of Adam…. uh… Adam was made from star dust, end of story and he evolved from pre man… do a DNA test before you try to argue this point with me and you’ll lose…

So, 20 or 21 years old, the weird heart and stomach thing happened at the same time…. okay, I lost ya huh???

The vagus nerve controls a lot of functions and inflammation of this nerve can cause you all kinds of digestive issues…

Since we know the beating at 5 years old happened, that is in the front page picture… and we know at 8 years old it happened, that is also on the front page… and we know 13, 14 and 17 happened… All severe beatings and blows to the spinal cord, head, body… any place they wanted to hit, they did… They make the Nazis look like child play… I giggled on the comparison of my parents to Nazis… white suprematism are the same… all fake wanna be christians…

So for anyone to say I was young for the symptoms to start… I swear I’m going to look at them and tell them to duck before I swing… I imagine the expression on my face will tell them, if I don’t have a mask on… our new normal…

The symptoms started by the time I turned 6 years old, the subsequent continued abuse, just fueled those symptoms and by the time I was active duty military… they were spreading and expanding and the Air Force nearly cost me my life… so I think in reality… out of those 9 lives… I’ve used 4, thanks to the Air Force, with the recent memory of what they did and put it in writing… thank you commander… wonder if you are a VA directior, you were inept in the Air Force and I imagine you still are… Thanks for that denial in writing… I was operated on a year later, just in time to stop my small bowel from rupturing, it had been cut off by adhesions…

So the heart rhythm that has had me freaked since 1972 or there abouts, the awful pain from the arm movement and the pain to swallow and get food down… all of them and the headaches and probably more….

Vagus nerve… who knew doing biofeedback, would be the key to staying alive, by reducing the inflammation in my body, long before I made lifestyle changes… dumb luck or intuition.???

Day is calling, got a fan to put up and ceiling to repair… so far, banging, not to loud… I can deal with music coming from your rig… I can’t deal with Boom Boom Boom from bass coming into my house… you are not welcomed… stay the hell out!!! I have a mean right… just saying the truth…

The real reason for the write… I got to thinking about time… and how I look at it differently, even last night hubby got the deer in the headlights look when I started going deep into neuro psychology…. and I realized what I was doing… and let him off the hook…. I get it, I think on a whole different level… and no I don’t have a enemy’s list like Sheldon Cooper….

As for time… I gave Don the opportunity to say he was sorry, he couldn’t do it… he couldn’t own the bigotry of his own life of lies… I left, because no one would allow me to be near him in death… they are that cold in their soul they sold to their god…

My children are not invincible… neither are we… hubby and I both know, every night we lay down, may be our last… we always make sure the dogs have plenty of water and access to food… morbid huh??? Not when you have already been dead…. you know it can happen at any time and the time you thought you had to right old wrongs is gone and the legacy you leave behind, is the guilt of your lack of actions… I wonder if anyone will go to Trumps funeral, without having to be paid???

Yep, time is fleeting and opportunities that come and not taken, rarely come around a second time… you have to have that touch in life, to walk around with the bucket of shit christians hung on you and smell like nothing but a proverbial rose… and you got it…

It’s roses in my world… but not theirs… is it???

Adorable Spite…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s