26 Died that day, so that I could live….

November 5, 2017… a typical Sunday day, those who believe dressing up for the social and worship at the local church… they didn’t know it would be their last…

I don’t know the names of the men, women and children that died that day… but I will… their names will be who my book is dedicated too...

On November 7, 2017 at 2:30 in the afternoon, on the big island of Hawaii… I had been listening to the news about the 26 people who were murdered in Sutherland Springs, Texas 2 days before and hubby, taking a break was in his recliner reading the paper and I said….

I have a memory to tell you, one that has never been seen by me, except when it happened… as I type this my heart starts to race and I remember the night Margie died….

It was decided after Margie died, that Don would be locked up in a psych ward and the Air Force in all it’s inability to work with the mentally ill, declared him cured and shipped his ass off to Japan…. and he attacked again, for the same reason…..

Freda…..

You would think with the Covid19 virus going around, that would be my major stresser, instead… the negative energy all you project, because of fear…. is feeding my nightmares…. I did say I have a gift…..

I find it interesting that pleasant memories are now mixing in with the trauma memories… but the pleasant memories have nothing to do with the family…. they are always outside memories….

I caught myself feeling sorry for the people who did this too me...

That’s progress… my hatred for them will never wane… but pity is such an easy gift…

Stenosis, read about it a long time ago, only because they told me of the spondylytisis… I know I spelled that wrong… but I knew about that issue… I don’t think anyone knew about the stenosis, even though the symptoms presented themselves when I was active duty in 1978… so again, American health care is only as good as the people doing the job… hubby would be dead, if not for me… so we have more faith in me, than the formally educated…

No surgery, I have no desire to have my back or neck cut on… exercise will be my choice and just flat out paying attention and not putting myself at risk for anyone, ever again… done that and saved lives… an they turn around and shit on me… I’ll pass, I gots a condition…… I would rather put my foot up your ass… true story...

The change I expected is one that I have been waiting for, since 1968… When I put things in place in my brain, so I could cope with the violence… I just didn’t have a clue how to take that barrier down… until Sutherland Springs, Texas happened and as they say….

The rest is history… Mine, but history… and it feels so good to have it back where it belongs… in my grey cells for me to pull out and play with, when the mood hits…

So no, the Covid19 pandemic is only impacting our pocket book… only reason I get out of bed, to munch, pee or just move around, so I can lay down again… and I just dream… no nightmares… just seeing the past, as if watching from the grandstands….

Stay home, stay safe….

I remember… Margie… Sgt. USAF DAV

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