Spinal Cord Injury and she knew…

Freda isn’t stupid… that she has proven to me on more than one occasion… what she didn’t bank on… me, having a unique memory ability and being a hell of a lot smarter than her….

The diagnosis of central spinal cord injury is not what I expected to be told, when I went for my evaluation for the PT treatment…

I knew I had spondylitis of the spine, that’s a glorified arthritis, which I knew about when I was around 10 years old and had to go to the ER and the guy said, your daughter will have arthritis…. yep, unique memory, that was Alabama….

But injury to my spinal cord…. Now the mystery…. when did it happen???

As the neurologist has told me, I will have jumbled time lines as I remember the past, especially since I have a TBI and stroke on the brain…. hell, I get confused on the day of the week right here, right now… same problem with reading maps… it’s a defect in my DNA and that has been proven, so, not surprised by these two thought process issues…

PT wore me out yesterday and I splept good… I wish I had the drive of that kid I follow… Inspirational Leader is her blog… but I don’t have that kind of drive… I used too… Not anymore…

An that may be directly related to the nerve damage and spinal cord injury having a impact on my brain and it can …… impact memory….

I just shook my head… spinal cord injury was never in my radar… but boy howdy is it now…

First I have to go over the conversation with the PT kid and rip it apart and research all the things he told me and it was a lot… and then… I have to let the mind accept the injury and start looking for the connection to the beatings, so that I can pin point when I got the injury….

Do you have any clue what it is like to relive being beaten or strangled to death and have to relive every blow and every foul word that was said and done… Do you realize how many times I have had to do this, just to get 1 clue out of all I see????

66 years of PTSD living hell, because christians couldn’t own what they did to me when I was newly born… Dr. Wollett is dead, no way of finding out what he did to me… but that was when I learned to hate needles… isn’t that right Freda???

The ghost memories I have from birth, I never accounted for more than ghost memories, nothing I could prove or put down to fact and I still can’t…

The true self awareness happened when Freda hit me with that long handle old fashion hair brush and it broke as it hit my back side and she screamed in anger and struck out at me again… I was just under a year old….

That moment in time has been seared in my brain so long, I know it by heart and the furniture that was in the room… strange how a baby can have such clarity of thought… thoughts before that time, I can’t see clearly… self awareness hadn’t gelled during those months… the violence cemented it… to walk through 65 years of life self aware is such a heavy burden… throw in brain and body injuries….

It truly is amazing at my tenacity to stay alive and live the life I deserved on planet earth…

Now if the space ship would come back and pick up all the relgious… we might actually see a peaceful healthy planet…

Hope springs eternal….

Margie, I remember….

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