Our New Normal???

Maybe for you, but for hubby and I… nope, nada… this COVID19 hasn’t changed our lifestyle….. much…. an a banger goes down the street… sure they respect the land and elderly… as long as they get free room and board on Mauna Kea and it cost tax payers and not them… that’s when they show Aloha… for their agenda…. and that is going to bite them in the ass, thanks to this virus… me and hubby, not so much… just the noise they make and noise they do make….

I told hubby, no PT for me… I’ve had the referral since I saw the neurologist a couple months ago… a couple of months of me going over that appointment in detail and, I respect his education… I just don’t respect him… a degree does not make you smart, it just means you passed tests… I mean come on, look at the college scandals…. geez….

Why no PT??? Uh, hello, what part of pandemic do you not get???….

Since it’s my neck they would work on, in my face and my breathing…. not going to happen… I can read PT literature and understand it, just as easy as the next person… but…. I had PT in 2017 and they worked my neck, so, I already know the exercises they would have me do and I have been doing them for the last 2 years…. so no touchie, by PT, so no go see PT…

It’s a choice….. one I have to live with… but I do the PT stuff daily and it has made a difference…., it’s all about the body taking those exercises and making them part of every day life and I am not there yet… but I do push to do them….. and the physical changes are obvious, no fat hanging out the bra, an you girls get that meaning… it creeps up on you so fast too…. the fat that is…

I’m dreaming again…. that always seems to happen when I come to terms with a decision or choice I have to make or accepting and working with the current mayhem in the world…. I call them distrations, which life threw at me for so long, I’m playing catch up now….

Many childhood memories have surfaced… so, not so sure Neuro or I know what we are talking about, when it comes to my memory ability…. I say that for a reason…..

I go back to Japan… 1968, Peggy & Freda…. what happened next changed the dynmaics of that household, until I left home 4 years later…. the violence dropped, they were scared….. I would remember… and, I do…. I think that is why I have felt sadness the last few days…..

Because I do REMEMBER…..

My brother should get put under for repressed memories… he is no more bi-polar than me… he saw me die…. David has lived in a hell, not of his making, since that night in Big Springs, Texas 1967 an his mommy ain’t talking, so, she would rather he suffer to keep her secret that is and never has been secret… only christians think this way… look at Trumpie….

My brother watched his big sister get beat to death by his parents and has never been able to reconcile the memory, so he ran from it and now he is lost in the christian dogma as a preacher…. and believe me, he’s not that stupid…. but that is what truama does to the brain, rewrites it… and you have to fight to untagle the web ……

By the time Okinawa came around, I was remembering and I was standing up to the two christians I called parents… and he hit me again…. one last blow to the head summer 1971, that knocked my neck into a hernia that lasted until Jan 2020…. an boy did that sound scare the hell out of us both, when my neck went into place over 50 years later… yep health care in America is just ohhhhhhhhhhh so good…. NOT….. and the pandemic will expose that… True Story….

It’s a process, putting the memories to rest, after they open and letting them become part of my waking world…. funny thing is… Don didn’t have a clue about how far Freda manipulated him and it nearly cost him everything and in the end…. it did cost him everything…. my hate for him builds daily as does my hate for Freda and Peggy for their part in the murder of Margie….

Yep, this whole process of psychological, physical, is beyond tiring… it’s exhausting and I’m so ready for a day, when I wake up and think of anything, but this…..

Don has been dead for 14 years…. Freda, isn’t long for this world….. and Pegs…. you sold your soul for their heaven and made your life on earth a living hell….

Yep, this whole process can be cleansing…. much of what I deal with, I don’t write about… those issues would freak our kids out and I have a feeling a couple are reading this crap instead of asking me… go figure on cowardice…. I really don’t respect lack of initiative… truly…..

I keep flashing on that day in Japan… when I made myself repeat a mantra in my head that I would eventually use through out my life, as a way to cope with the cruelty of christians…. that mantra taught me how to forget and allow me to live, until I could cope with the cruelty of christians….

I’m almost ready to let go of that mantra, because….

I Remember… Margie… Sgt. USAF DAV

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