The ghost that never sleeps….

She is always looking, sometimes in a dream state…. other moments as she moves about the day…. the ghost that wants to sleep, still walks about her… reminding her… her journey is not done…….

The pain has been a reminder of late, of what was felt, when so very young…. and trying to prove that the brain is that capable… to be aware at only a few months of life… and I laugh… nature does it daily… become aware at birth or die… it’s called survival of the fittest…. and I am to think humans are less capable than a baby giraffe or hippo or any other beast, that has to be aware at birth to survive…. and my doubt leaves me…..

The memory is acute and painful… it, like all the other memories is centered around violence, but at a time of her life, when she didn’t understand this was life in a christian home… she was only a few months old…. but the pictures taken of her tell the tale and her awareness as she looks back at the woman who hurt her from birth…..

Ever break any ribs??? I got stoned faced drunk and fell and broke 2 ribs in half on the right side… that was 1996/97…. It took me 3 months before I saw the doctor and got x-rayed, showing the 2 breaks… punctured lung was so close to happening… that pain, is a reminder of a childhood pain….

My left rib cage in the long bone… a normal area for damage from shaken baby syndrome as is whiplash and there is your answer for the herniated C5-6 I have lived with my whole life… she always said phneumonia, I now know she lied…..

Is it concrete these memories of my childhood… the psychology supports it… when the El Paso VA doc said Edetic memory ability, I doubted him… and I still do, for one reason only… the trauma I endured from birth until this very day… is what formed the way I made memories…. it’s not the photographic psychology kind… it is unique to me, because of all the trauma to my brain…. and that has been proven…..

So the ghosts of memories I have about my very early years… I have to accept… they do not alter, they do not change and the phsyical evidence…..

Is in me…..

I Remember…. Sgt. USAF DAV

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