Daydreaming is my Muse….

Do you ever do it??? or do you call it day dreaming???? No bangers, only one last night an in the shower, I ignored them, but could still hear them… such nice Aloha….

I was thinking about our 3 kids and how little like us they are…

They didn’t seem to learn the etiquette we follow, though my language is worse than a sailors…uh oh, will get a hit on that comment….

Morals, values, ethics…. ya know, our kids treated us anything but like parents or elders…. did we screw up or did they just dummy down, thanks to believing Zuckerberg over us??? I’ll go with dummy down…

None of them have asked for help… none of them do, what we did for our parents… now hubby’s daughter has tried, I give her loads of credit for her effort… but things aren’t what we thought they would be… to many secrets, to many lies and the trust that once was, has erroded….

It’s not about love… life is about who you can trust to have your back… even in the military, you have to earn it, it’s not automatic… that would be total christian bull shit to look at it that way and knives I have plenty of, looking at it that way…. in my back to this day….

It’s like with my story, yea it’s ugly and nasty, because people couldn’t own their own behavior and hide behind a god that can’t be seen or touched and I’m the bad person and not the survivor… okay, stupid is as stupid does… they have worse crap on ABC, CBS, NBC and Fox and that is a fact… my story to difficult… give me a break…. cowardice, another christian trait…

So, yea, I muse about our kids, but I don’t worry about them… if they were bugging me for money and advice… I would be worried… none of them are stupid… they just didn’t bother to grow some of their other human assets….

I have a condition… a Severe TBI, it altered the person I was born to be… I didn’t do this to myself and I didn’t make my personality the way it is…

TBI did… and because of those christians that never bothered to tell me of my injuries… I have been on an adventure of a lifetime… and meeting most of the text book behavior of a brain injury person, trying to live life, oblivious of the injuries…. my brain was… my body wasn’t….

I got a kick out of the PT kid, he says, that’s real young to have stenosis…. I laughed and said, not everyone who walks in your door has lived an average life… I’m one of those lucky souls, who’s life has been anything but boring…. he laughed, because they had read my blog, early on….

I also know I have a pattern of melancholy, tied directly to my body rhythm…ya know our hormone cycle… so when I do muse about things like our kids, I’m noticing it’s when my cycle starts, something I have been trying to get normalized since the Air Force took my healthy reproductive organs… in 1978…. well it’s finally there…. drug free and finally acting like a woman’s body should… thanks mommy dearest….

I’m proud of our kids… they are all standing on their own feet and doing it without us… but the hopes and dreams I had… lay in the gutter now and hubby reminds me… by saying, I never thought what you hoped for would happen… so I take off my rose colored glasses and look at it from reality standpoint and agree….

I don’t know what tomorrow will bring, until it gets here… hubby or I could die, before we leave Hawaii, so fretting about what if’s…. just means…. I’m wearing my mom jeans….

So, I’ll look at properties in all the places we would like to live and leave it up to the children to become the adult they say they are and they can come see mom and dad in their home… our traveling around days for everyone else’s convience has come to it’s final end…

Are we sure we are in the middle of June on Hawaii???? I’ve had the AC on twice, since we transitioned into hurricane season and this has got to be so sweet and mild, don’t let it end…

Have a great day, I have to finish organizing my craft… plan to take all my jewelry making stuff and turn them into christmas ornaments…..

Margie, I remember…..

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