What matters?? Who did it???

Never a good way to start my day angry… Back in the day, it was stay out of sight and you won’t get yelled at… my children and grandchildren have never seen me truly angry and it’s not a pretty sight… if their is cause… in other words, I didn’t create the drama, someone else did… make sense???

Hubby lets me get it out of my system, so I can move on with the day and not fixate on the subject, but digest it, research it and do what I do best… prove it….

Memories… holy moley, memories… when they ride in upon my nightmares, I don’t like it… I like my sleep… but I learned, when I got my memory trigger Nov 7, 2017… I learned… pay attention and quit ignoring them… and here we are… almost at the end of our confabs.. because, we are coming to the end of me remembering… last night was proof of that…

The barriers… the wall I put in place after the beating on Japan, after dying in Texas, they nearly do it again on Japan an things changed, it was too late for me… but my siblings, didn’t get what I got from birth… they had a chance that I never got… so accepting… oh I do not like the word acceptance… it has such finality to it… ya know, you don’t lose your girl friend, just your turn type of analogy…. but the void will be filled with something else… it always is…

Do I think I will ever have the ability to remember every little detail like I used to… no, but I still have a good memory ability, which will torment my kids till I die… just saying… and our delight…

So, what I meant to write… it doesn’t matter when Freda hurt me… She hurt me and didn’t care… she hated the little girl with big grey eyes an curly hair… because of Don….and the fact she couldn’t control me through manipulation… I saw through her like I see through man’s god…. you just got too look…

So, when this happened in my first years of life have no value… It happened, it can’t be undone and it was done repeatedly until I was 17… my body carry’s the evidence with it daily, not externally, because most are blind to others plight… and that is why so many judged me by my appearance… reminds me of that sad little movie about the nun, Bernadetts song… all I ever got… envy and hate…. and I never did anything ugly to them… but oh boy would I like to now… just saying… don’t hold it in… be honest… never lie… a lot of foreign cuss words just floated by…. lol, I love my brain…

So… again, it comes to this one word…

Acceptance…

I’m not pissed anymore, I’m just tired from lack of sleep and happy another puzzle piece is in place… only got 1 more to go and the puzzle is done…

Are we sure we are in summer…. ??? this is the nicest summer ever on Hawaii….

Later…

Margie, I remember…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s